Mothers Who Know

Growing out of 'it" Part 1

I have come to a certain realization in the past year or two. Children don't 'grow out' of certain things. They grow out of clothes, they grow out of teething, nursing in the middle of the night, and other baby type things, but they dont grow out of character issues.

When we were new parents, I was appalled at the suggestions that I should somehow 'curb' my child's expressions of self. I was supposed to stop him from asserting his 'independence', curb his curiosity, and not allow the 'expression' of emotions?? What kind of horrible, mean spirited tyrant did they think I wanted to be?? That might have been the way other people had raised thier children in the past. But, me, I was a young parent. I had studied all about children and thier need to express themselves, and the need to be able to explore thier enviroment with out any fear of being labeled naughty. And we set out on the journey of parenting.

It was cute when he would get mad, and blame everyone else for things. He would fall off his bike, and blame one of us for looking at him, or calling his name too loudly. He was two and a half, how could you not laugh??!! When he didnt like a meal, or I made something I didnt think he would like, I just made an alternate meal. It was no big deal.

Along came number two. She was like a walking hurricane. Sweet and sensitive and my most spiritual, but when she was little, she was a hurricane. She went from the time she got up to the time she went to bed. On the furniture, on the counters, climbing everything she could. We put the chairs on top of the table for a while to keep her from climbing on the table.

Number three came. We thought it was funny how she would refuse to look at other people. We told people it was because she was shy. It was really because she did not like anybody else but me, but I knew those parenting police people out there wouldn't understand that, so we called her shy, and everyone was ok with that.

Number four came, and was a delight. Till I stopped nursing him at three. His baby brother was six months old, and after six months of waiting his turn, he decided he was all done nursing. Within a few months, he had turned on me. My third, Ashes, had been very attatched to me, to the point she would scream if left with Dad, so I figured if this one wanted only Dad, then so be it. I would accept it without complaint, and let Dad have his turn as the favorite parent. I even found it amusing when at two, he decided to call me 'poophead', as well as everyone else. We did work on him not saying that, so he switched to 'I hate you'. My mother said she liked poophead better.

Now, lest you have the wrong impression, we did have rules, we did teach them things. They were all regular kids. They had good moments, and bad moments. The bad moments at first, were few and far between, and so they were bearable, even funny at times to us. However, as the children increased, their faults started to seem magnified. One child having a fit here or there and blaming you, was one thing, but four was a different story. Having to hold one child in your lap becuase he wouldn't sit in time out was one thing - try to do that when they decide to all misbehave.

Our main parenting philosophy was to try to just get through the stages, and try to teach them to be good when they were in good moods. This was more easily accomplished when I only had two or three. I had lots of time for stickers, and charts, and "we are not going anywhere until ____ is accomplished".  I was sure that all these problems we were having would be grown out of.

Untitled Comment

11:49, Thursday, January 10, 2008 .. Posted by blessedmomof10

It is so hard to teach character training after the early childhood years! And even harder when they become youth and adults! If you can start them as young as possible and gently mold their characters it really does help!

Blessings~
gloria