The Homestead Way of Life

A Few Thoughts on my Silver Anniversary

Today is our 25th wedding anniversary.  As I write this, my wonderful husband is in his shop finishing a beautiful harvest table he has been working on for me.  He has been working seven days a week for many weeks now, and he is spending this one precious day off sacrificing his own pleasures in order to bring me pleasure.  That is a good man.  This is also what makes for a good and lasting marriage.  He is willing to lay down his life for me and I am willing to lay down my life for him.

As I was thinking back over the years of our marriage, I wondered what kind of wisdom I wish a woman married 25 years had shared with me when I had only been married 5 or 10 or 15 years.  Here are a few thoughts.  Maybe they can help you avoid some of the pitfalls into which I fell from time to time.

1)  Speak Less:  About 75% of what you think absolutely needs to be said doesn't really need to be said at all.   Most importantly, do not speak when you are in a storm of emotion.  Wait for the storm to pass (it will).  Pray about what you want to say for 24 hours and if the need to say it is still present, then speak - but only once.  Then leave it in your husband's (and God's) hands.

2)  Smile More:  Greet your husband at the door when he comes home from work.  Let the children see your excitement that Daddy is home.  Ask him about his day and listen when he tells you.

3) Try to See Him in the Best Light:  He's not perfect, he never will be.  Maybe he smells sometimes, maybe he's not "Mr. Romance", maybe he doesn't possess great insight into your soul, but he loves you and is probably doing his best to make you happy.  Give him some credit for that.

4)  When You Do Speak, Make it Count:  Tell him how much you appreciate how hard he works for you and the kids.  Tell him you love him and still think he's a handsome guy. 

5)  Put Him First:  Yes, before the kids, before this or that ministry, before the computer, before your favorite T.V. show, before wherever it is you want to go today - be thinking about him and what his needs may be and then try to fulfill those needs first. 

This all might sound a little one-sided.  Of course, the man has his role in marriage.  But, this is what I have learned.  I can tell you that when I practice these things, I end up being blessed.  When I speak less, he talks more and then wants to hear what I have to say.  When I smile at him, he smiles back at me.  When I think of him in the best possible light, he thinks of me in the best possible light.  When I speak words of love and encouragement to him, I usually get them right back.  When I put him first, he puts me first.

I think a very good scripture to meditate on for the marriage relationship is Philippians 2:3

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself."

That will make for a very happy marriage.

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04:39, 2006-May-23 .. Posted by southernbelle

How wonderfully put. I will be celebrating my 25th in a little over a year. I would be giving the same advice.
Happy Silver Wedding Anniversary!!!

Congratulations!!!

06:01, 2006-May-23 .. Posted by TheGoodLife

We will be 20 years this year.

I have read the Pearls book. However I think your post is soo much mor real and better!!!!!!!!!

Love leanne NZ

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07:02, 2006-May-23 .. Posted by homesteadinthemaking

Happy Anniversary. We will be married 16 years on June 17. Your advice I still need. Thank you for sharing.

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09:45, 2006-May-24 .. Posted by Carol

Very well said. Happy Anniversary!!
We will be celebrating our 39th, Feb/07.
~Carol

Happy Anniversary

11:06, 2006-May-24 .. Posted by Pattisea

I am so pleased to hear such great advice. All things I know are true and I don't practice nearly enough!

We'll be celebrating our 18th next month and that is quite a milestone for us. At our wedding my father in law said to the Pastor "I give them three months!"

Hah!

(The dear man has since repented almost every year and is very glad he was wrong).

Thanks so much for the birthday wishes! I always appreciate being thought of! LOL

Have a great day and I certainly WILL let you come visit the garden when it is going strong (so you can be impressed with my gardening prowess!).

Patti

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04:51, 2006-May-24 .. Posted by jenna

Congratulations and Happy Anniversary!!!

And thank you for the advice! We're just coming up on our 7th anniversary this summer. Looking at the other comments, I guess I'm just a young'un. And I definitely need the advice! Sometimes I still feel like a newlywed trying to figure out my husband! LOL

Blessings to you and your husband,
jenna :)

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06:28, 2006-May-26 .. Posted by gardengate2

Congrats and AMEN!!!