Homestead Longings

Define Love

How do you define “love”? Is it a feeling? Is it a need or an urge, or maybe a feeling of bliss or contentment? My personal definition for love has undergone a radical evolution this year. Whether by God’s hand or just as a bonus from the aftermath of a struggle I can’t really be sure.

By chance or by design, yet not fortunate under any circumstances, during this time of loneliness and sadness in my life, in walked one of the most difficult temptations there is for me. The old flame. All of the flattery and wooing stirred up old feelings and sent shameful fantasies running through my head. So, I did the only thing I could think to do. I firmly stated my love for my husband and my God and I walked away. Then when my mind was tormented by confusing and contradicting thoughts, which it seemed to be continuously for a time, I got on my knees and cried to God. He didn’t really answer much. My impression was more of Him just sitting there with me, waiting to see what I would do.

(I must admit that in the silence I was bombarded by voices that made me doubt God and His existence. I know now that it was the enemy that tried to tell me to just give up on God.)

That is when I started thinking about “love”. How is it that I can love and be devoted to my wonderful husband and then at the same time think that I might have love for another? Well, I guess that depends on your definition of love. If I define it as a feeling- of excitement, pleasure, or simply attraction- then I guess it is possible. But what about the times that those feelings fade back and the excitement dies down to the quiet thrum of life?

Are our marriages really meant to sustain our feelings and happiness or are they really for another purpose entirely? I asked myself what I have when those feelings are not overwhelming me.  I have something even more beautiful. I have a partner. I have a teammate. A commitment, and someone to share even the most mundane parts of life with. I have someone to share the bruises and scars of life with. I have someone to share in my story. We have one story to tell, with a shared history, a shared now, and a shared future. Even when he is across the world, we are one unit, one family, a new creation.

You don’t walk out on your team because a game isn’t going your way. You train harder. You train harder TOGETHER and you come back to the court or field the next season and you battle on. I have enjoyed the picture of marriage I have had in my mind of wine aging. It didn’t start as wine. It was grapes. Single, individual, very separate little grapes. Grapes that had to be stomped on and crushed until they were pressed into something new and mixed together, and then aged until they were yet again something new.

So, I am left with another question. How can you show or give love if you have a limited definition?

With my previous definition of uncontrollable and effortless emotions, I shouldn’t ever have to do anything. Love should just effortlessly come to me and whoever else claims to be in love with me. But that isn’t right is it?

Untitled Comment

06:42, Sunday, July 5, 2009 .. Posted by takeadeepbreath

Agape love (Greek) ........look it up the defenition will blow you away.
Feelings, and emotions are two of satans favorite tools. They are his easiest tools too, because so many people are ruled by their emotions.......so manipulation is a piece of cake!!

Laura