Wanna Be a Steader!

Grace and the Homeschool

2 Cor. 12:9 -- "But He [Jesus] said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

I've noticed a series of stages in the life of homeschool moms.  The first, of course, is one of anxiety and fear as the dear newbies begin their great adventure.  The second is usually a fluctuation between "same ol', same ol'" and delight in the privilege of being with our children all day.  The third, ahhh...this is the pinnacle we all work toward...graduation!

But somewhere in the second stage lies a hidden sub-level that homeschool moms don't like to talk about.  It begins when many get lost in the illusion of fantastic stories and statistics (all meant to be encouraging) of super homeschoolers.  These super homeschoolers and their families live on small self-sufficient farms where they raise their own livestock, fruits and vegetables; make their own clothes (including the homeschool mom's uniform:  the classic denim jumper!), their children have all read War and Peace by their third-grade year, they have formed their own family orchestra and every evening they play the chamber music that the oldest two siblings have co-written AND the parents have written an entire curriculum that keeps them in demand at homeschool conventions across the country.  Oh, by the way, all the children aced their SATs and entered an Ivy-league college at age 16.

Upon comparing ourselves with these fine families, this is the point where burn-out could be on the horizon if we believe we have to live up to the exception (note family above) rather than the rule (eh hmmm...that's the rest of us).  YES....homeschoolers score an average of 30-35 points above their public/private school counter-parts on the SATs.  YES...Ivy-league colleges are welcoming homeschoolers with open arms.  YES...because of the love and time that homeschool families have with each other our families can (and DO) do superior, wonderful things together!  BUT...burn-out can come when a mom THINKS she has to live up to the ideal everyday.

Many moms on this level can feel like the hamster in the wheel....running, running, running but going nowhere.  While Dad is at work, mom is home acting as teacher, nurse, short-order cook, police officer, librarian, taxi cab driver...and on and on.  With so much demand on her it isn't difficult to understand why she might feel unloved, inadequate or insignificant.

Something I have been heard to say more than once to moms in our support group is:  "Even though we homeschoolers are very independent, it's still no place to be an island."  What I mean is that we need spiritually AND emotionally fed.

We must feed ourselves on the spiritual food of God's Word.  This is where The Source of all has given us instruction and spiritual nourishment.  This is where our real strength comes from.  Whether you prefer to read and pray in the morning or evening makes no difference.  Just do it!  "But I don't have the time!  I can't read and pray in the morning because I barely get up before my kids.  I can't read and pray at night because I'm so tired I fall asleep after the first sentence."  I used to feel the same way.  Personally, I read and pray at night and fall asleep ruminating on what I have studied.  The Lord doesn't care what time of day we talk to Him...He just wants us to talk to Him!  I read that Brother Lawrence talked to God while he was peeling potatoes; after reading that, I have trained myself to make my thought-life an on-going converstation with God.  He is no farther than a thought away!

You need to be emotionally fed as well.  Of course, the Lord is first in this area, BUT the first mortal you need to go to is your husband.  He has no idea what you've been through or what you need unless you tell him.  As much as we wish they were mind-readers, sadly they are not.  If he will help you for a half an hour a day to take time for a sip of tea and to read a book or even going to the grocery by yourself can have a reviving effect on your mind.

Another emotional out-let can be your support group.  "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."  (Prov. 27:17)  Everyone there has been through, or will go through, what you are going through.  Use them...that's why they are there.  In our area we have a weekly gym day at a local YMCA.  While the students are enjoying gym and being with their friends, many of the moms gather in a lounge area.  While we are there, we do everything from write lesson plans, to gab, to share recipes, to bounce new ideas off of each other and to PRAY.

Dear friendships are made in these groups.  Don't isolate yourself by thinking that you are the only one who has a "low" day in a world of perfect homeschoolers.  You won't be embarrassed, you will find a sisterhood that the Lord has purposely put in your path.  (2 Cor. 1:3-4)

Blessings from Ohio, Kim Wolf<><

Untitled Comment

09:22, 2008-Feb-27 .. Posted by brumbemom

Thank you for this article. It is so true and it was very encouraging to read that I am more the "norm" that maybe I give myself credit for sometime. We homeschool moms can be so tough on ourselves. We are quick to give "grace" to our kids and others, but not always to ourselves.
Thank you.