What prepares a mother for the loosening of the apron strings?

My two oldest children have moved out and started weaving new people, places and things into their own life tapestries. Granted, they are under my brother’s roof, but they are gone none-the-less. They are no longer intricately involved in the day-to-day ebb and flow of the lives of the family left at home. They miss first steps, first new words, first readings, first loose tooth, and many other things that we have all shared for years together. What was once common takes on a whole new meaning. More sentimental, in a way, to my mother heart. For I know now what is around the bend. I have been there.

Some nights I wake in the darkness with tears hot on my face. I miss the older ones terribly. I lie there in the darkness and reminisce about their younger years. I wonder what they have done that day, where did they do, who did they meet? I think about the exciting prospects in their future. Things like marriage and children. Sometimes there is guilt. I cry out to the Lord and pray for them. Deeply and earnestly I pray. I know what I want for their futures but I am not their Maker. I did not know the numbers of hairs on their head before they were born. I do not know the plans the Lord has for them. He does and I can rest in that. In his heart a man plans his course but the Lord determines his steps. - Proverbs 16:9

The years of staying at home and being with them, sheltering them, praying for them and with them, and teaching them have been the best thing I could do for them. Shaping them and molding them and helping them to see Whose they are. Those years were not wasted and as I look back in my mind, I know that. They know that. They have a strong foundation of faith to stand on.

I have many more years, the Lord willing, of staying home, teaching the others and I love that fact. I know what a great foundation I am setting and Who I am serving as I do it. It makes every moment with these at home more bittersweet. The mindless day-to-day things we do take on a whole new light. Each and every thing has a purpose under heaven. If you look at the timeline of an average life span, childhood is only a fraction of that timeline. A very small fraction.

Last night was a new first in my life as it was the first time I have ever left the baby. I have been with her nearly every waking moment and into the night since she was born. I just never left her. I did try one time one Sunday night in the church nursery, but it was a disaster. I walked her down the hall, checked her in, went to the restroom and back to my seat to sit down and the pager started going off. I got back to the nursery only to hear her sobbing uncontrollably. Last night I had a board meeting for our home school group. While I had a great time at the meeting and I know my sweet husband does wonderful with his children, I still could not wait to get home. Leaving baby at home with her daddy is a little loosening of the apron strings for her and me.

Weaning them, potty-training, teaching them the alphabet, how to read, addition and subtraction, multiplication and division and algebra are also a loosening of the apron strings of sorts. They must be able to have the foundation to be able to make their way in this world. The very cornerstone of this foundation is to teach them all about the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. When we rise up or sit down. When we walk by the way or lie down at night. Pray for them. Love them with a Mother’s love that can only, only come from the heart of God.

My consolation during those night awakenings is that I have done what I could. What the world calls a waste, as the disciples called the anointing of the costly oil to Jesus’ head, by staying at home and giving all of myself to my Lord, children, husband and home, Jesus was being served. Foundations were and are being laid. They will always have the Word in their heart no matter what path their feet may wander. It is the number one, most important thing in life. It will not return void.

Keep pressing on towards the prize. Give yourself wholly and completely to God, your family and home. It will be worth it all in the end. For if you are a mother, you were created to be a giver.

**This was written in August of 2007.  Updated information is my daughter is at home again and my son is still with my brother and his family.  Doing well.

Sunday we had the pleasure of celebrating the 89^th birthday of our family matriarch, my grandmother. Cousins, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, children, parents were all in attendance. My grandmother is a beautiful woman who relies soley on the Lord for her companion. Her husband left the family when my mother was 2 months old and my grandmother then raised the five children alone. She never remarried. She says that her first husband is her only husband and never dated.

She is a lady in the truest sense of the word. She lovingly calls her children and grandchildren often. Most times passing on “cousin” news. Who had a baby, who went where, who’s doing what, etc. This weekend mostly all of the cousins were in attendance. It was a surprise party. With home cooking, down home country stuff. It was beautiful.

What I wasn’t ready for was the flood of emotions that came upon me when Grandmoma walked in that door. I had not seen Grandmoma since the weekend before Mother’s day. She was walking with a walker that day. She had a fall last year and broke her hip and that was a very emotional time as well for our family. She has always been a strong and healthy woman. Then she began to lose her eyesight and then the fall…I was not ready to see a frail woman being led in with a cane. A whole sea of emotions washed over me…memories and thoughts that I have never held in my heart before.

Where had the years gone? It seems like only yesterday I was that little girl jumping on her couch. Holding her hand as she walked me to nursery school, her saying, “you walk on the inside, I will walk on the outside.” The early morning awakenings then going downstairs and her singing to me, “Here she comes, its Miss America…..”. The biscuits with honey. The tuna patties. The hot dog and hamburger dinner every Wednesday night. Spending the weekends with her watching late night tv on Saturday. Riding to church on Sunday’s and her handing me a certs. At church she would always have to tell me to quit fidgetting!

Here she was being led in, albeit grudgingly but still…There aren’t many more years or opportunities to make memories with her. She lives about two hours away from me and I don’t get out there as often as I would like. I regret that….

She called today. We talked about the party. We talked about the baby. We talked about the weather. Sometimes, in my rush of life I don’t always relish in our conversations. Today, I did. Today I wanted to make another memory. I wanted to hang on her every word. I even slowed down and let the littles talk to her. They generally don’t like the phone, but here lately they have taken a real interest.

Whatever the thing you find to do, do it as unto the Lord. Take stock and make memories. That is what life is made of.