As I sit here and think and wonder I cannot help but to feel somewhat sorry for her. The way she carries herself is with hurt and sadness, there is not any emotion shown on any occassion and yet she wants people to feel sorry for her. I know that things have not always been roses and sunshine for her in this life, but at some point you have to let go and let God. You yourself are not big enough or strong enough to deal with all that life throws you.

Does she know that she is a beautiful person who has lots of talent?? Does she not know that things could be so much better for her if things were different or her reactions to certain people and situations?? We cannot give other people the power to tick us off because then we lose total control and that person who irritates us has the control. I know that as humans we sometimes get caught up in these situations and it is hard to get past.

I feel sorry for her because I know that her life has not always been easy, but part of that I feel like she brought on herself. Part of me wants to shake her and say hello wake up please please please, another part of me would like to smack her a couple of times to see if she has any sense.. How can you want to get rid of one part of your life so badly that you turn against everyone and everything and set yourself up for failure??

I know that everyone has issuses and you know it is like when someone is sexually, mentally or physically abused. Sometimes to get away from the memories and heart ache with it you turn from everyone and thing that you think might remind you of that abuse, but in all reality I feel like you have to face it and deal with it head on to get past it in a good way. I know that when something bad like that happens it is so hard to get past and that reminders pop up at the most crazy times in life, but we have to deal with it.

I know that there are people pleasers running around in this world and will do anything to make sure someone is not mad or upset with them. I am one of those people, but slowly, but surely I am learning that it is ok for someone else to be mad sometimes. I learned from a very young age how to be a people pleaser due to a family member who liked to do not cool things with me. I knew from a very early age that you did exactly what was asked of you and you kept quiet to keep everyone happy. I learned in my first marriage that you are a possesion also that you are used and abused and don't say anything about it because the abuser always comes out smelling like a rose until that day when the abuser screws up..

I know what it is like to feel lonely, unsafe and confused and it is terribly hard to handle and deal with, but you cannot continue to wander around in your own little world hoping that it will all be ok.. You have to be truthful and honest with everyone especially yourself. It is ok to admit your downfalls as long as they are your downfalls you don't blame them on someone else. When you become a parent God gives us His children to raise for Him, we must love them, feed them, clothe them, give them stability and let them know that they are safe. We cannot be mean people and expect our children to grow up loving and respecting us.

Dear Lord I ask that you be with all of those out there who have been through something bad. I ask that You give them peace and help them to deal with the situations in the right way and to place those people whom You wish to help them in their lives. PLease God take their loneliness and hurt away.. In Jesus Name I pray and ask these things.. Amen..

I know that not all of that might make sense to you just something running through my head that I wanted to share with you..