A Mom's Musings

• Wednesday, January 9, 2008 - Needing wisdom in the storm

I find myself in a situation that is pulling me in two different directions. Never mind that it's exasperating my feelings over my life right now! I wrote the following in an e-mail to a friend today; I copy it here to put the same request for advice out there for anyone willing to comment:

"If your son were really struggling with school, mostly academically but also somewhat socially, and was developing other problems due to all that, would you pull him out of school mid-year or stick with it and "finish what you started" so to speak??

DH and I are ready to yank J out of that middle school. He is struggling SO badly with the math program (ultimately he'll get it but at a much slower pace than the rest of the class; he said he does ask for extra help and his teacher tries to help but she "gets frustrated with him" because he doesn't get it. She's very open to working with us, but I just wonder how much longer this can go on. All that, in turn, gets him feeling really down on himself. He has ZERO self-esteem to begin with. This just crushes it. And on top of everything, and adding to the problem, is that he is absolutely exhausted with the schedule (he's up at 6am to catch the bus at 6:45!). When he is that tired, he has no control over his emotions and can really lose his top. Over Christmas vacation he gave up sleeping in his own room to be able to sleep downstairs with his brothers; they played together beautifully 90% of the time. Since school started again it's all gone down hill and he can be downright nasty to them (which I have NO tolerance for). G is ready to become Homeschool Dad and I wonder if the mornings alone together aren't just what this poor kids needs.

Sad part is, know what one of the biggest "fear factors" is for me?? My mother-in-law.... I know exactly how she'll react and what she'll say, that we're not being consistent or teaching him how to "deal" with his problems, that he won't learn how to manage these issues by avoiding them. But she has also never seen J at his worst, or what I deal with on a nightly basis."

Part of that whole flip-flopping issue with MIL is that while we have home schooled before, we have only done a complete year ONCE. It's been a tough road, I admit, but every time we've made the decision to home school or not, it's been done as what we saw to be the solution at the time, and never a cop-out or defeat in either direction. We put all three boys in school this year because we knew I had to go out and get a job. God is merciful in having provided a job for me that I actually enjoy doing, because lately I am so frustrated with having to leave every morning to GO to a job, that if I didn't like it, I'd be totally miserable!

Anyway, I'm struggling today with this issue with my 11-yr. old son. I just wonder if we can all last this way until the end of the school year.

I am so tired.....

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ETA: We plan to home school next year regardless - HOPEfully we'll be in or on our way to a camp by then, but even we're still here and I still have to work, we're going to find some way to do it (DH can offer a lot of help there). So the question really is, do we stick with it this year as planned back in September, or just go ahead and start home schooling DS11 now?? My other two boys will finish out this year in school, they are in grades K and 2 and not having the problems the 5th grader is.

Comments

• Wednesday, January 9, 2008 - Boy, this is so similar to my son!

Posted by Marseeya

I totally understand where you are coming from. My son was in a very similar situation in 1st grade. I was under contract as a teacher at the time and would loose my credentials if I didn't finish out the year. So we stuck it out. It has been one of my biggest regrets to date. My son still talks about how much he never wants to go to public school again. He ended up in counseling. A great deal of the daily trauma he endured is still being revealed day by day in little things he says. It has been over 18 months since he came home to be homeschooled. I encourage you to pray and remember that your son will only have this time in life once. It will shape and mold him good or bad. However, if this is just until next year and then back to public school...that will be difficult for him as well. My prayers are with you as you make this decision.

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• Wednesday, January 9, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by 1ladybeale

I am so sorry to hear about your son. My son, Seth, has a Central auditory receptive processing disorder that frustrates us to death. I had him tested and the tester could not even give me an IQ on him because he couldn't do the tests. I have homeschooled him all his life. I started when he was three. While my daughter was schooling-I would do some activities with him. I knew very early on that there was something wrong with my son. My suggestion to you is to go www.diannecraft.org She specializes in children with learning disabilities. Her articles are very informative. Boys have three times the learning disabilities than girls. A boys' corpus collosum (the fatty transportation part) in between the brains need three times the DHA than a girls. If there is a lack of DHA it will affect the child's learning process. She also teaches the parent (or the teacher) to train the right side of the brain...you will have to read her articles and get her dvd's. It will take forever to explain the why's and how's of how this works. Her teaching techniques will give you and your son some VELCRO (the information on the right side of the brain need pictures to remember information...this is called VELCO...it causes the information to stick). It works for math, science, history, reading...everything. All I know is these techniques have really helped my son. He is 10 years old and is just now beginning to read because I am using the information and the techinques that Dianne Craft teaches. The dvd, Teaching the Right Brain Child in an answer to much prayer. She also has a cd...The Biology of Behavior..it explores the physical causes of behavior and attention problems in children. With our diets of today-many an adverse reaction will be found in our children concerning learning and behavioral problems. Now, she, nor I, am advocating that a child's behavior can be controlled by diet alone. God gives divine wisdom on handling a child who is a sinner, just a the parent, but there is evidence that our dirty diets cause problems...in the young and the old. So, please check out her website and ask God for guidance...He will give it to you.
P.S. It is teacher friendly........
May God give you guidance and rest.
Sincerely,
Sharon

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• Wednesday, January 9, 2008 - homeschooling

Posted by clw

Carolina,

I read your post tonight and was touched to the point I just had to write. I hope what I have to say will be a help. First I have to say, and please don't take this the wrong way but I was a little confused on how you had mentioned you had homeschooled at different times. However, I know things happen in life that can change our courses and your having to go to work is an obvious one. It is wonderful that you have a job that you like, that does help such a transaction. I have been a stay at home mom sense my first son was born in 1991 but in 2003 my husband lost his job and then hurt his back and was unable to work for over 4 years. Causing me to enter the work force until recently We however were fortunate that my husband was home with the boys and I schooled them after work. So I do understand life and what it deals. I also understand a non supportive extended family when it comes to homeschooling. It not only can be frustrating but exhausting especially when you need some extra support. Here it is though, we as parents have been entrusted with our children from the Lord above and we are the ones responsible for meeting their needs despite what others may think or what the existing circumstances are in our life. You would not be teaching your child to avoid his problems by taking him out of school however you would be reinforcing to him that you and his father care and will protect him from harm. Our homes are our children's safe place and sometimes just like we run to our heavenly Father to protect us, our children must have that freedom and reassurance that they can run to us. More than any academic accomplishment that we need to help our child succeed in we need to make sure our children feel good about themselves in line with the word of God. Putting them in a worldly environment everyday can be much too harmful especially if their self esteem is already in crisis. If your husband and you both are supportive of the idea and have prayed and feel the Lords approval then nothing and no one should stop you. Your child will love you for it and the foundation you lay for his trust will last a life time.
God bless

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• Thursday, January 10, 2008 - home school

Posted by Anonymous

Forget what mil says or thinks~~ Be confident in God's leading. I know~~ easier said than done! lol

This is the picture that came to mind as I was reading your story. Let's say you enrolled your son for a years worth of swimming lessons. On a daily basis, you can see that he is struggling to stay above water~~ thrashing and gasping for air~~ close to drowning. Do you keep your child enrolled in swimming lessons just for the sake of sticking it out til the end of the year?

Know I will be praying for you and your decision!!! Stop by anytime~~ Tamy
www.xanga.com/justmomma

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• Tuesday, January 15, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by CitySteader

I have to say... you said your mother-in-law would say that you are not teaching you son how to "deal" with his problems. But how can you when you are not there at his school. It is important to do all you can, but you cannot help what happens when you are not there. The teachers (generally) don't care about helping kids make break throughs, not because they don't want to care but because they don't have the time! My entire in-law family dissagrees with me (for homeschooling) so I know what it's like to be pressured about how you raise your children. Not to mention that all of my in-law (including gma and gpa) live withing 2 miles of us! Just commit it to the Lord, be sure of your desicion (either way), and then take joy in the fact that you made the right decision.

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