So he shepherded them according to the integrity of his heart,
         And guided them with his skillful hands. PS 78:72

As I was reading my Bible this morning looking for an answer to a question the passage above leaped out at me.  This is how I want to shepherded my children. This isn't an answer to my question, but it is a statement of faith.  I pray for the integrity of my heart.

Have you ever really wanted God to answer a question in black and white?   Not in suddle ways but in a way you can't misinterpret it?  Like sky writing in lightening, Yes, or No keep looking!  Or when you turn your computer on instead of your home page, you get His home page where it has This is what you are to do followed by step by step instructions.  Last night I fantasised about all the different ways He could answer my prayer/question where we would know for sure which way we were to go.  That was the two ways I liked best.  So for no lightening, and I haven't found His homepage on the computer..... YET!  

What am I loosing sleep over?   ADOPTION of course!   We are planning on going to an adoption event in NM on the 19 of April.   We (me) are also talking to a case worker in AR about a young lady that has lots of pluses for us.   If the young lady in AR is the right child, then I would rather skip the NM even. But if she isn't, then I don't want to miss the chance at meeting the kids in NM.  DH and I talked last night.  He firmly believes God will shut the door if she isn't the right child.  He has twice before.  That we need to proceed, but stay open to what ever God wants.  

His biggest fear/worry is how much of an impact will we have on her life in 2 years?   We have had the littles 3 years and are still wading through lots of issues from their past.  My mommy heart says if we don't try who will?   Over all she sounds like a good kid, that has made a couple of bad choices that cause me concern.   I know I serve a God that can heal.  I know I serve a God that has a plan.  He just doesn't share it with me in ways I get 100%.   How many of us at 16 made some choices we wish we hadn't?  Without strong parents to set those boundaries and enforce them drifted away from what we knew was right?   Yet, how many managed to turn their life around and become productive, Godly adults?  Especially if some one comes into their life that cares.

Remember my story of God telling me He was going to give me a dog to replace Hank?   I said He had told me something else that I wasn't ready to share.   As this adoption stuff moves fwd I guess it is time to share. 

A couple of weeks ago as I was driving I was praying, nothing new there.  All of a sudden I just knew that this adoption wouldn't be "normal" it would come from a direction I didn't expect.  It wouldn't be what I expected.  Why can't He explain better?  Why does He leave so much for us to wait and to wonder on?   I have pondered this for 2 weeks are so.  The call from AR  and NM invitation both came shortly after I was given this impression.   I also have to admit I wondered if some how we were going to get a baby.  NOT what we want, but if God gave, we would take with joy.   I am still trying hard to just wait and see how all of this unfolds.  I do trust God to do it right.  I just wish he would do it FASTER!   In my heart I know His timing is perfect, but I struggle with waiting.  I AM getting better! 

Someone ask how big my garden is?  It is in a green house frame.  30x54 I think.  I have 14 raised beds with water to each bed.  My DH had fun designing it and building it.  It was covered with a cheap bird netting last year.  It worked, but by fall the netting had holes.  So he found some much better netting that we need to put up Sat.  Anyone want to come and string bird netting?  It should be interesting.  I will try and get pictures soon. 

I have herbs going nuts in the garden.  The one I herb that is coming up the most is Fennel.  I have bronze Fennel, it is a beautiful plant.  I will share with anyone that wants some of it.  I have some others I think will come up from seed like Basil, but it hasn't started yet.  I have one raised bed that is my herb bed.  It seems to be going nuts.  

Hope everyone has a great day!