Mama to 6~The Large Family Logistics

Eating together

On a normal schedule we usually eat 3 meals a day together, minus Dad for breakfast and lunch.  Even when we go out to dinner, we are all together.  I don't know, it just seems like a no-brainer!  But from what I hear eating together as a family is something rarely done!

The Importance of Eating Together as a Family

Who remembers when eating dinner together meant a civilized meal around the table with thoughtful conversation and a well-deserved break from a busy day? Even if it was later in the evening because of hectic schedules, dinner was a chance to be together and catch up on the family’s news. For most of us, however, the idea of sitting down as a family for ANY meal seems like an impossibility because of the myriad of activities and priorities that have crept into our everyday lives.

These days, families rush through life because of work schedules, school schedules and after-school activities. If the family does happen to be home at the same time, invariably the TV takes precedence over thoughtful conversation, serving a few purposes… “entertaining” the kids so that they eat what’s in front of them, allowing the parents to catch up on current events and giving everyone a few minutes of quiet time before the chaos ensues again.

Another popular scenario is that the kids eat first and are then sent off so that the adults can eat together later. What ever happened to eating as a family? To sharing with everyone how the day went? To coming together as a unit instead of just on Holidays? How old do the kids have to be for this to actually become a reality? The answer is that even with an infant, meals can become a special family time every day that allows all members to regroup and strengthen the shared bond. If these values are instilled from the beginning and the parents understand the importance of this time together, the family meal will become a reality that continues as the children grow through not only early years but the teenage years and beyond.

So why do we want to strive for a family dinner? First and foremost, this time gives everyone a chance to share about their day. Parents need to stay involved in their children’s lives and this gives a great opportunity for questions and answers. Secondly, children need role models to look up to; parents can discuss their day, the importance of hard work, and model good manners and eating habits as well. We all know how kids emulate their parents’ every move! Also, children need to feel that they are part of the household. By giving equal voice and importance to their feelings and activities, children know that they have a place in the family too.

Creating this family meal together takes a little effort and persistence, but once this time becomes a priority, families will begin to reap the benefits and enjoy their special time together. Use the following suggestions to get started…

• First, discuss ahead of time with other adults in the household what this time should look like. Having everyone on the same page will help during the transition until the new routine is learned. Also, keep in mind that if someone is coming home just before dinner, they might need 15 minutes or so to change their clothes and catch their breath, for example. Take all of this into account so that the meal will be pleasant and enjoyable.

• Give toddlers a job that will become their special “chore.” This could be putting out the placemats, napkins, wheeling the highchair over for baby, mixing the mashed potatoes etc. Get everyone involved – this isn’t a restaurant!

• If the kids go to the supermarket with you, talk about the meal that you are planning and ask them to help put the ingredients in the cart.

• Turn off the TV during meal time so that there are no distractions. This will probably need some transition time especially if it was part of the child’s everyday routine. Keep in mind that children need to be taught appropriate behavior at the table by modeling the adults. Just because they are older doesn’t mean that they will suddenly develop manners!

• Go around the table and give every person the “stage” to share whatever they want to about their day. It’s suggested to share both the good AND bad; this habit will help later on as the children deal with more difficult issues and feel comfortable sharing with their parents.

• Be flexible. If dinner together really isn’t a possibility for whatever reason, maybe breakfast or lunch is a better option. If the kids really need to eat at a separate time from the adults, at least sit with them while they eat. The importance of the meal is the time together, not the food on the plate.

• If there is an infant or small child in the family, pull the high chair to the table and place a few snacks such as cereal or fruit on the tray so they can be part of the family meal too, even if it isn’t really their time to eat. Babies benefit from adult stimulation and conversation – they might even have something to contribute!

Starting good habits early that include daily family time around the table will benefits each member and allow the family bond to grow and flourish. Even if it’s only a few times a week, eating together instills important values that the children will treasure. If a new baby brings many changes to a household, adapt and incorporate these new changes into the established family values and beliefs. Families will be able to build on what’s important – even when life gets a little hectic.

Untitled Comment

05:01, Thursday, July 10, 2008 .. Posted by gabbie427

This is a great post. I remember when I was younger, ALWAYS eating as a family every night of the week. (We were lucky enough that dad didn't work evenings) Now a days, girlfriends tell me they had to grab McDonald's on the way home from the ball game that started at 6:30 but didn't get over until 10pm due to the referee or something. So the kids are being taken to 14 different activities (it seems like that many anyway) and then not getting home until well after bedtime. In the summer, this might work, depending on how many chores the child has the next day, but during the school year, this happens all the time as well!!!

We love to eat together at the table (alot of families now are eating in front of the TV where almost no conversation is made) and talk about our day. We would NEVER have the kids eat prior and then send them to bed. We can have our quiet time together after the kids go to bed, but I think eating together is soooo important.

Studies say that the kids who eat with their family and talk about their day, have caring parents that ask them how is school, etc. are less likely to be into alcohol, drugs, teen pregnancies, etc!!!

Anyway, thanks for sharing.

God's Blessings,
Amy Jo