Homesteading: A Woman's Journey

Rain & other stuff

11:16, Thursday, August 3, 2006 .. Posted in Personal Thoughts .. 1 comments .. Link

Tonight it finally rained. It didn't last really long, but we will take what we can get!!!! The storm also brought cooler temps with it. What a blessing!

Tonight, I am finishing up a few things that I wanted to have done before my beloved gets home tomorrow. I can't wait to see him again. Though we have the daily emails, I always look forward to being able to give him a hug. I never realised just how much I took for granted the ability to just look over and see him in the room. Or hear him in another room working on something or playing with Abbie.

I think that is part of the reason that I stay so busy. The days pass faster that way. The first part of the week is hard. Especially Mondays when he leaves. Wednesday, things are better because I know that the work week is half over. Thursday, I am finishing up whatever projects that I may have going on. Then on Fridays, I go nuts waiting for his arrival. LOL   I already have things finished and so I spend the day looking out the window everytime I hear a semi.

I've finally realised that I need to find friendships to develop. It isn't that I am a hermit. I just love being home. I love my house and being around the animals. I love having my time to play with Abbie and when she is sleeping, do projects here to care for the home. The problem is, I have never realised how lonely I get. I do great normally, but a couple of times something has happened that tells me that I need to get out once in a while and meet new friends.

What happened was really something stupid, but it actually made me cry the first time it happened. One afternoon, a car pulled into our drive and sat there for a couple of minutes. I thought maybe someone was stopping by and was hesitating because they heard the dogs barking in their kennel.   I realised that I was wrong when I went to the door and they were leaving. At that moment, I realised how much I had enjoyed the idea of someone coming by to visit. Tears came to my eyes and I had me a nice little "pity party" as we called it when I was in school.

Problem is, even when I was in school, I was always horribly shy around people I didn't know. Also if I was in unfamiliar situations or in groups of people. Even now, while we are at church, my beloved has a wonderful time walking up to people after services are over and visits with them. He makes it look so easy. It is something that I admire alot about him. While he is visiting, I usually sit back and watch him. He usually has Abigail in his arms and is showing her off. I love watching the two of them together. Sometimes, I will talk to someone that I know, but strangers are really hard for me to approach. I also noticed that I tend to go up to people only if there is a specific purpose in mind. Such as when I needed to either ask a question or had something specific to discuss.

I am going to try and figure this one out. I have invited people to our home before and they don't come. I was horribly hurt last June, when I was having a scrapbook party and had invited about 50 people. I had made little project kits for 3 different projects to let everyone make. I also had spent the morning baking refreshments. I had quite a few people tell me they were coming. That day, I had arranged for my in-laws to watch Abigail and Joe and I were going to handle the party. That day, no one showed up. These were our neighbors and friends. Though I talk to them when I see them, I have never brought up the topic to them after that.   When I do see them and say hello, they seem to genuinely enjoy the conversations. But they never accept invitations to our home. I guess that is what makes it hard to get to know new people. Sad part is, I really want to get to know others around here. I am just afraid to reach out.

The people at church are very nice and welcoming. Only disadvantage is that the church is 85 miles from home. Which makes it very difficult to get together. Besides which most of the women there are working outside the home, so would have a limited amount of time for visits because they will want to be with their family - and rightly so!

Where do you find the balance?

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Oh, I know what you mean -

03:47, Friday, August 4, 2006 .. Posted by Nonni
I am the quiet and reserved one here as well - my Dh can strike up a conversation with any one - any where! Seriously - I was in the hospital E.R with Kidney Stones - and HE left with the phone number of a couple there - the wife had taken a fall - they almost were asked to leave they were so jovial, trying to keep things light for us ... Of course she and I were not the only ones in the room, sigh. Plus, I mean I was DYING - ok, not *really* - but you get the idea ;-)

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