At Home in Georgia

Quiet Moments

God, as always, knows what He is doing.  Why does that surprise me yet again? 

Specifically, when He gave me my children, in the order they came.  I'm sitting here typing away, reading about "tomato staking"... what a wonderful idea.  Keeping our children close so that we can correct problems as they arise and before they escalate into biting, a face covered in Mommy's makeup, or a room that looks like a tornado went through.  Anyway... my girls are traveling back with their grandparents from KY, and I have only my 3 year old boy here with me. 

He has been beside me almost the entire past 5 days, playing with trucks, cars, trains, or sitting next to me playing with a calculator.  He doesn't beg for attention, but comes up and says, "Mommy?  I love you", gets a hug, and runs off to play some more. 

Now.... IF he had been my first child.... I would think I was the best mommy!  My son is secure, he is loving, he is willing to help, he is polite (most of the time), he holds my hand in the store and rarely throws temper tantrums.  And then when my girls came along, I would have been so frustrated and overwhelmed.  They are little chatterboxes, always moving, always coming up with new "interesting" things to try... the quieter they are, the more damage is being done... but then, they're rarely quiet!  :) 

But... because my first chatterbox was born first, I've gotten used to very little time to have to "myself".  I've always felt guilty just checking email, because I know SOMEONE is probably getting into trouble.  And because my second little chatterbox is very strong-willed, I've never had a moment to be "off the hook" so to speak and let my guard down without disasterous results. 

So, by force, sort of, God has kept me very accountable and focused on my children and completely relying on His strength and wisdom..  When I lack discipline to do what I know needs to be done (planning, keeping "after" the children, prayer!, etc.), it is met with almost immediate consequences... a little girl's hurt feelings, artwork in my Bible, intense frustration on my part, a closet of clothing pulled off hangers, or whatever.  When I don't seek His wisdom, I become "monster mommy", yelling, frustrated, sarcastic, and not the godly woman I want to be and to model to my girls.

Anyway, I am so thankful that God waited to give me an "easier" child... I appreciate the blessing so much more now than I would have as a new mommy.  AND I'm SO very thankful for my crazy, exciting, noisy, lively girls who keep my life interesting and make sure that I don't get lazy or let my guard down!  And who remind me daily that I am NOT the perfect mommy, and never will be!  :)

~Michelle

Ps.  I miss my girls and can't wait to see them!  They should be home around 5pm tonight.