Teaching Children to be Thankful

Posted on Wednesday, November 21, 2007 at 8:06

I printed this section of an article written by Shalom Brand in the last issue of the Cottage Chatter newsletter; it is definitely worth posting here.

When does thankfulness start? You, as a parent, teach your child to say, “thank you,” and everyone thinks it is so cute. But are you teaching them to be thankful as well? Thankfulness is more caught than taught. It comes from the heart, not the will, and not from good habits. Thankfulness is opposed to whining and griping; a child can’t do both. So, a thankful child is a happy child. If a mother is joyful, the child will be as well. If the mother is unthankful, she will never teach her children to be thankful, no matter what they say in response to a gift.   Read the complete article here.

As parents, we have the daunting responsibility and privilege of shaping our children's character while it is still tender and mold-able.  Nipping selfishness in the bud and replacing it will a grateful, thankful heart is vitally important in the kind of adults our children will become.  However, as Mrs. Brand pointed out in her challenging article, training children to be truly thankful is so much more than merely teaching them to say "thank you". 

I've been at birthday parties where parents were nearly red with embarassment at the ungrateful and shelfish behaviour of their small Birthday Child.  Very often, our children are simply a reflection of who we are as parents. 

I thought of some practical ways we can demonstrate gratefulness in every day living.  Rremember, this isn't about just "showing" thankfulness".  Our children will discern if we are just "putting on" for the occassion or if we truly have joyful, thankful hearts.

• Express gratitude for services rendered to us, even if it is expected.  The waiter at a restaurant deserves a warm smile and a sincere "thank you" (and a decent tip), even though it is "his job" to make sure your food is hot, on time, and prepared the way you like it.  Children should NEVER get the feeling that they are "owed" something, even from someone who is being paid to serve them. 
• Don't just say "thank you"... send a card!  I am amazed at how many mothers fail to send "thank you" notes for birthday party gifts.  I realize that we are all busy people with a lot on our plates, but a simple card (your child can even help make them) goes a long way in expressing gratitude. 
• Ever heard of a hostess gift?  My grandma taught me an important lesson in expressing true gratefulness in the spirit of gracious womanhood... when I was about 16, my sister and I had been invited to spend the night at a friend's home.  My grandma asked us, "Do you have a hostess gift to bring?"  I had never heard of a hostess gift!  It is simply a small token of appreciation given to the hostess of a dinner party, sleep over, etc, for her graciouness in extending an invitation.  My sister and I picked out a very inexpensive gift from a local shop (I think it was a $5 "Cherished Teddy" with our friend's initial on it)... we coupled this with a simple note card and our friend was thrilled!  Your hostess gift does not have to be store bought... a batch of homemade cookies or a homemade hot cocoa mix would be lovely... Nor should it be expensive... a bottle of Bath & Body Works bath gel that you bought last summer at the semi-annual sale will work just fine!  I keep a little "gift closet" full of these kinds of gifts; I pick them up here and there throughout the year for birthdays or unexpected occassions where a small but lovely gift would be appropriate.  Chances are your children would love helping pick out a perfect little token of thankfulness for a friend (be it grown up or child)... while you're wrapping the gift be sure to explain it's purpose: "Isn't it so nice that Aunt Sarah invited us to her Christmas party?  Aunt Sarah is so thoughtful, so we're going to be thoughtful, too, and give her this little gift."  Your child may be busy taping wrapping paper or cutting ribbon, but her little mind will be soaking up the concepts you're slipping in here and there. 
• DO NOT CRITICIZE.  A critical spirit is the opposite of a thankful spirit.  If anything is more contageous than a grateful attitude, it is a critical attitude.  Your children will pick up every time you make negative comments about the way the Sunday morning service went at church, or the way the cook over baked your potato, or the ugly scarf your great-aunt gave you for your birthday.  You do not need to pretend that life is perfect or that people do not make mistakes, but remember "love covers a multitude of sins".  Demonstrating a loving, thankful attitude, even when people are unthoughtful, silly or even rude, will go a long way in teaching your children how to respond to difficult situations.  A critical, complaining attitude is never truly justified, but it will go a long way in training your children to be selfish, complaining and highly unpleasant little people. 

Remember: thankfulness is more caught than taught!  Have a truly thankful spirit and it will be contageous to everyone around you... especially your children.

~Kristy

www.homemakerscottage.com

Untitled Comment

Posted by Kitty on Wednesday, November 21, 2007 at 9:31 - Link

I just visited your Homemakers Cottage site and loved it. I will link it to my blog for much future use. Thanks........Kitty

Awesome!

Posted by Anna S on Wednesday, November 21, 2007 at 10:45 - Link

Kristy, what an awesome article. I agree with you - a spirit of gratitude isn't just learned through training; it's soaked in!

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Posted by Glammon on Wednesday, November 21, 2007 at 11:00 - Link

What a great post! Especially true is the negativity others around you can pick up on if you allow negative things to not only come out of your mouth, but show through your actions. This is something I am working on personally in hopes someday it will be my first instinct to be thankful, positive, and grateful first instead of the negative reaction first with regret to follow. Thanks for the encouragement and the reminders. I love the idea of hostest gifts, especially around the holidays. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!