Usually I have several things I want to share. Between kids and life and typing I forget half of them. Sometimes most of them :)   So today as I sat down here to type/think I make a list of the things I want to share.  We will see how that goes.

Yesterday I spent the day making cheese.  I hope it turns out well.  I have a big stew pot and a BIG stew pot.  I used the big one since it sits in my free standing roaster.  I used it for the bottom of the double boiler.  They  recommend using a sink to slowly bring temps up and down.  I hate wasting that much water.  The roast works well.  I can't wait to see how this batch turned out.  It is cheddar.  I do know that the kids liked it in the pre-mold stage.  It squeaks when you chew it.  They like my "squeaky cheese."   I would have had more to mold but the started begging bites when I would go to stir it.  Which was fine since I almost didn't have enough room in my cheese press for what I had.  I used about 4 gallons of milk.  I have 2 cheese presses, one for 2 gallons and one for 5.  I crammed it all in the 2 gallon one.  I don't think there was enough there for the bigger press to press well.  Bigger hoop, not press.    This is suppose to age at least 3 months.  I wonder if I can wait that long :)   With several cows milking I may have to get busy and learn to make cheese several times a week.  I may also have to break down and use the bigger stew pot and the sink. 

My heifer is bagging right along.  Last night I got her in the stanchion and put the Kow-Kan't-Kick on her and pulled on her teats and felt her udder.  She didn't seem to offer to kick.  I hope it stays like that.  She really has a lot of udder you can feel that isn't full yet.  I am hoping she turns into a great milk cow.  I really need an other milk cow or three... NOT!  :)   Baby the old 3 teated cow is huge.  She is due in about 10days -2 weeks.  So for no bagging yet.  Being older I am betting she will fill up the night before.    Then there is Mocha.  She is growing a little I guess. She seems really small still beside her mama.  This morning she was mad at me.  I went in the baby pen where she was and didn't let her out.  How dare I?!   She followed me around the pen as I checked feeders bumping me with her head on my bottom.  I stopped and loved on her.  I also laughed as she was waiting for me to let her out all the lambs and goats where under foot.  Many of them nurse on a milk goat.  What is the difference in size of one small calf and a milk goat?  Not much :)  They kept nursing and trying to get milk out of her.  She didn't seem to even notice.  I am hopeful that with this attitude she will make a great nurse cow for what ever I decide to nurse on her. 

Last night I put beans on to cook using some of the huge amount of whey I had left from cheese making.  I over filled the crock pot with beans.  Not only did they not get done, the pot was almost bubbling over with beans.  I finally gave in a little while ago as the beans on the bottom are done, and top are crunchy.  I did add a lot of spices in the beans I took out, onions, garlic, chili powder.  Made the whole house smell yummy.  They aren't real done yet but they are being eaten.  I hope to cook them more and have them for supper.  And then do re-fried beans for lunch/supper tomorrow.  Maybe adding some hamburger if I need to remake them. 

I don't talk a lot about my struggles as an adoptive parent.  Some times I just don't have words to describe it.  We have been going through a tough struggle with MN again.  She is 10.  She had some serious abuse at a young age.  It really effected her ability to love and be loved.    Instead of her world revolving around love like "normal" kids hers revolves around "power" (her word for it.)  My word for it is control  Because the adults in her life until we got her at age 8 didn't keep her safe she had to learn to survive.  She did this by controlling.  She also lived by the rule hurt them first before they could hurt her, either physically or emotionally.  Her hurts are always emotional never physically hurting others at this point.  There was a time when she was very physically abusive to her little sister. We over came that.   Most of her hurting is directed at me, mom.    I equate this to a dripping torture inflected on me.  Just like water can wear through stone, her "abuse" is wearing on me, emotionally, physically and spiritually.    She is two little girls in one body. One is fun and happy and interesting to talk to.  I love this little girl!  She is is compassionate and caring.  Then there is this other little girl.  She is mean and hateful and spiteful.  She is sneaky and lying and totally unlovable.  I know that sounds harsh.  Have you ever been with someone who you knew if you took your eyes off would do something mean or hateful or spiteful?  Think of this 24/7.    Most of the summer, most of the fall I have enjoyed the "happy" MN.  I need to add that the outside world doesn't see the angry child.  She puts a face on for the world, most of the time.  It does slip at times.  Remember when a few months ago, right after I started this blog the kids had to go give a statement about past abuse?  That is when things started slipping.  The angry little girl became more and more of an issue.  For the past month it has been a huge.  She has lost so many privileges, really all privileges.  For what ever reason, I am going to say Prayer, yesterday she had a change of heart.  She switched like a light being turned on into my joyful child again.    She was in a good mood last night.  Today she is working on catching up on school work she refused to do the last month.  She has a joyful spirit.  She is accepting of the consequences she has had.  She even told me "Today it's hard to even frown."   "I'm so happy today!"  .....Here is one I really liked, "Why is my school work so easy today?"  She is making good grades on all of them too.   I ask all of you that read to pray this continues.  That for what ever reason she was angry she had dealt with it and is now in a place to grow and love.  Her therapist feels it has to do with having to re-tell/re-live some really bad abuse with people she didn't feel like cared or believed or listened.  That it retraumatized her all over.  

While MN seems to be untangling the knots in her life, MJ has his kniffty knitter tied in knots.  He had a tangle last week.  The whole center of his skein of yarn pulled out.  I offered to help him untangle it.  He refused and kept pulling it tighter and the stuffing it all back in the sack and ... well think a full skein of yarn now in a knot.   He has avoided working on his knitting because of it.  I told him today he has to set and untangle it.  He started out then got mad and did some jerking and pulling and even MORE tangling.  I tried to show him how to do it gently and the knots would come out.  He didn't ant my help.  So he is spending his day untangling his mess.  I then had an inspiration!  I pointed out how our life is much like that yarn.  That we get knots and if when we first notice the knot if we take the time to work it out, even though it is hard it soon is untangled.  While if we stuff our "Knots" back and keep pulling at life but not dealing with the knots our life becomes more tangled.  MN got it!  She understood exactly what I was saying.  MJ missed it.  He ask me what I meant.  So I had MN explain it.  She did a good job.  I ask her to write it in a story for me.  I told her if she did a good job I would put it on my blog. 

Believe it are not I think I have written about everything I wanted to but one.  I would like to ask for rain for our area.  God really blessed us this summer with cool temps.  and wonderful rains.  About Oct. the rain stopped.   We had one rain on our oat patch, just enough to make it come up.  I loved looking at the green oats sprouting in front of the house. Over the past couple of weeks I have watched the green turn brown.  Now all you see is dirt and a tiny yellowish streak that are the rows of oats.   Plan was to use this to graze my sheep and goats on.  It should be big enough now to be grazing.  It isn't.  My option in the coming months will be to sell livestock or buy hay.   I don't like either option!   I am blessed in I can do either.   I can afford to buy SOME hay.  Others can't.  They are going to have to sell.  Along with the blessing of all the rain this summer came lots of grass in some areas.  Now the grass is very very dry.  We have had 30 mph winds several days already this year.  A spark and a 30 mph wind make for a fast moving wildfire.  God has protected us so far this year.  We haven't had any major ones.  Yet, unless we get rain soon they will come.  Remember a few years ago when Texas lost several towns to wildfire?  It is a scary thought.  I just ask everyone pray for rain over this area.  

I have rambled the morning away!  All have a blessed day!

Lack of Rain