Mothers Who Know

T.M.E.. Day One (Thu Jan 1, 2009 10:14 pm)

Today was the first day of the experiment. It was pretty easy as we were out most of the day. We had to swing by some stores to return some non needed Christmas presents on the way to a family party. We were able to return almost 100 dollars in items today, plus 20 the other day. We have some canned butter we purchased for others that we still need to give them which will bring in another 60. So in one week, we will have reduced our debt by almost 200 dollars!!

The kids still have some left over cereal they are working on - not much, as I did not by any extra or anything, they are just eating the last of the boxes - which ironically is the stuff that usually gets thrown away when the new stuff arrives!! When we got home we had sandwiches for dinner, as they spent most of the day eating at the party we went to. I must admit though - it was on bread that I purchased, as I did not get a chance to make some loaves yet myself. It is definitely on the list for tomorow or Saturday.

I sat down tonight and wrote out the list of meals we will probably eat this month. Some meals we will have four times (homemade pizza Fri nights), and others twice, but most once. I then planned out the first two and a half weeks of the month with the meals. I went through and made a list of the things that we need to buy to make them. Mostly we were short a few pieces of meat (pulled pork for example), and a few odds and ends, but I was pleasantly suprised to find out that we mostly had everything in stock. I told my husband that as long as we can afford these few things, then we can stock up on basics, sale items, and maybe even a treat or two. I think we will try to spend minimally in the beginning of the month, and then maybe have some left over, rather than spend more in the beginning, and then be short.

As I was putting together my list of dinners and lunches, my husband asked what he was supposed to eat for breakfast in the morning. Sometimes he leaves at 4:30am, and grabs a McGriddle on the way - I cant get up that early and cook for him, nor will he take the time to cook himself anything. I am thinking oatmeal in the crockpot overnight??? Anyone have any good ideas?? I was thinking maybe I would allow him and only him, to have a box of cornflakes - but in the winter, when he is heading out to work in freezing temps, cornflakes just dont seem right.....

Ready,Get Set, Go (Dec 31, 2008)

When I did this experiment, I had other people that were joining in with me. If this interests you - start off  with the overview, and then follow along with the days. I am working on posting all my journal entries for the two months. They will all be listed under the Two Month Experiment Category.

The time has come!! Tomorow morning is the day for all of you starting this experiment with me. I wish you all well with your endeavors. 

One last update - we just finished our budget review for the next two months. We eliminated temporarily the categories of homeschool, eating out, walmart/target - we have put these things as part of our food budget, as for the next two months it will just be necessary toiletries, rather than other things you buy at those stores, the 'other' category. We dropped our gas budget as gas has dropped dramatically in our area, and we cut our food budget as well. It now stands at 600 but needs to include all personal care items, as well as any birthday presents (just one), or any other must haves from any store. I am hoping we can reduce that even further since we are only buying actual food and not prepared stuff, but we usually spend double that (we are always way over budget on food). I am not going to make it a habit of devulging personal info like actual budget amounts, but I thought it might help this one time to be a little more specific. We have 7 children as well, so if you are trying to figure out a per person number you will know how many we are feeding.

We listed all our debts, in order of the smallest to the biggest, (including the overdraft that we live in -but payoff every check before we use it all again in a few days), and set up a payment amount. We are in a little more debt than I thought we were. We will pay the min's on all of them accept the smallest amount. This bill we will put an extra 150 towards (that we eliminated elsewhere in our budget), until it is payed off, then we will take that and pay off the next one. We also have 50 a month for savings as well. This is something we havent had before. By having savings, it will take a tad bit longer to get out of debt, but once we do, we will be done. I dont want to pay off debt, then have an emergency and go right back in. I also have a plan for any 'extra' money that we recieve - tax returns, bonuses, etc (I got this idea from the Cheapest family book).

60% for debt

20% for savings (I will probably do 10 savings and 10 food storage)

10% tithing (or other charitable giving)

10% to enjoy.

Since we have tax returns coming, we may put more towards debt and less towards enjoy, but I like the overall idea.

Two Month Experiment

Provident Living

Late last year, my husband and I were contemplating our finances and savings. It dawned on us that though part of our plan was to have 6 months of expenses saved, we had no idea how much that would actually be. We knew obviously how much we make, but that isn't necessarily what you 'need' to survive though a financial crisis. So we decided to take a few months and figure it out. As we contemplated this we came up with the "Two Month Experiment" idea, and also incorporated a few other things we wanted to achieve as a family as well.

I wrote a daily entry of our experiences as we were going through them. I will post excerpts from these as well as posting new things. I will also be posting my gardening efforts, and similiar items here.

I believe we need to be wise stewards wtih that which the Lord blesses us with. If we can manage these resources wisely, we can be great blessings to our husbands, our families, as well as many others.

Update

Since it has been so long since I have last posted I thought an update would be in order. Since my last post almost a year ago, we have welcomed into our home a new baby girl. I will post her birth story and some photos later on.

This new year, we have been trying to keep a budget and really stick to it. We actually started off the year with an experiment to see how much money we would actually need to run our house in case of financial crisis. To do this we did not buy anything that was not a 'necessity'. We didn't buy boxed cereal, bread, or other such items, I made them all from scratch instead. We also stayed at home to conserve gas as much as we could, and did not spend any money on going out either. I will post the lessons learned from that as well. Even though I havent been posting stuff on the blog, I have been writing about this stuff, so I will be able to post from the perspective I had while living through those two months.

Our garden is almost completely planted with a variety of produce, as well as some sunflowers. Pictures to come soon as well.

I am looking forward to starting this blog back up. I cant believe it has been almost a year!! I have so many things I can't wait to blog about.

Husbands

Every once in a while, I keep checking over at the How I love Thee blog to see if there are any updates. What I read there has made me very tender hearted tonight. Although, I cant know exactly what has gone on in her life, her words there are very thought provoking, and heart pulling. My prayers will definitely have her in them tonight along with all of her children.

A month or so ago, I started an entry for my Marriage section about my Husband. I thought it was too wishy washy to post then, so I kept it as a draft and never posted it. I am still not going to post it, but I am going to paraphrase a little of it here, along with my gratitude to my Heavenly Father for a blessing, that is truly wonderful.

I have been married to my husband for almost 16 years. We have known each other for almost 17. We have been each other's best friends the whole time. I did not start out as a very 'good' wife, and even now, I am far from perfect. However, I started out with a "You are going to help me out, and it is your duty to come home after a long days work and take over for me, and I am not going to wait on you like my mother did for my father' attitude. Fortuneately, though that was my attitude, before I was married, real life softened it. I was deeply in love, and I wanted to do some things that made him happy. I was still nervous about doing too much, but I tried. My problem quickly became lack of skills, instead of attitude. I didnt know how to do anything. But I tried.

My son was born, I made my husband change his diaper the first few days, as I was too scared. I made him give him his baths for a month or more, because I was afraid I would drop him when he was all wet and slippery. When my husband went back to work after he was born, I sat on the floor and cried for a while, before I was able to pull myself together to face the day. What does this have to do with marriage??

Everything. During all these years, when I wasn't yet trying to be a 'good wife' , my husband was a good husband. He was kind, he was understanding. He encouraged me. He wasnt perfect and would get frustrated sometimes, but he was always there for me. When we argued, if it was his fault, and even sometimes when it was mine, he would apologize. I didnt have to wait to become a perfect wife, to have him treat me with dignity and respect. As a matter of fact, when I started to study about being a better wife, and implement those things, are marriage did not take a huge u-turn. It just went a little smoother. I learned not to exacerbate a rough day. I learned more about how men like to be spoken too, and how they think about things, why they give you the advice they sometimes do. In short, my becoming a more submissive wife, did not change our marriage, it just improved it.

We have always been each others confidantes. We have always turned to each other for comfort and guidance. We have had many bumps in the road, but we have made it through them all so far. I am so grateful for such a wonderful husband. I have always been treated as I would want my daughters to be when they are married. I did not feel like I had to "earn" love, or respect. They have always been given me. My heart goes out to those women struggling with husbands who don't treat them the way that they are supposed to be treated. We spend a lot of time talking about how we as wives should be, as we can only control ourselves, that I think sometimes people forget that the husbands are under obligation to be a certain way too. We with our actions, can inspire them to grow closer to the Lord, which will then in turn inspire them to be better husbands. We with our actions, can also make things much worse, and turn them away from us and the Lord, with our attitudes. But, as long as we are trying our hardest, our efforts should be met with gratitude, and love. If you have lost these things, then you should try your hardest, to regain them, if you never had them, then pray with all your heart, for  a way to be opened to gain them.

BUT, if you are being abused, then you need help. No matter what you do, you do not deserve to be hit, or otherwise abused. Men are treat women as they are the Church, even to the laying down of thier lives. Nowhere does the Lord condone violence toward women. If your husband has a lack of self control leading to his abusing you, do not blame yourself for his shortcomings. You need to stand up for yourself, and keep yourself, and your children safe. When all of us on these blogs, talk about honoring, and supporting our husbands and being submissive, and doing all we can - we talk about the regular safe marriage, and improving it. We are NOT talking about abusive situations. There are wives that do change men from being abusive to not, but  if you are in physical danger, you need to be safe first, and then you can work on changing his heart if that is your desire, from a safe distance.

I meant to have just a blog post, talking about how grateful I am for such a wonderful husband, but my mind is wieghed down by the post I read tonight, and I know that many women out there struggle with these things as well. Please if you are looking for ways to improve your marriage, keep reading these blogs, there is a ton of good advice. But, if you are looking for ways to become 'perfect' so your husband will stop abusing you, stop reading, and go get some real help.

Lesson learned from Hiking

Today we went hiking. It was a beautiful day, with blue skies, cool temperatures, and low humidity. It was one of the top ten days you get every year. The mountain we hike is pretty small - as a matter of fact, its not even technically a mountain, it is called Blue Hill. There are many trails you can hike, but our favorite is about a half mile to an observation tower, then a little ways further to a ski slope that the kids run down. It takes about two hours from the time we get there, till we leave.

We usually carry the baby, and everyone else walks. So the three year old was walking, and kept slipping in her sandals, so we let her go barefoot. There are a lot of rocks, and after a while two others chose to go barefoot as well, as it made for easier climbing. A few times, she remarked, this way is too hard. I would look down and find her looking up in a certain direction. I would then point out that if she went a tiny bit to the side, she would have a much easier time. How much like our journey is that? Many times, I think we look ahead from where we are, and are paralyzed with fear, (or at least worried) about how impossible life seems. Then, our loving Father in Heaven, slowly draws our attention to a nearby path, that we didnt even see before, that is much easier, or at least climbable. Unfortuneately, many of us, instead of taking the correction, continue to try to push on for a while before asking for help. I pray that I may have the faith of my daughter, to ask for help when I first realize I need it, and to stop always trying to 'do it myself'.

The second lesson I learned today, was on the way down the ski slope. It takes us an hour to hike up around the mountain to the top - but the way down is just straight. It takes about 15 minutes to get down. At the top, and a few points down, it looks like the earth just drops away, as it so steep. My daughter, upon seeing this, says, "Thats way too dangerous, I cant do that".  I explained how, just because it looks impossible, or too dangerous from here, doesn't mean it is. I explained how it is steep and we need to be careful, but if we just worry about where we are, and a little bit further, it wont seem so bad when we get to the scary part. We focused on how it wasnt so bad from where we were to where Daddy was, and from there to where Ashes was. By the time we got there, we could see the next part of the path, and it no longer looked like the earth was going to drop away from us. As I was teaching her this, I was again struck by how many times, we declare things impossible, only because from our vantage point, they seem to be. That if we will just focus on the next few steps, the journey will eventually appear to our eyes, and won't be as fearsome as it seems. That we need to have faith, like our daughter did, that our Father, wont take us on a journey that is beyond us. We need to trust him, and have faith. Sometimes, the road is so treacherous looking, that we might only be able to take one step at a time, using all our energy, and sometimes we will be able to run and look far ahead, but it is all known to our Father, and it is all for our own good.

Hubby comes home!!

Today we are awaiting Daddy's return from a business trip. He left on Monday, and will return in a few hours. I had planned a couple of projects around the house while he was gone - but due to being sick, I wasn't able to get them done.

I don't know about any of you, but I usually feel one of two ways when my husband goes away. I am either completely dreading the week, and just hate to see him go. OR, I am determined to fix all that is wrong with me and the house, so that when he gets back, he will walk into the kind of house he deserves. Does anyone else try to do this when their husband travels, or is it just me??

This week, I was finally going to get everyone on a schedule that they actually try to follow, get all the bedrooms clean, the laundry put away, have next week all planned out (it's dh's vacation), and have a big stack of schoolwork for the kids to show off. I was going to master not yelling, not losing my patience, and getting up early every day. The kids were all going to be less rambunctious, more eager to help, and happily doing thier chores.

Obviously, this didn't happen. Nor would it have. Permanent change does not happen over night, or even in a week. You can get off to a good start in that amount of time, but then it takes consistent hardwork and effort to maintain. We don't need to have a special week, that we plan to get 'everything' in order. We don't need to pick a date on the calendar, or even start 'tomorow'. All we need to do is go forward from where we are. I have been waiting for the past month for this week to come. Now it has come and gone, and with me being sick, we didnt get anywhere.

I could have started a month ago, just making small corrections. Taking a deep breath before I responded, and gradually reduced the amount I yell. I could have gradually increased the time I wake up everymorning by fifteen minutes every week, and by now, I would have been at an hour earlier. I point these things out, as I always seem to fall into the trap of planning a date, where 'everything will change', as if I can force myself to become perfect overnight.

I read a poem the other day called "Do the Next thing". It made me realize, that life isnt about planning a day of change, it is about always just doing the next thing. We can continue to follow the same course, by doing the next thing the same as always, or we can start to change with the very next thing instead. I challenge everyone who reads this blog, to pick something they have been wanting to change, and to pick a small step of that change, as the "next thing" they do.

First Week of School

This was our first week of school for the year. I was so excited to get started. To start all the new books, open all the new school supplies, try out all the new ideas!! Get everyone back on a schedule!! Monday went pretty well. First days back are always a little bit funny. Everyone is excited to see all the new stuff, but they are also having a tough time getting back into the 'routine' - the whole "the best of times, the worst of times"  kind of deal. However, we got through the day, and I was looking forward to Tuesday. I knew I would be tired. (After I got most of the kids to bed that night, a friend stopped by so I could teach her how to make a blueberry pie - homemade crust and handpicked blueberries).

However, I woke up the next day, not tired, but SICK!! I couldn't believe it, the second day of school and we already had to take a sick day. The older kids held down the fort with (I am ashamed to admit) the assistance of DVD's and Tv shows. They normally are not allowed to watch it at all, but I could hardly get out of bed. By around 3:30 I was feeling a tiny bit better, but was completely exhausted, and knew I wasn't going to be able to dinner either. Fortuneately, we live close by family, so I had the kids call and have my mom come over with dinner. She fed them all, got a couple of them bathed, and helped put them to bed - though I was able to say prayers with them and kiss them all good night.

Wednesday morning I felt better, but still tired, so I came downstairs while they had breakfast with my mom (she spent the night, and went and got them doughnuts). After she left to go home and get ready for work, I had them go outside for a while for some fresh air, while I sat on the swing. Slowly through the day, I had them do some chores, we read our scriptures, and we even read some of our book, "Journey to the Center of the Earth". My mother came back with dinner again, and a few groceries.

 I thought I would be completely better by this morning, but I am still a little tired - I think maybe I tried to jump back into things too much, a little too early. So the kids are playing right now, while I try to get started for the day. Then we will get the chores done, do our morning devotional, and have lunch. After that, hopefully, we will get to some schoolwork.

If we don't though, I think the kids still learned some valuable lessons. They helped watch all the kids while mom was sick, taking care of themselves and the littles. They helped me out as well, bringing me drinks and checking on me. They saw my mom come and spend the night to help out, which I was grateful for. So even if we dont get to book work -  learning caring and compassion are never wasted lessons!!!

Trip to Pennsylvania

It is my husbands vacation and we were trying to figure out what we were going to do that week. We had decided to forego a regular vacation this year, so that we could spend the money on some projects that needed to get done instead. Next year, we are planning a two week trip anyway, so we figured we could do without this year.

Sunday afternoon comes, and all of a sudden, I asked my husband what he thought about taking a trip to Pennsylvania. He was suprised to be asked this out of the clear blue, but said we could think about it. So over the next two days we went back and forth about the idea. Finally late Tuesday night, we decided to go for it!! The plan was to leave Thursday morning for Pennsylvania. That gave us the next day to pack and get ready to take seven children on a camping trip. On top of that, that Wed was full of things to do. We had carpet being put in in the morning. The Senior Missionaries were coming over to teach us how to make Clam chowder at lunch time- which came out absolutely wonderful. The dog had a vet appt. in the late afternoon, and we went out to dinner with my parents that night! I was wondering if we were insane to even attempt to do this - but we got it all done. We were up a little late the night before, and got started a little later in the morning than we had planned, but we did it!!!!

Thursday morning we pulled out, and headed to New York City. We saw the Statue of Liberty which was really cool. We didnt have time to get off at Ellis Island, but we got to see it from the boat. Unfortuneately, the camera we had was broken and so we didnt really get any still pictures of it - just video. We then drove by the Empire State Building, and Ground Zero, and stopped for McDonalds in downtown Manhattan. We would have liked to have stopped at a few more places, but it was getting late and we still needed to drive to Pennsylvania, and set up camp.

We got to the campsite around 6pm or so, and got everything all set up.The kids played at the play ground while we set up camp. We had hot dogs and hamburgers for dinner. Then we sat around the campfire and roasted marshmallows.

The next morning, Friday, Sean made pancakes on the new Coleman stove, while I made lunches for Gettysburg. We just had sandwiches, cookies, yogurts, drinks, and chips, nothing special, but it was great to not have to stop and buy fast food, wasting both time and money. We got to Gettysburg National Park, had lunch, and then took the tour. It was amazing reading the stories, and watching the videos. A couple of the kids started off a little rough, but as the day went on, everyone had a great time. We drove around Gettysburg and saw the monuments, and climbed a 122 step tower to see a magnificient view. The kids got to go rock climbing, and climb a castle. The rain that was threatening all day, held off till we were on our way back to camp. We had stopped at DQ to get some ice cream, and right as were bringing it to the car, it opened up and poured buckets!!!

When we got back to camp, I made chicken rice, and started working on the dessert, while Sean cooked the BBQ chicken on the grill. (We had marinated it and stored it in a container - so all we had to do was cook it - we had done the same thing with the hamburgers the night before as well). After dinner, while the kids went swimming, I made Apple Crisp in the Dutch Oven - it came out really good - even though it was my first time ever cooking in it. I could hear dh talking to the kids about thier favorite part of the day around the fire while I nursed Princess Chaluba to sleep.

The next day, we saw Chocolate World, and took an Amish buggy ride. It was so much fun!!! We stopped at a house on the way and they had a little store that we could go into, and I bought a bonnet for the three year old, and a cookbook. Sean kept teasing me, that he could picture me out with a little stand, all dressed up, and selling homemade goodies, and jams. (I had spent Monday and Tuesday before we left, picking strawberrys and making jam.) We went to a family style dinner that night, which was really good. They had this item called ham loaf. It was shaped like a meat loaf (which I really dislike), but it was really good. It had kind of a sweet taste to it. I found it in my Amish Cookbook and will try it out at some point.

The next day we woke up early, broke up camp, had breakfast, and left for home. It was Sunday, so we stopped for Church in a town called Nazareth, and attended the ward there. The people were very nice and welcoming. We stayed the whole time, enjoyed the lessons and the Spirit, and then headed off for home. We arrived home later on that evening.

Overall, it was an awesome trip. We all had a lot of fun. It was nice to be off on our own as a family, just spending time with each other, away from all the distractions of life. It was so much fun camping, being outside, and enjoying nature. It was one of those times that really stand out, and remind you, why you do all that you do. It is moments like this that you think of when you are dreaming of raising a large family. It was definitely a successful vacation!!!!

I am back!

I cant believe how fast time goes by. It has been a busy summer. I need to blog about our impromptu trip to Pennsylvania in June. My oldest son went to scout camp and was tapped out for the Order of the Arrow, the next oldest son was baptized last week, and we threw a suprise baby shower for a friend!

I have read a bunch of really good books lately as well. I have started reading Jane Austens books, as well as two on being a good wife. My husband works so hard for us all the time, doing the best he can, I am just trying to be the best I can as well. I love all the tips and advice in the books. I am so far from being the perfect wife - but I try to honor, respect, love and care for him as much as I can. I will post later my thoughts and reviews about the books.

We have also had a interesting experience in sustaining Church leaders, and honoring friendships in the midst of disagreeing with them. I will post later on that as well. I will mention though, how necessary it is sometimes to leave your emotions out of things, and pray for reasoning, understanding, and Christlike love for people, when you are facing challenges.

Lastly, I got these really cool vinyl stickers for my walls - I will try to put up pictures of them later, but they say "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord", which hangs above the dining room entry, and "Return with Honor" on the way out of the back door - that all may be reminded to act appropriately when the leave the house.

Hope you have all had a great summer too.

Brenda

I am still here!!

Wow! Has is really been three weeks since I last posted!? Time just goes by so fast sometimes.

Last week, was my husband was on vacation for the week. We ended up splurging a little, as I dont think we are going on a real vacation this year, and our ski trip got rained out. So we did roller skating, Chuck E Cheese's, pizza a few times, and rented some movies.

We also managed to get some painting done. We painted the stairway area, and the upstairs hallway. Then we finally hung all the kids newborn pictures going up the stairs. We bought eight frames, (in case we ever need another matching one), so we put a picture of all the kids together in the last one at the top of the stairs.

It was so nice to spend the week as a family. Vacations always make me yearn for when your whole family lived and worked together all the time. You had breakfast, lunch, and dinner all as a family. The young men would go work with their dad, and learn how to be a man by his side. The young women would help learn to run the home, and the younger ones had plenty of worthwhile activities to keep them busy. Life wasn't so frantic, so split. It was whole.

Please Pray for Carrie

I just wanted to post a Thank you to Carrie from the How I love thee blog. I have enjoyed her blog immensely. I have learned so much about being a mom, a homeschooler, and a wife from her blog. Some I learned from her directly, other things from her links, and still more from the comments on her pages.

She has been having a rough time in her family lately, and posted that she will be closing her blog. I pray that the Lord will see her through this trial. It is always so sad to see someone who tries so hard to do what she should, be tried even further by fire. It is especially sad, when that trial comes at the hands of someone that is supposed to be thier support, thier protector, and thier best friend.

I encourage all to pray for Carrie and her family. May the Lord continue to watch over her and strengthen her, and that she will feel the comfort that she needs. May she find inspiration in the scriptures, and consolation through her prayers. Carrie, I will miss your words of wisdom, you are truly A Mother Who Knows.

Brenda

New Blog Look

I want to change the template of this blog, I can no longer stand the brown!! I went to new template and it said that changing the template will delete any changes I have made to the template I already have. Does that mean it will delete all my entries? of just the changes to the actual template - like the little banner I have in the corner? Could someone let me know. I really want to change the look, but I dont want to lose all these entries.

Thanks

Growing out of 'it' Part Three

So, what is the point of these three posts? I am hoping to share what I have learned with others just starting out, and I am hoping to learn from those a little further ahead on the road. It took me six children and almost thirteen years to figure out that children don't grow out of character flaws. They are taught out of them - they dont grow out of them. I spent most of the time, when my children were little, managing them, when I should have been training them. I managed, contained, refereed, baby proofed, distracted, nagged, and scolded, when I should have been training.

Issues relating to immaturity are resolved in time. Not being able to sit still for very long, waking up in the middle of the night, potty training accidents, stuff like that is grown out of. Temper tantrums, though grown out of on a physical level, are not grown out of on an emotional level. Blaming everyone else for your problems is not grown out of. Character issues are not grown out of. If you have a child that struggles with lying, if it is not addressed and addressed successfully, the child will continue to have a problem with lying. The same thing with anger, and respect for others.

A lot of time, these things can be taught, as they get older, and corrected. But, oh how much extra energy it takes to change a heart when they are older, than to just train it when it is younger. Training methods vary from person to person, and family to family, but it must be there. There must be a standard that is set, and consistent reinforcement of that standard. There must also be practice, and time to try out skills. If you have a child that has a character issue, you need to spend the time NOW training him - the younger, the better. As for those other things, that they do grow out of - the things that parenting magazines are full of - dont worry about them. Children will eventually crawl, walk, talk, make friends, potty train, sleep through the night, regardless of our parenting skills and worries. Chidren, however, will not become moral, faithful, hardworking, and trustworthy adults without good parenting skills.

They don't grow out of 'it'. They grow into 'it' more strongly the longer they are allowed to be that way.

Disclaimer: I am writing with the assumption that all people reading already know that children, especially babies, need to be loved. They need affection, safety, security, a strong bond with thier mothers and fathers, and lots of time being held, snuggled, and otherwise loved. The training mentioned is in addition to those things, and done in a loving caring manner consistent with that of Mother Who Knows.

Growing out of "it" Part Two

So, here we are with now five children, starting to feel a little overwhelmed at times. It started to get more tiring. We spent a year betweeen building a house, and moving into the new one, with a stop at my parents house for four months in between. By the time we moved I was so exhausted, at that point, I was hoping we were done having children.

Once we got settled, things improved to the point that I again was hoping that we would have more children. A few months later, I got pregnant. With the pregnancy, and the tiredness that came with it, came again, that exhausted feeling. Our computer crashed, my best friends and supports moved out of state, and so by the time I had the baby, and the kids starting misbehaving during homeschooling again, I decided to let them try school.  They attended for a year and a half.  Nobody's behavior got better, I just didnt have to deal with it all day long. In some instances, it got worse. I noticed that they were not getting along with each other as well as they had prior to school. My oldest daughter, was being made to feel bad at school, because she liked being with her family.

They all came back home, and at first, it was so great. I couldn't believe I had let them go to school!! I so loved having them all home. I was able to recapture my vision of why I wanted a large homeschooling family. I loved my children more than ever. As the days wore on, and the newness of being together wore off though, the behavior challenges came back.

The three year old that had blamed everyone, was now a twelve year old, that blamed everyone - not so cute. The little girl that had been like a hurricane, had mellowed out around age 8, but still wouldn't cooperate unless she wanted too. The little girl who as a baby wouldn't acknowledge people talking to her, was a seven year old with no respect for anyone's authority. (Which believe it or not, I still convinced myself was good, as when she did behave, she was really choosing to behave, she wasn't behaving out of fear) My little boy was still calling me names, and was very defiant towards me.

I want to point out again, however, that they were not always like this. They had very good days. We were complimented every time we went somewhere, especially when we went out to eat. The children amazed us with what they were capable of when they tried. They would set the table up and make it all fancy and make lunch. My oldest could cook pretty well, and behaved excellent for everyone else - I was always hearing compliments about him. My oldest, Cata, was an absolute miracle worker with the babies - they would go to her like a second mother. Ashes was my artist, and very creative. They weren't 'bad' kids, they just had struggles here and there - mostly at home with me. That is why it took so long for me to finally realize that my "grow out of it" strategy wasn't working.

Growing out of 'it" Part 1

I have come to a certain realization in the past year or two. Children don't 'grow out' of certain things. They grow out of clothes, they grow out of teething, nursing in the middle of the night, and other baby type things, but they dont grow out of character issues.

When we were new parents, I was appalled at the suggestions that I should somehow 'curb' my child's expressions of self. I was supposed to stop him from asserting his 'independence', curb his curiosity, and not allow the 'expression' of emotions?? What kind of horrible, mean spirited tyrant did they think I wanted to be?? That might have been the way other people had raised thier children in the past. But, me, I was a young parent. I had studied all about children and thier need to express themselves, and the need to be able to explore thier enviroment with out any fear of being labeled naughty. And we set out on the journey of parenting.

It was cute when he would get mad, and blame everyone else for things. He would fall off his bike, and blame one of us for looking at him, or calling his name too loudly. He was two and a half, how could you not laugh??!! When he didnt like a meal, or I made something I didnt think he would like, I just made an alternate meal. It was no big deal.

Along came number two. She was like a walking hurricane. Sweet and sensitive and my most spiritual, but when she was little, she was a hurricane. She went from the time she got up to the time she went to bed. On the furniture, on the counters, climbing everything she could. We put the chairs on top of the table for a while to keep her from climbing on the table.

Number three came. We thought it was funny how she would refuse to look at other people. We told people it was because she was shy. It was really because she did not like anybody else but me, but I knew those parenting police people out there wouldn't understand that, so we called her shy, and everyone was ok with that.

Number four came, and was a delight. Till I stopped nursing him at three. His baby brother was six months old, and after six months of waiting his turn, he decided he was all done nursing. Within a few months, he had turned on me. My third, Ashes, had been very attatched to me, to the point she would scream if left with Dad, so I figured if this one wanted only Dad, then so be it. I would accept it without complaint, and let Dad have his turn as the favorite parent. I even found it amusing when at two, he decided to call me 'poophead', as well as everyone else. We did work on him not saying that, so he switched to 'I hate you'. My mother said she liked poophead better.

Now, lest you have the wrong impression, we did have rules, we did teach them things. They were all regular kids. They had good moments, and bad moments. The bad moments at first, were few and far between, and so they were bearable, even funny at times to us. However, as the children increased, their faults started to seem magnified. One child having a fit here or there and blaming you, was one thing, but four was a different story. Having to hold one child in your lap becuase he wouldn't sit in time out was one thing - try to do that when they decide to all misbehave.

Our main parenting philosophy was to try to just get through the stages, and try to teach them to be good when they were in good moods. This was more easily accomplished when I only had two or three. I had lots of time for stickers, and charts, and "we are not going anywhere until ____ is accomplished".  I was sure that all these problems we were having would be grown out of.

End of the Year

As I sit here and type, I am amazed that another year is about to come to a close. Remember when it seemed to take forever for seasons to change, and years to go by?? The brand new baby girl I started off last year with, - is already walking. My oldest son, who I couldn't wait to walk and talk, and grow up, has now not only grown up - but grown past me!! He is fourteen, and quite a few inches taller than me.

Every year that ends seems to cause a review of the past year. Did we live up to any of our resolutions we made last year?? Did we accomplish any of our grand plans?? Is our family where we thought it would be at this time last year? Are we finally the kind of mother and wife we wanted to be?? Is our home finally clean at all times, dinner on the table every night, and all our other commitments taken care of??

In other words, are we perfect yet?? Every year I seem to make a list of all my deficiencies and resolve to not have them next year. I am going to finally do everything right next year. The problem is - this is an impossible goal. We cannot all of a sudden just will all our shortcomings away. It takes hard work, consistent practice, and LOTS of prayer before we can turn a weakness into a strength. It takes a plan, commitment, patience, and did I mention humility and prayer??

So this year, I am not going to make any specific resolutions except that I am going to try my best. That is my goal this year. To do my best. And that is all any of us can really do. 

It's Snowing!!

We had about seven inches fall today. It looks so beautiful outside. Everything all covered in white - looks so clean and heavenly. This world is a truly beautiful place. We are so blessed to live in an area where we get to experience all four seasons.

The kids all bundled up this afternoon after learning a lesson on procrastination. I had told them all morning that it was going to snow, and before they could go out they had to finish thier chores, and at least get their math done. It was a little later in the day, as we had been out late looking at Christmas lights the night before so everyone slept a little later, and we had run some errands in the morning. However, they just kind of kept wandering about, not really putting forth much effort. Thier reasoning was: It hadn't started to even snow yet, and when it did, it would take a few hours to even have enough to enjoy - so they were waiting. All of a sudden, as if on cue when they said that - it starts snowing, and within a few minutes the ground starts getting covered. The kids pick it up a notch. Within a half hour, there is an inch. The kids start running around.

All of a sudden, there is an organized effort. One is in the kitchen cooking the frozen pizza we had bought that morning, while the other one is tutoring the littles in thier math. Then, after lunch, some are cleaning up while others are gathering mittens, boots, and coats for the younger ones. Within an hour, the downstairs has been tidied, lunch has been made, eaten, and cleaned up, and math has been done. A few more minutes and all except the baby are outside playing in the snow. It is always amazing what they can pull off with the proper motivation!!!!

Princess Chaluba