Starfish Dreams

Remembering Gordon B Hinckley

Christmas morning, part two

Our Christmas angel

Happy Birthday

The law of the garbage truck

Mothers Who Know, part 4

Here's the rest of the Julie Beck's talk.

Mothers Who Know Do Less

Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world's goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord's kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power.

So much good stuff here!  Less media (we no longer have TV, so we're doing OK, but we still have Internet, newspapers and movies!)  Less activity that draws children away . . . wow.  Live on less and consume less - that could be one whole family night, just that small phrase.  How about "these mothers choose carefully and DO NOT TRY TO CHOOSE IT ALL".  How true that is!  This is a small, but very valuable section!

Mothers Who Know Stand Strong and Immovable

Who will prepare this righteous generation of sons and daughters? Latter-day Saint women will do this—women who know and love the Lord and bear testimony of Him, women who are strong and immovable and who do not give up during difficult and discouraging times. We are led by an inspired prophet of God who has called upon the women of the Church to "stand strong and immovable for that which is correct and proper under the plan of the Lord. He has asked us to "begin in [our] own homes to teach children the ways of truth.

Latter-day Saint women should be the very best in the world at upholding, nurturing, and protecting families. I have every confidence that our women will do this and will come to be known as mothers who "knew". In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

May we all do so . . .

Mothers Who Know, part 3

Here is more of Julie Beck's talk.  We talked about it in our Sunday women's meeting and again in our family night lesson.  The kids had some good insights, as did other women in our church.  I wonder if the "controversy" comes from people who know they should make a different choice, have some guilt over their decision and then lash out when people point out what we have been counseled to do.  I was already married and pregnant when Ezra Taft Benson gave his talk "To The Mothers In Zion" 20 years ago.  The reaction was similar then, too.  I do NOT feel our church denigrates women.  On the contrary - our leaders love, honor and support women - and want them to fulfill the measure of their creation, which is to do that which women are uniquely suited to do.  That, and to stand strong and immoveable.

Mothers Who Know Are Leaders

Mothers who know are leaders. In equal partnership with their husbands, they lead a great and eternal organization. These mothers plan for the future of their organization. They plan for missions, temple marriages, and education. They plan for prayer, scripture study, and family home evening. Mothers who know build children into future leaders and are the primary examples of what leaders look like. They do not abandon their plan by succumbing to social pressure and worldly models of parenting. These wise mothers who know are selective about their own activities and involvement to conserve their limited strength in order to maximize their influence where it matters most.

This little section brings to mind another talk from Conference - Good, Better, Best by Dallin H. Oaks.  There are GOOD things that we can pursue (from my own life - political activism, being room mom, soccer mom, etc), there are BETTER things we can spend our time on (midwifery, etc) and then there are the BEST things (taking one-on-one time with a child, even when it's "inconvenient", truly TEACHING our children the way of the straight and narrow path, honoring our own covenants, etc).  Sometimes, I feel like the only parent left who still expects their children to work, who will NOT purchase cars for their 16th birthdays, who won't let them see just any movie, even if their friends are and who have modesty standards that I actually enforce.  I know I'm not, but it sure does feel lonely sometimes.  Even then, I will still stand. :)

Mothers Who Know Are Teachers

Mothers who know are always teachers. Since they are not babysitters, they are never off duty. A well-taught friend told me that he did not learn anything at church that he had not already learned at home. His parents used family scripture study, prayer, family home evening, mealtimes, and other gatherings to teach. Think of the power of our future missionary force if mothers considered their homes as a pre–missionary training center. Then the doctrines of the gospel taught in the MTC would be a review and not a revelation. That is influence; that is power.

Amen. I am writing to my missionary son and asking him if he learned anything new in the MTC.  I'm thinkin' he did not.  And if he did, well, we'll know how to rectify that before the next missionary goes out.  Thanks for leaving some comments - this is an important clarion call in an ever-darkening, depressing world.

Update:  I did ask him and - bless his heart - he said the MTC WAS a review for him.  He said the one thing that stood out was how to pull it all together and actually get out and TEACH it and he learned most of that "in the field".  Phew!

Mothers Who Know, part 2

A continuation from yesterday.

Mothers Who Know Honor Sacred Ordinances and Covenants

Mothers who know honor sacred ordinances and covenants. I have visited sacrament meetings in some of the poorest places on the earth where mothers have dressed with great care in their Sunday best despite walking for miles on dusty streets and using worn-out public transportation. They bring daughters in clean and ironed dresses with hair brushed to perfection; their sons wear white shirts and ties and have missionary haircuts. These mothers know they are going to sacrament meeting, where covenants are renewed. These mothers have made and honor temple covenants. They know that if they are not pointing their children to the temple, they are not pointing them toward desired eternal goals. These mothers have influence and power.

I must admit to some heart pricks here.  I don't think she's saying we have to iron all our kids' clothes, but it should be expected that we will take care in preparing for and attending church.  My daughter, age 17, came with me to Africa earlier this year.  They may have only one Sunday outfit, but by golly, they are NICE clothes.  Sunday is an important day to them and it shows.  Our family is blessed with a multitude of clothing, yet sometimes the first try leads to mom telling them to change, as the shirt is ripped, stained, clothes are too casual, etc.  But, there are also times when I just don't get to the final "once-over" before we head out the door.  I need to do better at Sabbath dress.  I also take my religious covenants very seriously and hope that my kids know that.  I'll do better at making sure they know.

Mothers Who Know Are Nurturers

Mothers who know are nurturers. This is their special assignment and role under the plan of happiness.⁵ To nurture means to cultivate, care for, and make grow. Therefore, mothers who know create a climate for spiritual and temporal growth in their homes. Another word for nurturing is homemaking. Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world. Working beside children in homemaking tasks creates opportunities to teach and model qualities children should emulate. Nurturing mothers are knowledgeable, but all the education women attain will avail them nothing if they do not have the skill to make a home that creates a climate for spiritual growth. Growth happens best in a "house of order," and women should pattern their homes after the Lord's house. Nurturing requires organization, patience, love, and work. Helping growth occur through nurturing is truly a powerful and influential role bestowed on women.

Here's another little ouchie for me - my home is well lived-in.  Ha.  It's a mess.  I like order - I just can't seem to maintain any!  I do cook and clean and wash clothes and teach my kids to do the same but the clutter!  I can't stand the clutter and can't seem to "fix" it either.  Another reminder that it really DOES matter.

Mothers Who Know

I want to tlalk about a recent talk given by the leader of our church's women's auxilliary.  She spoke a month ago to all members of our church about motherhood.  Here is the first part of her talk.

There is eternal influence and power in motherhood.

In the Book of Mormon we read about 2,000 exemplary young men who were exceedingly valiant, courageous, and strong. "Yea, they were men of truth and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him".  These faithful young men paid tribute to their mothers. They said, "Our mothers knew it". I would suspect that the mothers of Captain Moroni, Mosiah, Mormon, and other great leaders also knew.

The responsibility mothers have today has never required more vigilance. More than at any time in the history of the world, we need mothers who know. Children are being born into a world where they "wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places" (Ephesians 6:12). However, mothers need not fear. When mothers know who they are and who God is and have made covenants with Him, they will have great power and influence for good on their children.

Mothers Who Know Bear Children

Mothers who know desire to bear children. Whereas in many cultures in the world children are "becoming less valued," in the culture of the gospel we still believe in having children. Prophets, seers, and revelators who were sustained at this conference have declared that "God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force."  President Ezra Taft Benson taught that young couples should not postpone having children and that "in the eternal perspective, children—not possessions, not position, not prestige—are our greatest jewels.

Faithful daughters of God desire children. In the scriptures we read of Eve, Sarah, Rebekah, and Mary, who were foreordained to be mothers before children were born to them. Some women are not given the responsibility of bearing children in mortality, but just as Hannah of the Old Testament prayed fervently for her child, the value women place on motherhood in this life and the attributes of motherhood they attain here will rise with them in the Resurrection. Women who desire and work toward that blessing in this life are promised they will receive it for all eternity, and eternity is much, much longer than mortality. There is eternal influence and power in motherhood.

Perhaps the most "controversial" part of her talk, but one I agree with!  Sure there are exceptions - sometimes out of necessity, or circumstances beyond our control, but we women are meant to be mothers.  It's a role only we can fill - no man can "mother" like a woman can mother.  The only thing I would have changed is the word "bear" to "have".  I HAVE many children that I did not bear.

Stand true

What a perfect reminder for me.

"Discipleship does not guarantee freedom from the storms of life. Even as we are wending our way carefully and faithfully along the strait and narrow path, we encounter obstacle and challenge. There are days, perhaps even months and years, when life is just hard. We experience our fair share of adversity, heartache, loneliness, pain, grief--sometimes; it seems more than our fair share. 
"What to do when adversity strikes? There is only one thing to do. Stand steady and see it through.
Stay steadfast, constant, and true. The real tragedy in the whirlwinds of life comes only when we allow them to blow us off our true course."
David S. Baxter, "Faith, Service, Constancy," Ensign, Nov. 2006

Hubby's birthday

Yesterday was Starfish Daddy's birthday - he's now past his "mid-40's" and so stinkin' wonderful.  We were dating years ago when we celebrated his 24th birthday - our first together.  We were engaged 6 weeks later and married just 4 months after that.  Anyway, I digress. 

We've had so much stress and upheaval here lately, including but not limited to him being laid off recently that it COULD be taking a toll on our marriage - but it's not.  We have been through SO much that I can't anticipate a single situation that would break our marriage. We also don't take our marriage for granted and work hard at it.  One of the things we do is to date each other.  Last night, at the end of a long, full day we headed off to dinner at one of our very favorite Chinese restaurants.  They sat us in a booth and instead of sitting across from each other, we scooted around to the "curve" in the booth and sat right next to each other.  I kept my hand on his leg as much as possible - I really love that man.  Anyway, we ordered, the service was quick and the waitress attentive.  Finally, towards the end of our meal she says to us:

Grateful today

Saturday, 6 October 2007

Do you know, God is good? We have lived through so many months of hell, truly, that it has been hard for me to see His hand in our lives. I have always known He is there, have continued to pray, to fast, to go to church, but the day-to-day struggles have been so enormous. Truth is, we're still in 'em – but something is changing in me. I wonder if it might be permanent? I would sure love that – and so would my family. . .

I am grateful that this sweet baby has joined our home. As tired as I am, I don't begrudge our time together in the middle of the night. It is a sweet, tender time, especially now that she is getting happier – she smiles, she coos and ever-so-rarely, she laughs. I adore her sweet self – and am very aware that our time with her is limited. It makes each minute, each day SO precious, because we just don't know. She may “stick around” as long as Lizzie – 17 years – but chances are good she won't stay that long. We adopted her knowing this, but it hurts my heart so much to think of her leaving us. Because of that, I think, I am all the more grateful for ALL the time I have with her, even in the middle of the night...

DH is likely getting laid off in about a week and a half.  He is interviewing this coming week with a company that has offices here AND just outside Kansas City. I could hardly sleep at all last night, after I found that out. It feels like one of the final pieces of the puzzle – I can finally see possible fulfillment of the promised blessings of “better than you can imagine” and “blessed beyond what you can imagine”. We SO need to get to Missouri and to “our” land. We live in an area infected with “affluenza” - we need to remove ourselves from that sickness. Our children's lives need to be more blessed by hard work. We need to be as self-sufficient and self-sustaining as possible. And we need to do it now. 

I am grateful today - praise be to God. :)