Ramblings from South Georgia

• 2006-Feb-17 - Raising Godly children

Is it me?

Or is it just not possible to keep your children out of "the world"?

We have these two children...good kids, they are...raised according to the Word (Raise up a child in the the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.) I hear all the time about how good, how sweet, how mannerly they are from others.

Then WHY do they fight all the time at home?? The age difference, 6 years, can be difficult I know. And they're together all the time, since we homeschool. But we've tried to raise them to love each other, to be kindhearted and considerate. It just drives me crazy! Their words and tone of voice to each other, and occasionally to ME, can be so harsh and unloving-sounding. Oh I think they do love each other, but they certainly could use some work showing it.

What have I done wrong?? Or is it just kids? HELP...

Comments

• 2006-Feb-17 - Fighting Siblings

Posted by felipsha

I don't know how much help I can be, but I can definately sympathize with you. I have started removing my children from an audience everytime they start fighting. This morning I shut the door on them and told them to fight it out. Within less than 5 min, they had fixed their beds and were in the living room. Without an audience they don't seem to want to fight as much.

You are right about being homeschooled and always being together can get a little trying. But it also gives our families the opportunity to learn to work out conflict healthily.

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• 2006-Feb-17 - I have two daughters...

Posted by DonnaJoy

22 and 14 - about the same age difference - and they still fight - my oldest just got married and due to her husband being transferred and them trying to sell their house here - she is still at home - and they STILL fight - everyone tells me it will be different when the oldest is gone - then when they are together they will appreciate each other - I hope so - in the mean time the 14 yo is trying to push the 22 yo out the door!!!!
Aw - the joys of motherhood!!!
Donna

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• 2006-Feb-20 - Sibling Fighting...warning long response!

Posted by motherearth

I had this very issue with my children, we raise them memorizing scripture, learning bible stories and following the Lords command and yet, they fight. Then we went to the GHEA conference and heard Reb Bradley (who is coming again this year, by the way) a couple of years or so ago. He said a few things that made sense to us and we began applying them to our home.

The ones that stand out in my mind are: If kids can listen the 3rd time, they can listen the 1st time. To train this, the punishment has to be swift and harsh, his tips here were excellent!

As far as sibling fighting, his suggestion was, if they start fighting, picking, arguing, then you nip it immediately, not when it escalates. You quote them a verse from the Bible like in Proverbs or something that your having them memorize, something pertaining to Love is Kind, Patient, and ask them, "Are your words Kind? Are you having Patience?" There answer is "No," then you say, "The bible teaches us to be kind to one another, and your not following what the bible commands us to do, now I want you to name 3 nice things about your sister or brother." The kids will look at you like you have snakes crawling out of your head, but make them say 3 nice things about the other, and then hug.
So basically, you throw in a scripture on Kindenss, generosity, love, patience, whatever applies, then the person saying the offenses has to name 3 nice things and then hug. The hug between boys usually looks like a wrestling move, but they always end in laughs or giggles and you move on.
The kids don't like this, I mean the horrors of saying 3 nice things about the person your mad at, right on the spot! But when they realize you mean business and that scripture tells them to be kind, gentle and they keep hearing it, trust me it works. And only 1 time have I had to make one of my kids write a verse on saying kind words to others.
We applied this a few years ago, and it took sometime, but we rarely have any fighting now, and it's taught them to communicate.
We also tell them, "Would you treat your friend ___ like this? Would you speak to him this way? Then why are you speaking to your brother, or sister this way?"
FIghting between boys and girls, we would use that opportunity to teach our boys how to treat girls, because eventually they will be women, and how to treat them with respect and love.
SORRY FO R THE LONG RESPONSE!
HOPE IT HELPS!
:-)

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• 2006-Mar-23 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous

I don't think you've done anything wrong. In my family there are 7 (soon to be 8) children. We don't get into arguments all the time, but sometimes we do. It's just normal though...It usually depends on what the argument is all about, but ask God to help you if becomes a bigger problem. If they realize after they've been in an argument and forgive each other, be glad. At least they know that they are wrong and can probably prevent themselves from fighting. Also, you can remind them that God is watching them and that He is not proud to see them in a fight. When my parents or another sibling reminds me of that, I try to stop immediatly.

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About Me

My blog is exactly what it says lol, my ramblings. Some days I have questions, some days I want to vent, and some days I just feel like having a nice chat.

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