Mothers Who Know

Hubby comes home!!

Today we are awaiting Daddy's return from a business trip. He left on Monday, and will return in a few hours. I had planned a couple of projects around the house while he was gone - but due to being sick, I wasn't able to get them done.

I don't know about any of you, but I usually feel one of two ways when my husband goes away. I am either completely dreading the week, and just hate to see him go. OR, I am determined to fix all that is wrong with me and the house, so that when he gets back, he will walk into the kind of house he deserves. Does anyone else try to do this when their husband travels, or is it just me??

This week, I was finally going to get everyone on a schedule that they actually try to follow, get all the bedrooms clean, the laundry put away, have next week all planned out (it's dh's vacation), and have a big stack of schoolwork for the kids to show off. I was going to master not yelling, not losing my patience, and getting up early every day. The kids were all going to be less rambunctious, more eager to help, and happily doing thier chores.

Obviously, this didn't happen. Nor would it have. Permanent change does not happen over night, or even in a week. You can get off to a good start in that amount of time, but then it takes consistent hardwork and effort to maintain. We don't need to have a special week, that we plan to get 'everything' in order. We don't need to pick a date on the calendar, or even start 'tomorow'. All we need to do is go forward from where we are. I have been waiting for the past month for this week to come. Now it has come and gone, and with me being sick, we didnt get anywhere.

I could have started a month ago, just making small corrections. Taking a deep breath before I responded, and gradually reduced the amount I yell. I could have gradually increased the time I wake up everymorning by fifteen minutes every week, and by now, I would have been at an hour earlier. I point these things out, as I always seem to fall into the trap of planning a date, where 'everything will change', as if I can force myself to become perfect overnight.

I read a poem the other day called "Do the Next thing". It made me realize, that life isnt about planning a day of change, it is about always just doing the next thing. We can continue to follow the same course, by doing the next thing the same as always, or we can start to change with the very next thing instead. I challenge everyone who reads this blog, to pick something they have been wanting to change, and to pick a small step of that change, as the "next thing" they do.

First Week of School

This was our first week of school for the year. I was so excited to get started. To start all the new books, open all the new school supplies, try out all the new ideas!! Get everyone back on a schedule!! Monday went pretty well. First days back are always a little bit funny. Everyone is excited to see all the new stuff, but they are also having a tough time getting back into the 'routine' - the whole "the best of times, the worst of times"  kind of deal. However, we got through the day, and I was looking forward to Tuesday. I knew I would be tired. (After I got most of the kids to bed that night, a friend stopped by so I could teach her how to make a blueberry pie - homemade crust and handpicked blueberries).

However, I woke up the next day, not tired, but SICK!! I couldn't believe it, the second day of school and we already had to take a sick day. The older kids held down the fort with (I am ashamed to admit) the assistance of DVD's and Tv shows. They normally are not allowed to watch it at all, but I could hardly get out of bed. By around 3:30 I was feeling a tiny bit better, but was completely exhausted, and knew I wasn't going to be able to dinner either. Fortuneately, we live close by family, so I had the kids call and have my mom come over with dinner. She fed them all, got a couple of them bathed, and helped put them to bed - though I was able to say prayers with them and kiss them all good night.

Wednesday morning I felt better, but still tired, so I came downstairs while they had breakfast with my mom (she spent the night, and went and got them doughnuts). After she left to go home and get ready for work, I had them go outside for a while for some fresh air, while I sat on the swing. Slowly through the day, I had them do some chores, we read our scriptures, and we even read some of our book, "Journey to the Center of the Earth". My mother came back with dinner again, and a few groceries.

 I thought I would be completely better by this morning, but I am still a little tired - I think maybe I tried to jump back into things too much, a little too early. So the kids are playing right now, while I try to get started for the day. Then we will get the chores done, do our morning devotional, and have lunch. After that, hopefully, we will get to some schoolwork.

If we don't though, I think the kids still learned some valuable lessons. They helped watch all the kids while mom was sick, taking care of themselves and the littles. They helped me out as well, bringing me drinks and checking on me. They saw my mom come and spend the night to help out, which I was grateful for. So even if we dont get to book work -  learning caring and compassion are never wasted lessons!!!

Trip to Pennsylvania

It is my husbands vacation and we were trying to figure out what we were going to do that week. We had decided to forego a regular vacation this year, so that we could spend the money on some projects that needed to get done instead. Next year, we are planning a two week trip anyway, so we figured we could do without this year.

Sunday afternoon comes, and all of a sudden, I asked my husband what he thought about taking a trip to Pennsylvania. He was suprised to be asked this out of the clear blue, but said we could think about it. So over the next two days we went back and forth about the idea. Finally late Tuesday night, we decided to go for it!! The plan was to leave Thursday morning for Pennsylvania. That gave us the next day to pack and get ready to take seven children on a camping trip. On top of that, that Wed was full of things to do. We had carpet being put in in the morning. The Senior Missionaries were coming over to teach us how to make Clam chowder at lunch time- which came out absolutely wonderful. The dog had a vet appt. in the late afternoon, and we went out to dinner with my parents that night! I was wondering if we were insane to even attempt to do this - but we got it all done. We were up a little late the night before, and got started a little later in the morning than we had planned, but we did it!!!!

Thursday morning we pulled out, and headed to New York City. We saw the Statue of Liberty which was really cool. We didnt have time to get off at Ellis Island, but we got to see it from the boat. Unfortuneately, the camera we had was broken and so we didnt really get any still pictures of it - just video. We then drove by the Empire State Building, and Ground Zero, and stopped for McDonalds in downtown Manhattan. We would have liked to have stopped at a few more places, but it was getting late and we still needed to drive to Pennsylvania, and set up camp.

We got to the campsite around 6pm or so, and got everything all set up.The kids played at the play ground while we set up camp. We had hot dogs and hamburgers for dinner. Then we sat around the campfire and roasted marshmallows.

The next morning, Friday, Sean made pancakes on the new Coleman stove, while I made lunches for Gettysburg. We just had sandwiches, cookies, yogurts, drinks, and chips, nothing special, but it was great to not have to stop and buy fast food, wasting both time and money. We got to Gettysburg National Park, had lunch, and then took the tour. It was amazing reading the stories, and watching the videos. A couple of the kids started off a little rough, but as the day went on, everyone had a great time. We drove around Gettysburg and saw the monuments, and climbed a 122 step tower to see a magnificient view. The kids got to go rock climbing, and climb a castle. The rain that was threatening all day, held off till we were on our way back to camp. We had stopped at DQ to get some ice cream, and right as were bringing it to the car, it opened up and poured buckets!!!

When we got back to camp, I made chicken rice, and started working on the dessert, while Sean cooked the BBQ chicken on the grill. (We had marinated it and stored it in a container - so all we had to do was cook it - we had done the same thing with the hamburgers the night before as well). After dinner, while the kids went swimming, I made Apple Crisp in the Dutch Oven - it came out really good - even though it was my first time ever cooking in it. I could hear dh talking to the kids about thier favorite part of the day around the fire while I nursed Princess Chaluba to sleep.

The next day, we saw Chocolate World, and took an Amish buggy ride. It was so much fun!!! We stopped at a house on the way and they had a little store that we could go into, and I bought a bonnet for the three year old, and a cookbook. Sean kept teasing me, that he could picture me out with a little stand, all dressed up, and selling homemade goodies, and jams. (I had spent Monday and Tuesday before we left, picking strawberrys and making jam.) We went to a family style dinner that night, which was really good. They had this item called ham loaf. It was shaped like a meat loaf (which I really dislike), but it was really good. It had kind of a sweet taste to it. I found it in my Amish Cookbook and will try it out at some point.

The next day we woke up early, broke up camp, had breakfast, and left for home. It was Sunday, so we stopped for Church in a town called Nazareth, and attended the ward there. The people were very nice and welcoming. We stayed the whole time, enjoyed the lessons and the Spirit, and then headed off for home. We arrived home later on that evening.

Overall, it was an awesome trip. We all had a lot of fun. It was nice to be off on our own as a family, just spending time with each other, away from all the distractions of life. It was so much fun camping, being outside, and enjoying nature. It was one of those times that really stand out, and remind you, why you do all that you do. It is moments like this that you think of when you are dreaming of raising a large family. It was definitely a successful vacation!!!!

I am still here!!

Wow! Has is really been three weeks since I last posted!? Time just goes by so fast sometimes.

Last week, was my husband was on vacation for the week. We ended up splurging a little, as I dont think we are going on a real vacation this year, and our ski trip got rained out. So we did roller skating, Chuck E Cheese's, pizza a few times, and rented some movies.

We also managed to get some painting done. We painted the stairway area, and the upstairs hallway. Then we finally hung all the kids newborn pictures going up the stairs. We bought eight frames, (in case we ever need another matching one), so we put a picture of all the kids together in the last one at the top of the stairs.

It was so nice to spend the week as a family. Vacations always make me yearn for when your whole family lived and worked together all the time. You had breakfast, lunch, and dinner all as a family. The young men would go work with their dad, and learn how to be a man by his side. The young women would help learn to run the home, and the younger ones had plenty of worthwhile activities to keep them busy. Life wasn't so frantic, so split. It was whole.

Growing out of 'it' Part Three

So, what is the point of these three posts? I am hoping to share what I have learned with others just starting out, and I am hoping to learn from those a little further ahead on the road. It took me six children and almost thirteen years to figure out that children don't grow out of character flaws. They are taught out of them - they dont grow out of them. I spent most of the time, when my children were little, managing them, when I should have been training them. I managed, contained, refereed, baby proofed, distracted, nagged, and scolded, when I should have been training.

Issues relating to immaturity are resolved in time. Not being able to sit still for very long, waking up in the middle of the night, potty training accidents, stuff like that is grown out of. Temper tantrums, though grown out of on a physical level, are not grown out of on an emotional level. Blaming everyone else for your problems is not grown out of. Character issues are not grown out of. If you have a child that struggles with lying, if it is not addressed and addressed successfully, the child will continue to have a problem with lying. The same thing with anger, and respect for others.

A lot of time, these things can be taught, as they get older, and corrected. But, oh how much extra energy it takes to change a heart when they are older, than to just train it when it is younger. Training methods vary from person to person, and family to family, but it must be there. There must be a standard that is set, and consistent reinforcement of that standard. There must also be practice, and time to try out skills. If you have a child that has a character issue, you need to spend the time NOW training him - the younger, the better. As for those other things, that they do grow out of - the things that parenting magazines are full of - dont worry about them. Children will eventually crawl, walk, talk, make friends, potty train, sleep through the night, regardless of our parenting skills and worries. Chidren, however, will not become moral, faithful, hardworking, and trustworthy adults without good parenting skills.

They don't grow out of 'it'. They grow into 'it' more strongly the longer they are allowed to be that way.

Disclaimer: I am writing with the assumption that all people reading already know that children, especially babies, need to be loved. They need affection, safety, security, a strong bond with thier mothers and fathers, and lots of time being held, snuggled, and otherwise loved. The training mentioned is in addition to those things, and done in a loving caring manner consistent with that of Mother Who Knows.

Growing out of "it" Part Two

So, here we are with now five children, starting to feel a little overwhelmed at times. It started to get more tiring. We spent a year betweeen building a house, and moving into the new one, with a stop at my parents house for four months in between. By the time we moved I was so exhausted, at that point, I was hoping we were done having children.

Once we got settled, things improved to the point that I again was hoping that we would have more children. A few months later, I got pregnant. With the pregnancy, and the tiredness that came with it, came again, that exhausted feeling. Our computer crashed, my best friends and supports moved out of state, and so by the time I had the baby, and the kids starting misbehaving during homeschooling again, I decided to let them try school.  They attended for a year and a half.  Nobody's behavior got better, I just didnt have to deal with it all day long. In some instances, it got worse. I noticed that they were not getting along with each other as well as they had prior to school. My oldest daughter, was being made to feel bad at school, because she liked being with her family.

They all came back home, and at first, it was so great. I couldn't believe I had let them go to school!! I so loved having them all home. I was able to recapture my vision of why I wanted a large homeschooling family. I loved my children more than ever. As the days wore on, and the newness of being together wore off though, the behavior challenges came back.

The three year old that had blamed everyone, was now a twelve year old, that blamed everyone - not so cute. The little girl that had been like a hurricane, had mellowed out around age 8, but still wouldn't cooperate unless she wanted too. The little girl who as a baby wouldn't acknowledge people talking to her, was a seven year old with no respect for anyone's authority. (Which believe it or not, I still convinced myself was good, as when she did behave, she was really choosing to behave, she wasn't behaving out of fear) My little boy was still calling me names, and was very defiant towards me.

I want to point out again, however, that they were not always like this. They had very good days. We were complimented every time we went somewhere, especially when we went out to eat. The children amazed us with what they were capable of when they tried. They would set the table up and make it all fancy and make lunch. My oldest could cook pretty well, and behaved excellent for everyone else - I was always hearing compliments about him. My oldest, Cata, was an absolute miracle worker with the babies - they would go to her like a second mother. Ashes was my artist, and very creative. They weren't 'bad' kids, they just had struggles here and there - mostly at home with me. That is why it took so long for me to finally realize that my "grow out of it" strategy wasn't working.

Growing out of 'it" Part 1

I have come to a certain realization in the past year or two. Children don't 'grow out' of certain things. They grow out of clothes, they grow out of teething, nursing in the middle of the night, and other baby type things, but they dont grow out of character issues.

When we were new parents, I was appalled at the suggestions that I should somehow 'curb' my child's expressions of self. I was supposed to stop him from asserting his 'independence', curb his curiosity, and not allow the 'expression' of emotions?? What kind of horrible, mean spirited tyrant did they think I wanted to be?? That might have been the way other people had raised thier children in the past. But, me, I was a young parent. I had studied all about children and thier need to express themselves, and the need to be able to explore thier enviroment with out any fear of being labeled naughty. And we set out on the journey of parenting.

It was cute when he would get mad, and blame everyone else for things. He would fall off his bike, and blame one of us for looking at him, or calling his name too loudly. He was two and a half, how could you not laugh??!! When he didnt like a meal, or I made something I didnt think he would like, I just made an alternate meal. It was no big deal.

Along came number two. She was like a walking hurricane. Sweet and sensitive and my most spiritual, but when she was little, she was a hurricane. She went from the time she got up to the time she went to bed. On the furniture, on the counters, climbing everything she could. We put the chairs on top of the table for a while to keep her from climbing on the table.

Number three came. We thought it was funny how she would refuse to look at other people. We told people it was because she was shy. It was really because she did not like anybody else but me, but I knew those parenting police people out there wouldn't understand that, so we called her shy, and everyone was ok with that.

Number four came, and was a delight. Till I stopped nursing him at three. His baby brother was six months old, and after six months of waiting his turn, he decided he was all done nursing. Within a few months, he had turned on me. My third, Ashes, had been very attatched to me, to the point she would scream if left with Dad, so I figured if this one wanted only Dad, then so be it. I would accept it without complaint, and let Dad have his turn as the favorite parent. I even found it amusing when at two, he decided to call me 'poophead', as well as everyone else. We did work on him not saying that, so he switched to 'I hate you'. My mother said she liked poophead better.

Now, lest you have the wrong impression, we did have rules, we did teach them things. They were all regular kids. They had good moments, and bad moments. The bad moments at first, were few and far between, and so they were bearable, even funny at times to us. However, as the children increased, their faults started to seem magnified. One child having a fit here or there and blaming you, was one thing, but four was a different story. Having to hold one child in your lap becuase he wouldn't sit in time out was one thing - try to do that when they decide to all misbehave.

Our main parenting philosophy was to try to just get through the stages, and try to teach them to be good when they were in good moods. This was more easily accomplished when I only had two or three. I had lots of time for stickers, and charts, and "we are not going anywhere until ____ is accomplished".  I was sure that all these problems we were having would be grown out of.

It's Snowing!!

We had about seven inches fall today. It looks so beautiful outside. Everything all covered in white - looks so clean and heavenly. This world is a truly beautiful place. We are so blessed to live in an area where we get to experience all four seasons.

The kids all bundled up this afternoon after learning a lesson on procrastination. I had told them all morning that it was going to snow, and before they could go out they had to finish thier chores, and at least get their math done. It was a little later in the day, as we had been out late looking at Christmas lights the night before so everyone slept a little later, and we had run some errands in the morning. However, they just kind of kept wandering about, not really putting forth much effort. Thier reasoning was: It hadn't started to even snow yet, and when it did, it would take a few hours to even have enough to enjoy - so they were waiting. All of a sudden, as if on cue when they said that - it starts snowing, and within a few minutes the ground starts getting covered. The kids pick it up a notch. Within a half hour, there is an inch. The kids start running around.

All of a sudden, there is an organized effort. One is in the kitchen cooking the frozen pizza we had bought that morning, while the other one is tutoring the littles in thier math. Then, after lunch, some are cleaning up while others are gathering mittens, boots, and coats for the younger ones. Within an hour, the downstairs has been tidied, lunch has been made, eaten, and cleaned up, and math has been done. A few more minutes and all except the baby are outside playing in the snow. It is always amazing what they can pull off with the proper motivation!!!!

Princess Chaluba

Glasses

I made a mistake this morning. I slept in. My husband slept in a little later than usual, and all the kids were still sleeping when he got out of the shower. So thinking I had a golden opportunity - I siezed it, and went back to sleep. Needless to say, within seconds of him walking out the door, they were all up. Which normally isn't a big deal, as I do have quite a few older kids to watch the littles while I shower.

Today though, I made the mistake of allowing the three year old to stay in my room while I showered. I also made the mistake of leaving my eyeglasses sitting on my bureau. Normally, she just tries them on and/or brings them to me. Not today!!! I was greeted by her holding the glasses in one hand, and the lenses in the other hand, and her shrugging her shoulders repeating over and over "I sorry, I sorry". They look like they were run over!!

We had a dentist appt. at 11:20, which we had to leave for at 10:40. It was now 8:38. By the time I got dressed, and got everyone else dressed, and breakfast and chores were done it was closer to 9:30. We drove over to the eyeglass place, and fortuneately they could make me a new pair, which I picked up after the dentist appt. - which was forty five minutes in the opposite direction. So much for my nice relaxing morning I had planned. Ever have a day like that?

On the silver lining side - at least it happened on a day I had the extra time to spend running to the eye doctors. Plus, my glasses had been needing to be replaced anyway (lost nose pad things), as they were always slipping off my face, and were scratched, and I just hadnt gotten to it - now I have!! Plus, Ashes, the second daughter, got her teeth fixed - we have tried to do it a few other times, and she was too scared to let them touch her once they stuck her with the needle. So today, my husband met us on lunch and went in with her, while I stayed in the waiting room with all the rest of the kids, and that did the trick - so she was finally able to have her cavities fixed.

Catching up Day!!

The kids are all off catching up on various projects around the house - so I have an extra minute. I just finished placing on online order of some church materials I have been meaning to get. I ordered all of the Primary curriculum books, the Aaronic Priesthood set, the beginning reader versions of the Scriptures, and a few other things. Oh, and I got a new picture kit. I love that kit - it has a picture (drawing) for every major bible story/theme in the scriptures as well as a synopsis of the story. It is a must have for devotionals with children!!

Our plans today include: catching up on dinner dishes (someone loaded lunch and forgot to run the dishwasher, so when we tried to clean dinner, we were met with a load of dirty dishes - so we are way behind as we had a big chicken dinner last night - plus a homemade apple pie!! Wash by hand - what's that??!!), catching up on laundry (Sat. was the ward christmas party which I was in charge of - so no laundry has been done since Fri morning, and I was a little behind then :-)), homeschool, morning devotional, and then I am hoping to make gingerbread cookies with the kids to hang on the tree we are going to pick out tonight.

The kids all want to decorate the tree the minute we get home - they dont understand the concept of letting it 'fall'. So, I thought if we had gingerbread cookies, we could decorate them when we get home with the tree, then have some hot chocolate, and we will read the story of the three trees for Family Home Evening. Then tomorow night, we will decorate the tree. I love Chrismas.

Oh, I almost forgot, we need to get the room ready for the tree (re: more cleaning - sigh..), and then get the stuff out of the attic to decorate the rest of the house with. So far all we have done is the lights outside and my new little village. Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I just love all the parties and get togethers - as I love spending time with friends and family. I love establishing traditions, and seeing my kids get as excited as I used too waiting to go to the same parties.

We have plans to go carolling at two different nursing homes (not today though) - one with church, and one with the homeschool group. I think I bought too much for the kids toy wise, so I think we will be doing a secret santa to someone that needs help. And I am hoping to make cookies for the neighbors that we can put a little spiritual message with. Now, if I could just keep this house clean in the middle of it all...........

Thanksgiving

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. It is amazing how fast time seems to be passing lately. This time last year, we were eagerly anticipating the upcoming birth of our seventh child. Princess Chaluba is now already walking! We truly need to treasure these days, as they are so fleeting.

We spent the morning watching the parade on tv, then we headed over to my family's house for Thanksgiving dinner. We ate around one o'clock. It was delicious - especially the sweet potatoes - yum!

I am so proud of my husband and children. My family are not externally religious so they do not normally bless meals - except on Thanksgiving. Usually my father asks us to offer the blessing. So, we all sit down to eat and my husband and kids are all just waiting for the blessing. But my dad doesn't ask. Not wanting to ruffle any feathers I was going to just let it pass, but my dear husband tells me he would really like to have one. So, I ask if we are having one. We are told to go ahead and offer one. My daughter, Cata, offers a simple but sincere prayer, and then we eat. What great examples they are!!

After my parents, we went and visited my husband's side and had more dessert. We got to spend some time with his grandparents. His grandfather is actually in having heart surgery today. So please remember him in your prayers. They are such nice, sweet people. When I look to the future and picture us in our old age, I think of them. They obviously still love each other very much.

I am so grateful for my family, and for the gospel. I am grateful for this wonderful country in which we live, and for the freedom that our constitution grants us. I am grateful for Jesus Christ and his atoning sacrifice, and for my relationship with Heavenly Father. I pray that there are things you can be grateful for in your own life. No cloud is so dark that there is not a silver lining.

Meet the Family

My name is Brenda, and I have been married to my wonderful husband Sean, for about 15 years. We have been blessed with seven children so far. My oldest son, M, is 14. Then I have two daughters, Cata,11, and Ashes is almost 9. I then have two boys J, who is 7, and K, who is 5. Then its back to girls with L who is 3 and Princess Chaluba who is almost 1.

I am so excited to finally create this blog. It is something I have wanted to do for a long time. I was putting it off till the kids got older, but I keep seeing people with larger families than mine able to pull this off, so I figured I would give it a shot. There are so many things that I would love to write about - it will be hard to pick what to include in this blog, and what not to.

To start with, I figured I would give a basic description of who we are as a family. We do homeschool, and have for the past eight years (with the exception of a few months - a story for another post). We have been videos only for the past almost 7 months - no tv programs - however do to recent illnesses and the fact that mom was gone for the day - they did spend Sat watching  the science and food network channels.

I have nursed all my children, from a few months in the beginning, to the last four being exclusively nursed for about a year, and nursed until they were around 2 to 2.5. I have had them in a hospital, though I would love to have them at home. (again - another post).

We are active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I will post my conversion story later on, but for now, I wll just say, that I have a very strong testimony of Jesus Christ as my Savior, the head of his church, and in his atoning sacrifice. I love my Heavenly Father, and seek always to follow his will in my life. We are the only members of our church in our family, and one of very few that attend any church.

I try to be a  keeper at home, though I will admit that organization is one of my main challenges. No matter how hard I try, I just cannot seem to keep the home as I would like it. My husband on the other hand was born organized. He is an absolutely amazing man. He provides for us so well. He just earned his Associates degree this month, and has up until then provided for us a wonderful big home, in a nice safe town, with all that we need, all on a high school diploma by virtue of his hard work and integrity. He is truly a gift from Heavenly Father.

Well, thats about it, I think. Breakfast time is over - dad was here this morning so we got off to a later start than normal, so I need to go get everyone rounded up for the days activities.