Within the Lines

Marriage in Conflict

I haven't written in a while, but had a thought I wanted to write and hope to keep writing more...

If I remember right, Rush Limbaugh (or something I read) recently referred to a report that more and more women are choosing to live alone.  Men and women were interviewed for the article, both saying essentially the same thing:  when they were married they couldn't do anything right; when alone, they can do as they like without criticism.  I find this interesting because I find the same dynamic at work in my marriage also.  Silly little differences become a pile of irritation that seems almost insurmountable at times.  Marriages all over are falling apart because she wants to watch something romantic and he wants something rowdy, because he likes hunting and she likes talking, because she likes yellow for the kitchen and he likes green, because he wants seen-and-not-heard kids and she wants a family sing-along, because she drives fast while he is cautious, because he wants bills paid a week early and she thinks the due date is sufficient, because she wants the dishes scraped before putting in the dishwasher and he doesn't want to, because he wants to buy a big boat and small house and she wants a big house and no boat, because she wants to go for a ride on the weekend and he wants to watch a football game, because he wants a big dinner every night and she wants to skip dinner, etc, etc.  And, for some reason, we are not content to accept each other's differences; we each feel criticized by the other's different desires.  We want to really share our lives, or not at all.  So, what's the answer??

I don't know.  I struggle with these things often.  If one gives in, neither seems very happy with the results.  If both are supposed to give in, it creates the impasse of "you, first."  The only biblical answer God's brought to me so far is James 4:1 & 7:

"What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?  Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members?"

"Submit, therefore, to God.  Resist the devil and he will flee from you."

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{ 03:15, Tuesday, January 30, 2007 } { Posted by mc2rwe }

I am so glad to see you back. As to your post... I can't help but remember what my mom always said... "two wrongs don't make a right... don't let it be your wrong that keeps you from heaven"

Blessings
Kat

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{ 06:12, Wednesday, January 31, 2007 } { Posted by gokings13 }

A friend of mine sent this article to me a month ago:

www.jesus-is-lord.com/jezebel.htm

I was raised by a 'critical' mother, and myself spent many years being 'critical'. This article helps me to understand "why" and shows me His Ways on how to stop!!
I hope this is of some help.
Laura

Hmmmm . . . .

{ 09:36, Wednesday, January 31, 2007 } { Posted by Jonash2004 }

I appreciate what Laura said. I was raised by a critical mother, too. For her, my dad wearing a white t-shirt to the store was like refusing to cover his Fruit-of-the-Looms. My dad's biggest "vice" is collecting those little smelly blue pine-tree air fresheners, in his pickup truck he has probably the largest forest, EVER! My mom has always been distrubed over the amount of money he wastes on these, although it puzzles me how that could be any great sum.
Growing up, my dad loved to do things "as a family". My mom used to go with us, but then she started complaining about how my dad never thought about lunch in advance, and how she could do more at home, and eventually, we convinced my dad to leave her home. She seemed happier there, not knowing we spent $6 on popcorn or whatever, but we always missed her and wished she could just relax and enjoy a movie - we only went to one about every 6 months.
Looking back, I understand now that mom feels loved when you do things "for her", and that my dad was trying to show how he loved by buying her flowers or taking her to dinner. Growing up I always hurt for my dad when she wasn't apprecitive of the flowers he would get her for mother's day, when what she wanted was something fixed.
Watching my parents, I grew up determined to focus on the good and get past the not-so-great. Since my dad has retired, she had relaxed so much. She let my dad buy her a necklace and he is so, so terribly proud that she wears it.
I know that when my dad is gone, a smelly blue pine tree with have the power to make me cry, and I think some of the things that irritated my mom the most she will remember the most fondly.
~Ashley~