Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet myself.'

*****

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, a student nurse found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he! Didn't need her help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let the nurse wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down she asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

*****

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks..
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'

*****

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she a good lover?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

*****

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous middle-aged woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.' 

*****

As many of you know, I am learning Japanese, and in doing so I infused myself with Japanese music to hear the spoken (in this case, sung) word. There is even an occasional song in English, a foreign song to them.

Below is the link to the Japanese Anime music station on AOL that I use, give it a listen if you like.

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER REQUEST FORM

1.     YOUR REAL NAME AT BIRTH ________________________________

2.     DATE OF BIRTH: ___________________________________________

3.     SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER:  ___-__-____

4.     ARE YOU AN ORGAN DONOR? ______________________________

5.     BLOOD TYPE: _____________________________________________

6.     HOME ADDRESS: _________________________________________

7.     CITY/STATE/ZIP: ___________________________________________

8.     DO YOU OWN A VAN? _____________________________________

9.     DO YOU OWN A WATER BED? _______________________________

10.  DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? _______________________________

11.   IS ANY PART OF YOUR BODY PIERCED? _______________________

12.   HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN ARRESTED? _______________

13.  WHAT WERE THE CHARGES? _________________________________

14.   REASON YOU BROKE UP WITH LAST GIRLFRIEND: _______________

Answer the following questions in ten words or less on the back of this form:

·  What does “LATE” mean to you?

· What does the word “DONT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” mean to you?

· What does “ABSTINENCE” mean to you?

· How fast can you run?

·  When would be the best time to fingerprint and DNA sample you?

·  If you were shot, where would be the last place on your body you would want to be shot in?

· If you were beaten, what would be the last bone you would want broken?

· A woman’s place is in the. . .

· The one question I hope you (the Father) don’t ask me about is?

· What was the first thing you noticed about my daughter? (if answer begins with the letter “T” or “A”, discontinue application and leave the country quickly)

Thank You.

Please allow six to eight weeks for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved, do not write, text message, email or call. If you are rejected for any reason, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases.

I almost forgot, I have a picture of myself from last November when I caught two steelheads off the breakwall while fishing in Lake Erie near Conneaut, Ohio.

Both fish weighed 8 pounds (3.62kg) and were 30 inches (76.2cm) and 32 inches (81.3cm) long. What a fun day that turned out to be, I was the only one in our group that landed fish.

Last weekend I mentioned to everyone that Ashleigh went to the prom, and I even posted this image.

Well, unbeknownst to her, I snucked these off of her (myspace) blog so you all can see what she really looked like on that night.

Ashleigh

(she really CAN hold her neck upright, must be a cute pose kinda thing)

Kyle and Ashleigh

Well, there she is (or was), however, the crayon drawing was sort of close.

I got me a brand new Brinkmann ProSeries 8300 stainless gas grill yesterday. Let me tell you, it felt mighty good to cook with fire again and not magic. (microwave) Fire good! Grunt, grunt, grunt.

She's a beauty and I named her Grilly, those steaks were sooooooooo good and the smell of them being cooked outdoors was fantastic. We had grilled steak, baked potatoes and corn on the cob.

My wife wanted me to grill her some tuna and I told her it'll be a cold day in "you know where" before I let her touch my Gri, er, I mean put stinky fish on my BBQ. She then scoffed how would I like to sleep with Grilly then? Never seen a wife get so jealous over a BBQ grill before, but it was a nice night for a campout.

Hello everyone.

Today I just got my 2008 American Eagle one ounce fine silver proof coin from the U.S. Mint.

The 99.9% silver bullion coin is mirror shiney and comes in this swanky blue velvet carring case, the coin itself is encapulated in an air tight plastic shell to preserve it quality...

This is my first "proof" coin and it will hold higher value over regular silver bullion circulation coins minted in the same year. It also bears the mint mark "W" for West Point.

Just wanted to share this "bright" moment with everyone.

Thanks for reading.

Hello everyone at HSB, it's me again and none worse for my ware for my late winter hold-out. And what a winter we had, I lost my full grown maple tree out front and our side yard elm in the last big ice storm we had, then I found them, they were laying on my house, porch and my wife's car...

All has been repaired and I am planning on planting a berch tree in the loaction where the red maple and elm once stood, what's the odds of two trees from the same location hitting the house again? LOL

The family is doing fine although one of my Parkinson's meds has been recalled by the FDA, so I have regressed about a year because of that, but you know what that means... I can now get away with peeing all over the toilet seat without being yelled at. LOL

"Sorry dear, Parkinson's."

I wouldn't do it, but Lily don't know that. ha ha ha

Not much else is happening, I have a lot of yard work because of the trees falling, other than that it's been a quiet beginning to Spring.

I'll update later this week.

The Scarecrow

I am taking a break for a while, see you when the wind blow warm again.

~Randy