Daniel 4:29-39 "At the end of twelve months he walked in the palace of the kingdom of Babylon.  The king spake, and said, Is not this great Babylon, that I have built for the house of the kingdom by the might of my power, and for the honour of my majesty?  While the word [was] in the king's mouth, there fell a voice from heaven, [saying], O king Nebuchadnezzar, to thee it is spoken; The kingdom is departed from thee.  And they shall drive thee from men, and thy dwelling [shall be] with the beasts of the field: they shall make thee to eat grass as oxen, and seven times shall pass over thee, until thou know that the most High ruleth in the kingdom of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will.  The same hour was the thing fulfilled upon Nebuchadnezzar: and he was driven from men, and did eat grass as oxen, and his body was wet with the dew of heaven, till his hairs were grown like eagles' [feathers], and his nails like birds' [claws].  And at the end of the days I Nebuchadnezzar lifted up mine eyes unto heaven, and mine understanding returned unto me, and I blessed the most High, and I praised and honoured him that liveth for ever, whose dominion [is] an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom [is] from generation to generation: And all the inhabitants of the earth [are] reputed as nothing: and he doeth according to his will in the army of heaven, and [among] the inhabitants of the earth: and none can stay his hand, or say unto him, What doest thou?    At the same time my reason returned unto me; and for the glory of my kingdom, mine honour and brightness returned unto me; and my counsellors and my lords sought unto me; and I was established in my kingdom, and excellent majesty was added unto me.  Now I Nebuchadnezzar praise and extol and honour the King of heaven, all whose works [are] truth, and his ways judgment: and those that walk in pride he is able to abase."

     King Nebuchadnezzar isn't the only one who is filled with sinful pride thinking that he and he alone has built a majestic kingdom for his own praise and honor.  I have come to the disturbing realization that King Nebuchadnezzar and I have much in common.  When this revelation came to me--I was shocked, saddened and humbled. But after a short while--I was free!! 

     If you have been reading my blog-you know that I have been going through a very dark time in my life.  I have felt like a total failure; a fake; I have been totally weakened in every aspect of my being-physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  But God is Good!

     I thought if I had the perfect home; the cleanest house; wore the right clothes; taught the right truths; lived as straight as I could--then everything would turn out perfect--like in all the books I have read.  But, alas it was not to be...........

     Because of this--I fell apart.  I have felt feelings that I never thought I could feel.  I have said things I never thought I would say.  I have done things I never thought I would do.  I have also not done things that I thought I would always do.  I sunk very low-probably lower than I have ever been in my life.

     I do believe that I have been in a type of wilderness much like the one King Nebuchadnezzar was forced into.  I totally have let myself and my home go wild.  I couldn't do what I needed to do, and I really didn't care.  I would sit and wonder what in the world was wrong with me?  Why was I so sluggish?  Where did my energy go?  Why didn't I care about things anymore?  I tried to keep up, but only doing what I absolutely had to and even with that little effort-I found myself totally winded and exhausted!!  Why bother!  It hurt too badly!

      BUT-God in His mercy-allowed me to finally understand that I was building ME a type of kingdom (mine was just called a home).  I realized that I did all the things I did for me-not for my family or my God-for me.  I was bound and determined not to turn out like my mother, but sad to say-I did. 

     So, I bowed my head and ask God for forgiveness.  After a short while-I felt lighter than I have felt in a very long time.  I understood that I was in the wrong and needed to turn from my old way of thinking and doing things.  I believe that is called repentance. 

     I am not saying that I will not fall back into my old ways-but God-I believe will remind me of a few dark days in my wilderness, and I will come back to my senses, much like King Nebuchadnezzar did. 

     I don't think I am called to another vocation.  Titus 2:3-5 is a mandate from God, so I believe that I am where I am supposed to be--at home--serving my husband, raising our son and keeping our home.  All of this-is now-for God-not for my security and comfort. God works through the strangest avenues sometimes.  My life verse has always been-Proverbs 14:1 "A wise woman buildeth her house, but the foolish plucketh it down with her own hands."  I know believe that there are more ways to plucketh down my house than the ways my mother did.  I am living proof of that.

      Psalm 127:1a "Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it:..."   I have been trying to build my own house, my own legacy, my own everything---and it has been in vain.  I am sure there are some good things done that will not burn, but the majority of it will flame high and hot.   Believe it or not--it's okay.  The great thing about God is "His mercies are new every morning."  I can start again--LORD willing.  And like King Nebuchadnezzar I, too can-- "praise and extol and honour the King of heaven, all whose works [are] truth, and his ways judgment: and those that walk in pride he is able to abase."

                                          God Bless!