Our daughter Alexis will be 14 years old in June. She has all of a sudden started wanting to be outside a lot, she does not want to be inside. I don't blame her because the weather is starting to get nice. The problem is there is a girl down the road who is her same age that is not a good influence. Alexis is a good girl and I don't want that to change. When Alexis says she wants to go outside it usually means she wants to hang around her. We have 6 kids ranging in age of almost 14-19 months. Alexis does not want to go to parks anymore. She wants to start being dropped off at the mall with some friends. At this point she does not have many friends because we kind of keep friends to a minimum. We are a very family orientated family. We do everything together...all 8 of us! I can tell Alexis is wanting more freedom, but I don't think I should give her a whole lot! I remember how it was as a teenager. I remember wanting to walk up and down our street and it usually meant wanting attention. Boys! Alexis does not talk about liking boys, but I know she is at that age where she is going to try to get attention from boys. This girl we live by is very immodest wearing short shorts! I mean the kind that almost show your but! We saw her outside not too long ago kissing a neighbor boy! She is only 13! Her parents in my opinion gives her WAY too much freedom! I want to start giving Alexis more freedom to be with some friends, but it is hard when we have 5 other kids! We can't just stop what we are doing and cart her around. She just asked me a few minutes ago if she could have a sleep-over! Our house is crazy most of the time, and younger siblings don't leave older siblings alone, and it turns out to be too stressful for Joe and I. Not to mention our house is small.
I had another question.....we live on a fairly busy road. The older kids want to be outside more since the weather is nice. The problem is that I don't always want to stay outside. I will go out for a while with the younger ones and then I want to come in. When I bring in the younger ones, and the younger ones see the older ones are still outside they give me a very hard time. I don't know how to work it so that it is less stressful for me. I am having a hard time keeping track of where all 6 of them are. This is why I know it is time to live out in the country.
05:43, Saturday, April 19, 2008
.. Posted by Anonymous
1. how to talk so teens will listen & listen so teens will talk by adele faber & elaine mazlish.
2. the teen whisperer by mike linderman.
both are awesome! try to find them at the public library. very good help in both of them.
<i>Untitled Comment</i>
06:43, Saturday, April 19, 2008
.. Posted by gokings13
Every family is different,as every child is different.
However, Scripture is Scripture,and it doesn't change with the times.....
Thank you Jesus!!
Seek out Scripture that speaks about a 'child's place' inside the family. Seek out Scripture that speaks to your responsibility to your children. Seek out Scripture that speaks to "bad company corrupts good character".
Use Scripture as your guide.
When / IF she has a fit.......you can point back to two facts:
#1, you are the parent, and you are responsible before a Holy God for how you raise her
#2, she is the child, and the chain of command is "God, Husband, Wife, Children" sorry, but she's on the bottom rung of this ladder for a reason. And God designed that reason.
I have 3 teens, 17, 16, 14.......two of my three are very confident and comfortable in their own skin. Not easily led off the path. I have one..............who is not as strong. And if I subject this one to certain things: *I* am setting her up for failure.
I wouldn't look to any book written by man, because man is fallen. Man may have 'some' good ideas........but if they don't line up with Scripture.......they are just that: man's good ideas!
Don't buy into the whole "teenage rebellion is normal" lie. It's not normal, and it's not Biblical. It's a lie from satan so that he doesn't have to fight us for our children.........we willingly hand them over to him, because we have bought into the "oprah dr.fillyourheadfulloflies" garbage!! Don't trust man.......trust the Lord. Trust the leading of the Holy Spirit. Trust the Scripture.........Scripture is all you need doll!!
Laura
Edited by gokings13 on Sunday, April 20, 2008 at 06:42
Untitled Comment
12:04, Sunday, April 20, 2008
.. Posted by seventhheaven
I think we are in the same boat. LOL. My daughter is 13. Last year we had to as much as we could put a stop to a friendship with a girl that lived behind us. My daughter really did not understand this. But we were noticing she was gravitating toward the same things this girl was doing. Now the only way she sees her is if the girl comes to our house, and most of the time she does not. Stand your ground on this.
I do think it is important however that she does have a least one friend. We are also a big family and instead of big sleepovers we do one friend at a time.
I do sympatize with the outside situation. Mine are the exact same and this I do not have a solution. LOL.
Untitled Comment
02:40, Sunday, April 20, 2008
.. Posted by Anonymous
I am not sure if I have any suggestions for your situation but, I can tell you about mine :)
I have 6 children (4 bio/2step) age 23,21,20,19,14,and 12. My husband has always had custody of his children so, we all lived together.
Each child has been different but, at some point I had to decide that I had taught my children well and trust them to make some decisions on their own.
At 14...kids do not always want to 'family' things and that is fine and very normal! I could not expect my now 21yr old daughter at 14 to always want to do things with my then 5yr old daughter. She wanted her own friends that she had things in common with (namely age).
It felt like we had the same conversation at least every other day...pick your friends wisely because that is who people will compare you to, whether or not it is true.
My home has always been open to my childrens friends for visits, sleepovers, whatever. I did not do this because we had so much room but, if they were at my house frequently, and believe me, they were always there, I knew what they were doing and the kind of person they were. It was a little harder on us but, we are the ones that decided to have a large family and that comes with it. At this point, my oldest daughters' friends call me from time to time for advice or when they need an adult to talk to. I feel good that I made that line of communication open to them at 13, 14, 15yrs old.
Hiding my kids from the 'real' world wasn't an option because at some point they have to live in it and be able to handle it on their own.
Good luck! It isn't an easy job but, I can honestly say that I am so proud of the young adults my oldest children have become.
Talk, Talk, Talk! Just keep talking to her all the time. I have 3 boys but I teach teen girls at church and they know that they can talk to me or any of the other teachers. And believe me they like to talk and want answers. We give them biblical answers to all their questions. We look the answers up in the bible. With my boys (16, 14 & 8) when I see a 'problem' arising we go to the Bible. It helps them look at things from God's way and helps them to reason out the way they should go. It doesn't happen overnight but they usually 'see the light'. I can imagine it is very difficult for you to get some one on one time with her-- but it is important to really try. And most importantly keep her lifted up in prayer!
Tina
Girls
11:18, Monday, April 21, 2008
.. Posted by Anonymous
Hi, I'm Mom2fur, aka Clare, from Sortafrugal.blogspot.com. I'm also the mother of four, including a daughter who is now 23. We had our 'tough times' because a friend of hers was also 'unsupervised.' But instead of forbidding the friendship, I made it a point to get to know this girl and her family. Now she is like a second daughter to me. In fact, I babysit her little girl (yes, she had a baby at 16), who is the nicest, brightest, sweetest kid ever. I'd like to think I have a little influence in a granny sort of way. Her mother has come around and works hard (that's why I babysit) and is trying to complete her education. There is ALWAYS hope for the future when it comes to kids.
Oh, my gosh, I could go on for paragraphs and you certainly don't have time to read all this. So I'll get to the point...don't forbid the friendship (forbidden fruit is sweetest anyway) but make it a point to get to know this girl. Don't talk down to her, but let her know in a kind and loving way what the rules of your house are. My kids have curfews, and even though some of their friends don't (or didn't), they respected that and didn't give my boys or my daughter a hard time if they had to be home a certain time. (14 is young...I'd say a curfew of dinner time for 'school' nightsand maybe nine for others.) Honestly, kids seem to gravitate to my house and I think half the reason is that a)there is actually a father under this roof and b)we're easy-going but certain about certain rules.
As far as the mall...if you havent' gotten her a cell phone, get one! It's the best investment you could ever make for a teenager, and you can get some kinds of pay-as-you-go phones pretty cheap. My youngest, almost 18, has my husband's old business cell. He knows to check with us at designated times and to also call if he goes from one place to another. And he darned well better answer if I ring him up! A phone will give you peace of mind and let your daughter know that, while you respect her desire to grow up and be independent, you will always be 'there.'
Now I'll keep my promise and stop writing so much! Best of luck to you. Remember...14 turns into 23 someday, and I'm sure your daughter will be as awesome a young woman as my daughter is!
Teenage daughter
10:09, Monday, April 21, 2008
.. Posted by toby0131
My daughter is 17, turning 18 this year, and I know exactly what you are talking about. My daughter now, loves to be at home with the family and her sisters (age 9 - 6 months). But she didn't always. About 2 years agao, we read a book called "Raising Maidens of Virtue," by Stacey McDonald and it was life changing for her as well as for myself.
She was attending a local high school at the time and was pulling away from us slowly. She wanted to spend more time with her friends and all of a sudden her sisters were "annoying" as well as her parents. We were having constant battles with the clothing issue, never really resolving them. I'm telling you, the change wasn't over night, but it was quick to convict her of her wrong doings in these areas of her life. Suddenly, all that she was trying to do, didn't match up to God's expectations and that scared, worried or just plain bothered her.
Just keep praying for your daughter and try reading the book together!
Blessings,
Michelle
Copyright (c) 2007-2008 Anne Hall/ TheLargeFamilyLogistics.com. All text, original photographs, and content may not be used without the express written permission of and/or attribution to Anne Hall and/or TheLargeFamilyLogistics.com.
