ellie's chat

Trusting In the Dark

How many times have you looked ahead and wondered just what on earth was going on? What you see is NOT what you expected.

I can relate to that feeling. Some time ago, the Lord started to reveal His plan to me and began again the call on my life that actually began when I was a little girl. But this time the dream was much clearer and much more desired. I knew God had called me to serve Him, but that my heart's desire was not to serve alone. He had given me a husband whom I assumed God would use to serve with me. Together God would use us in some form of ministry or service - big or small didn't matter. I just knew we were called to serve the Lord.

I came right up to that door of my dreams, and as I was about to step across the threshold my husband was suddenly killed in a freak motorcycle accident. It left me paralyzed. I literally didn't know what to do next. All God’s plans and dreams came crashing down and I couldn't understand how I could possibly go on. Had I misunderstood? Had I been wrong? I could not see before me, much less comprehend what had happened behind me.

Now, some years later I still am learning where God's plan is taking me. I don't know more then the day ahead. But God has taught me so much about Himself. See, it wasn't until I was blinded and couldn't see that I began to trust and fully depend on God. When I could see where I was going, I didn't feel the need to totally come to God for everything. I held back on some stuff- mostly the small stuff. But now, that has changed. I have learned that God's promises are true and that even though it may not make sense, I have never been without. What's better is that my security and worth is in something that will not be moved or taken from my life. Jesus lives forever and since He is not temporal, satan cannot steal Him from me. Therefore, I am more grounded now then I was before my husband died. That faith in Jesus makes my life worth living. Better yet, I am excited for my future and seeing what God's plan for me is - since His promises never fail.

I am human and at times I wonder where my life is heading and start doubting. But then I am reminded of my faith in Jesus. He has never left me nor forsaken me. He has been with me through every horror and miracle in my life. If He says He will restore me, then He will restore me. Hebrews 11:1 has greater meaning for me because I now realize what my faith in Jesus does for me and how much armor it gives me against the enemy.

Satan is a defeated foe through my Savior's blood. When the tunnel of life is dark and its darkness is pressing in on me, I cling to the precious promises of my God (2 Peter 1:4) and it makes my life worth living. I can handle not seeing because I know He does and He has never left me nor forsaken me and He never will.