Inexperienced Love

Posted on Friday, December 1, 2006 at 07:50

Monday is our two year anniversary, and I'm really worried that the mood I've been exeriencing today won't go away by then. What if it never goes away?
The Summer before Dom and I got married, when we were engaged but he was across the Atlantic, I got a data entry job in the hopes of funding our wedding. The work was horrible, eight hours a day typing names and phone numbers into an excel worksheet, alone with my thoughts. And I didn't have any thoughts. I just heard my heartbeat, so loud it drowned everything else out. And the beat said "Dom Dom Dom Dom." Constantly, literally, nothing but his name revebrating through my being. And this wasn't a joyous thing, it was maddening and distracting.
I love him so totally it drives everything else out of me. The love sits, chained to my heart, growling furiously at anything else that comes too close. The only other emotion I ever seem to really feel is depression-when the dog loses his attention and suddenly I'm left with nothing else to fall back on. And when does this happen? When it seems that there is no possible way Dom could love me as strongly as I love him. When he talks about having a bad day, wanting to leave his job, when he misunderstands or underestimates me. When he is unhappy and there is nothing I can do I am a failure, a waste, and how does anyone live this way?
Will the love eventually dull, enabling me to withstand his petty pains and difficulties with learned gentleness and comfort? Would I be okay with that? What happens when we have children? Is it all a matter of growing up?

Untitled Comment

Posted by kimmie on Friday, December 1, 2006 at 09:41 - Link

I pray that your love never dulls, but that as you & hubby are married longer the understanding grows...it really does, hon.......it gets better with time!

Untitled Comment

Posted by katenicholl on Sunday, December 10, 2006 at 04:56 - Link

I think the first couple of years are the hardest as marriage is a big adjustment BUT it gets better. I can honestly say that each year has been better than the one before!! Dom knows you love him and HE LOVES YOU just as much....men just don't show it in the same way as we women!
If you are ever feeling low you know where I am!

Catherine :o)