Runnels Rhapsody

Pregnant and Praising God

After nearly 30 months of trying to conceive, I'm oh-so excited to tell the world that I'M PREGNANT! I'm 12 weeks along right now and everything is going well so far.

Our struggle with infertility has definitely been the biggest test of my faith I've ever experienced. I will paste below the oral testimony I shared with our church family recently to tell them not only the good news, but the struggle in getting to this point.

God is so good. All the time He is good, whether we receive the desires of our hearts or not. But we humbly and gratefully accept this new little blessing who is from His hand. He gives and He takes away, but our hearts will constantly choose to praise Him and Bless His Name!

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We’re up here today to give God the glory for something He’s been doing in our lives for the last 2 years or so. These 2 years I’ve been going through the most difficult test of my faith I’ve ever experienced.   

Since our daughter turned 1, we decided, as many couples do, to start thinking of having other children. She was a year old. She was cute. Let’s do this again J You just naturally assume that things will work as they should. You assume that you’re in control. But for the last 30 months or so, we’ve been trying to conceive but haven’t. We’ve prayed. We’ve prayed together. We’ve prayed with a few others. We’ve shared our “unspoken request.” I was prayed for last year in March at a conference on healing. I thought the Lord might have touched me then. But that was over a year ago now. I was prayed for last September at another conference. I’ve prayed with a few close friends about this over and over and over again.

Throughout this time, nobody that was praying with us or for us necessarily felt the Lord was closing the door and saying “no” to our desires. Rather, the sense from numerous people on different occasions was that His answer was “wait.” Sometimes “wait” is harder to hear than “no” because there is no finality and closure to it. Just more waiting.

We did consult with a fertility doctor this past January. He even encouraged us to not put too much hope in the medical field. It was as though God was again, saying that He is the One who opens and closes the womb. A medical intervention couldn’t get us around God’s will for our family. He was and is still in control. 

The more time that passed, the more I grieved the loss of my dream of having a large family. The more time that passed, the more we started to talk about the future as being only the 3 of us. And as much as that isn’t the path I would’ve chosen for us, I did reach a place where I realized that would still be “ok” if that’s what God wanted for us. We also had some discussions about foster parenting or adopting.

God just seemed so distant. I felt like I was wandering in a desert all alone. Because infertility is such a personal struggle, you can’t make a public announcement about it. But by not saying anything, you are all the more isolated and alone in your pain. I wondered if God cared. I’d hear others talk about feeling so special in God’s sight. I couldn’t relate to that. I felt forgotten by God. Others prayed and were healed. Others received the desires of their hearts. Here I was. Waiting. Wanting. Feeling forgotten.

But I’m up here today to give God the glory because… I’m pregnant. The night that I took the pregnancy test at home and told my husband, he held me and said “Do you know what this means?” We were both crying. Through my head go all kinds of answers to that question – it means maternity clothes, it means Naomi gets to be a big sister, it means we have to set up a nursery again. But more than all of that, this thought came to mind: Yes, I know what this means. It means that God does hear. He does care. We’re not forgotten. Our prayers didn’t fall on deaf ears. He’s still working in us and through us. He hasn’t forgotten.

So praise the Lord. He’s still in control. He still heals. He still does miracles. And He’s still the Giver of Life. And Lord willing, we’ll welcome a new little one into our family around Thanksgiving time.

Untitled Comment

03:05, 2007-May-7 .. Posted by morningsunshine

I am reminded of hannah.Oh, blessed be the name of the Lord. I am so happy for you and your little family.

Untitled Comment

05:19, 2007-May-7 .. Posted by Kitty

He is good, congratulations.
Kitty