Emotionally I just can't take it anymore. I try to always see a good in a bad situation but sometimes it just gets too hard. My heart just aches.

   Someone I know has just lost their child. Just a toddler beginning their life... just a mother getting to know her child... too short of a time to be with her child. So many people are having to grieve for their children lately. Why is God taking so many?

   I can't imagine how these parents deal with it... how can a mother go on after such a tragedy?

   My problem is that I am trying to imagine it and it breaks my heart. The pain I feel for these moms and dads is so real. My stomach feels sick. What lesson can be learned from this for them? What lesson can a mother learn from having to put her child in the ground? To never be able to hold him again? never kiss him? Or hear the "I yuv you momma" from their sweet lips.

   ... I cry. I can't help but cry and I'm emotionally drained.

   I suppose it becomes offical that summer is over once Labor Days comes. The warm days will still be here but cooler evenings and morning will come in the days to follow. Nothing is better than waking on a crisp morning and smelling the aroma of Autumn in the air. Cozy evening or mornings by the fireplace. Warm baked apples for dessert. Crispy leaves on the ground when you walk. Pumpkins, scarecrows, acorns... I just love Autumn!

    We aren't doing much today. No bbq's, although we will grill some chicken tonight. We aren't inviting anyone over. My DH and I were just talking on the phone and he decided to take the day off tomorrow because he feels, as I do, that we just haven't been able to spend enough "family" time together lately. So that is what we will be doing tonight and tomorrow. DH and I will kick back with a nice "adult" drink on the deck tonight, once the kiddo's are asleep, and just enjoy ourselves. Tomorrw we will have a nice big family breakfast and after we are going to finish painting the inside of our camper. We are planning a camping trip for the 20-24 of September so we need to get this camper finished up.

   I bought 20 lbs. of apples yesterday and I'm making applesauce all day today. Boy, does this house smell yummy! I would like to see if I am able to find some local pumpkins (since mine didn't bloom) and make some pumpkin butter. MMMM, that smells good cooking too.

    Hope y'all have a good day with family and friends!

   Well, the title should say it all. It has been a busy few days around here with no end in sight. Great news though, my brother found a house and will be moving this weekend. God was truly shining on him and his wife because they found a landlord who didn't want a credit check and only wanted a $200.00 security deposite and $800.00 a month for rent. They guy is even letting them paint the place whatever color they want and having them take the cost off the rent. They truly lucked out on this place! If my brother can't see that the Lord has his hand in this, well, then I don't know how else to convince him of all the glory that God will share with us if we only are faithful.

   Today I have to take my middle DD to her psychology appointment. Right now she is in play therapy. It is suppose to help her find ways of learning to control her emotions and outbursts... I'm not sure about it but I'm willing to give it a try. If it doesn't work then these sure are some expensive play dates  

   My DH and I had a "parent meeting" with the doctor a week ago. The doctor asked us about our discipline approach and we told her we did timeouts with DD (she is only 7) and when timeouts didn't work we send her to her room. Discipline is hard to do with DD because of her ADHD. We can explain until we are blue in the face of why she is having a time out and what she did wrong and how she could have gone about it a different way, but the fact of the matter is that she can't understand it. And this is where the "play therapy" is suppose to work.

   Anyhow, this doctor told DH and I that timeouts are good but we should really think about letting "natural" consequences happen when she is behaving badly. So if your anything like DH and I, we both looked at each other and said, "huh?"  What the heck is a "natural" consequence for bad behavior? She goes on to say it would be better for her. So I ask what the "natural" consequence would be for DD if say she was argueing with her older sister after i told her not to and she kept argueing? Would the "natural" consequence be her sister punching her? get this, the doc said yes!!!! The doc said of course I would have to then punish the older child but yes, being hit would be the "natural" consequence. Can you believ that? It is nuts if you ask me. There is no way I'm following that technique. And I'm paying this woman to help us... what would be the "natural" consequence of her back talking me or hurting her baby brother or sister? There are cases where "natural" consequence just don't apply, so what do you do after that? WEll, this doc then told us to go ahead and do the time outs. If I'm still going to do time outs then why even let "natural" consequence occur? See, makes no sense, does it?

   After a bit, the doc got tired of me questioning the technique so she gave me a booklet, no kidding a booklet, on this whole "natural" consequence technique. Yeah right, like i have time in my day to read about crap I don't believe in, lol. I'll will read it when I have the time though just so I can see if I understand it a bit better.

    Baking. yes, I have been baking this week. It feels good to have the baking done. I made some more muffins for the freezer for winter use, well, autumn use, I don't think they will make it till winter, lol. I have made some more blueberry whoopie pies. and I have made some snickerdoodle sandwich cookies that i found in woman's day or family circle magazine. I'll post the recipe later. They sure are yummy! With it being so early this morning that I am up, I am hoping to get a chocolate chip snack cake made for the freezer and dessert tonight.

   School hasn't been going so well. With all the people in and out of my house i just haven't had the time to get the kids going. I have tried only to fail because someone visits during the afternoon or they ask me o watch their kids. I'll be glad when they have moved and are settled so I can get my family back on track.

    Ok, I'm off for some more coffee and for breakfast. Bye Y'all!

   It's raining on and off this morning. It is gray and kind of gloomy out. I love the way it smells after just alittle bit of rain has fallen... that wet, dirty earth smell. It is wonderful, kind of relaxing.

   Anyhow, a few things have gone down over the last few days. I just don't understand it all. My niece may not being staying here for going to school. Over the weekend she went with her parents to stay for the weekend and on Saturday all I got was an earful of crap that my niece was telling everyone.

   First, I want to go on the record and say that I understand kids do these things to get attention. I'm not mad at her... rather disappointed. I understand the hardships she has already had to deal with in her short 12 years of being here on Earth. And I understand she did and said these things just for the attention from her parents, but it still doesn't make it alright in my book.

   First, she has told her parents that my oldest son has "stolen" some of her "Littlest Petshop" animals. So now, everyone is being mean and saying mean things about my son.

   I am like a mother lion. If you try to attack my children I will ABSOLUTLY go after you. Don't mess with my kids. I am very proptective with them and my kids are good kids and would NEVER, NEVER in a million years do something like steal!

   Anyhow, so I go to my niece last night and I ask her about these allegations. I say to her, "Dani, when you left on Friday you had all your toys with you. and today you were just complaning that you can't find three and now we have found those three so where does this stealing take place?"

   She looks at me confussed and says, "huh?" I said to her that if she has all of the toys now. and had all the toys this morning. Then how did Ethan steal them before Friday?

    She goes on to tell me she told her mom that she thinks he stole them, not that he actually stolen them. I ask her why she would even bring something like that up unless she had proof. She claims she doesn't know it was just a feeling she had. So I ask her again, how can he have stolen them if they were all with you when you made these allegations. She just gets quiet and won't answer me. I ask her how many of these little pets did she have when she came to our house. She told me 101. I count them and I found 107! So, she hasn't lost any but gain 6! If anyone should be complaining it should be my 7 yr old because obviously, Dani has some of hers!

   I try to explain to her that I'm not mad at her but I'm disappointed because she lied and tried to get my son in trouble. I try to explain that it isn't nice to accuse someone of something if she doesn't have proof. She won't answer me or even acknowledge that she understands why I'm disappointed. So I tell her we will put it behind us and next time to either come to me first so we can find the truth or get proof that someone has done what she has accused. She's mad at me now. Too bad I say.

   Next, I find out she is telling her parents that I won't allow her to take showers. That is just crazy! Why in the world would I not allow her to take showers?

   Next, I find out her dad is mad because I am making Dani follow our rules and Dani isn't happy here because I resrtict them too much and I'm too hard on my kids.

   Let me tell you what these restrictions are and then you guys can voice your oppinion and tell me if I'm being too strict. I live right bhind a very popular collage here in south central Pennsylvania. The college students are back and our street is very busy with traffic and college kids walking up and down the sidewalks. My niece wants me to let her walk all over the neighborhood by herself with my children and walk to the college track, which is behind my house but still far enough away, and I'm being  mean because I won't let her. I won't let her, or my kids, because who knows who could grab them! These college student boys might look at these pretty girls, who look older than they actually are, and might try to do something to them! Oor they could very easily, get hit by a car. these students speed through our streets without a care in the world!

   I don't feel I'm being over protective here. My brother says, they let their kids go where they want because it develops their independence.  So, I suppose if his daughters get kidnapped or raped, they can chalk it up to a life experience of independence? That is crazy!

   Then, I'm getting crap because I make the kids have a 9:30 bedtime. My brother says this is too early for his daughter and she isn't used to going to bed that early. No kidding, she has been staying up talking and playing with my daughter till 2 am everynight! Dani, calls her parents up and complains right in front of me that it isn't fair she has to go to bed so early. I guess, I'm suppose to put my family to bed and myself and then say to Dani that she can stay up and go to bed whenever she pleases?

   These people are nuts! This is my house, my rules! I said, I would not make special treatment for her. if she is here she MUST follower the same rules my kids follow.

    How are these rules so hard to go by? I don't understand how they can bite the hand that is feeding them. I'm amazed at how ignorant they are being. What am I suppose to do or say about this. I help and all I get now is crap for it. It hurts me deeply. Here I thought I was doing good for them and her... but now it is all just a slap in my face.

   Yesterday, I had a horrible day. It all started with waking up. Yes, as unusual as it sounds, I woke up angry and have no clue why. I wasn't angry at anyone in my house, and I wasn't angry with anyone about anything , really... I just woke in an angry mood. In all my life I can't remember this ever happening before. It is weird.

   So I was pretty much angry for the rest of the day. Everything everyone did ticked me off. I tried not to take my angrer out on anyone. When I saw I was i removed myself from the situation. Afterall, it wasn't their fault I was in a bad mood.

   The more I started thinking about this last night, the more I started to realize that I am just overwhlemed. I have had someone at my house everyday for the last 3 1/2 weeks. I have a strict schedule I try to keep my kids on and it has been thrown out the window. The couple doesn't leave till about 9 at night or 9:30 and by this time I am usually getting myself into bed. But it is all out the window.

   I try to be supportive. I try to lend my ear. I try to help where I can... but I need some space. I know this may sound horrible and I feel so guilty just writing this but... I'm tired of hearing about everyone elses problems... I'm tired of trying to solve everyone else's problems.

   I have my own problems. I have put my problems on hold just for everyone else, but I can't do it any longer. We are suppose to move in 10 months. I have to figure out the whole money situation and how I am going o get our belongings to Alaska. I need to start focusing on packing up the rest of my house and getting rid of junk. I need to focus on planning our school. I need to focus on my family and house... am I being selfish? I feel I am having a hard time here.

   I do believe this is why I woke up angry. Today I feel better. I just have a headache. I feel horrible saying all of that... I should be more Christian and do what Jesus would do. My problems aren't nearly as bad as everyone else's... I just wish I could step back and relax for a moment.

   Good afternoon y'all! We have just finished up our school work for today so i figure why not jump on here and update a bit.

   School is going well. We are still doing light school loads until my niece is in school because she is a bit of a distraction when we are doing work she isn't doing with us. Next Wednesday she goes to public school so I'm hoping to go full force with my kids then.

   My niece will be staying here with us for at least another month or two. I'm am going to ask them for tempory custody when the timing is right. It isn't fair to her to have to move from a new to school to another new school just when she is getting use to this one. Keep your fingers crossed that all goes well when I ask.

   I was able to get some baking done over the weekend. This was really the first time in 3 weeks that I was able to bake a bunch. The only problem is tha it is almost all gone  It seems that my family missed my baking so much that they are gobbling it up every chance they get, lol! Today, I made some blueberry whoopie pies that haflinger gave me the recipe to. Oh boy, are they yummy! We were doing our bible studies when they were baking and they smelled so good that we couldn't concentrate on our work! lol.

   I put a beef roast in the oven for dinner tonight. I was hungry for open face roast beef sandwiches and mashed taters, so that's what's for dinner tonight.

   I have some house work to finish and the twins are bugging me to go in the pool so i have to get my butt off of here. Hope y'all have a good day!

    I will be able to take a nice relaxing breath this weekend. My nieces are leaving this morning for their other grandmothers house. This is great for me because it will give me two days of a bit of relaxation.

   It has been nothing but a whirlwind of chaos here for almost 3 weeks. My normal routine is gone. My baking is gone. My preparing my pantry for winter is gone. Even my homeschool schedule is gone. What I wouldn't do to get my life back in order!

   This weekend My Dh and I and our children will spend the days in our back yard painting our camper and spending time together. We are going to bbq all weekend and just play and relax. Dh promised to vaccuum my truck out since there is about an inch of food crumbs, dry grass and wood chips in it. It drives me nuts to have to share my truck with him and seeing it a dirty mess when I get in it drives me NUTS! So he is sweet enough to clean it out for me.

   I hope I will be able to get some baking done this weekend. It isn't like me to not bake but these few weeks I just haven't had time. If I'm able I would like to bake all desserts and put them in the freezer.

   I told my brother last night that he is going to have to figure out a way to get his kids with him for school. I told him I didn't mind the oldest staying here because she can get herself on and off the bus herself but there is no way I can get the 5 yr old on and off the bus with all of the doctor appointments we have. Waiting for a bus with her just isn't possible, I wish it were but I can't do it.

   So, I'm not sure what he is going to do. No one seems to care and school starts in about a week and a half.

   There is a house next door to me that has been empty for about 10 months. I asked around and found the owner and told them that I had someone interested in renting it from them. I made my brother call and he set up an appointment this afternoon to see it. I was happy for him because it seemed like a sure thing. Well, last night his wife informed that they won't be going to see it and gave all of these stupid excuses as of why.

   I just don't understand this... all the help I give just doesn't seem to matter. It seems like if someone doesn't do everything for them that it just won't get done.. This house was a great find for them. It was only 845$ a month and being next door to me I could help out here or there or help with food or whatever. But for them to turn it down is just crazy! It is like they don't want help.

   From what I understand they have no money saved and my sister-in-law gets unemployment but has two jobs under the table... what is a person suppose to do? I almost just want to quit helping because I don't know what their logic is anymore. Just when it seems like you have gotten through to them, they turn around and do something so stupid that it leaves your jaw on the floor.

   Anyhow, I can only keep them in my prayers and hope something good comes out of this all.

   I am off now to enjoy my weekend and to get my house cleaned and back in order... well, at least till Sunday.