Mothers Who Know

Growing out of 'it' Part Three

So, what is the point of these three posts? I am hoping to share what I have learned with others just starting out, and I am hoping to learn from those a little further ahead on the road. It took me six children and almost thirteen years to figure out that children don't grow out of character flaws. They are taught out of them - they dont grow out of them. I spent most of the time, when my children were little, managing them, when I should have been training them. I managed, contained, refereed, baby proofed, distracted, nagged, and scolded, when I should have been training.

Issues relating to immaturity are resolved in time. Not being able to sit still for very long, waking up in the middle of the night, potty training accidents, stuff like that is grown out of. Temper tantrums, though grown out of on a physical level, are not grown out of on an emotional level. Blaming everyone else for your problems is not grown out of. Character issues are not grown out of. If you have a child that struggles with lying, if it is not addressed and addressed successfully, the child will continue to have a problem with lying. The same thing with anger, and respect for others.

A lot of time, these things can be taught, as they get older, and corrected. But, oh how much extra energy it takes to change a heart when they are older, than to just train it when it is younger. Training methods vary from person to person, and family to family, but it must be there. There must be a standard that is set, and consistent reinforcement of that standard. There must also be practice, and time to try out skills. If you have a child that has a character issue, you need to spend the time NOW training him - the younger, the better. As for those other things, that they do grow out of - the things that parenting magazines are full of - dont worry about them. Children will eventually crawl, walk, talk, make friends, potty train, sleep through the night, regardless of our parenting skills and worries. Chidren, however, will not become moral, faithful, hardworking, and trustworthy adults without good parenting skills.

They don't grow out of 'it'. They grow into 'it' more strongly the longer they are allowed to be that way.

Disclaimer: I am writing with the assumption that all people reading already know that children, especially babies, need to be loved. They need affection, safety, security, a strong bond with thier mothers and fathers, and lots of time being held, snuggled, and otherwise loved. The training mentioned is in addition to those things, and done in a loving caring manner consistent with that of Mother Who Knows.

Untitled Comment

05:23, Monday, January 14, 2008 .. Posted by motherofblessings

Thank you for your candid posts. I also have 6 children. It is so easy to worry about the wrong things as we neglect the things that really need our time and attention. Your posts were well-timed for me.