Well, dear friends, I stumbled upon this -- my own blog -- after several months of absence. "Ah, I remember!" I thought to myself as I re-read the sole two entries I'd made...I longed to simplify and change some things in the pattern of my life. Why the long absence, you may wonder? What changes have occurred since the last time we spoke?

First of all, you may remember from reading my last post that my dear husband - Les - and I had been expecting our seventh child (although only second biological child). Shortly after I posted that last blog about the lovely markets abounding in Lancaster County and my cravings for chocolates and such, I started bleeding profusely. Sadly we lost the baby and I slipped into a long period of depression over the loss. I did not feel I had support from my family and friends. They were not outrightly mean-spirited, but the majority felt that we already had six, so it was not really a big deal. We have five adopted children and one amazing miracle of a three year-old who is our biological child. The L-rd has blessed us with three sons and three daughters to raise for His glory. 

I found myself on that sad and terrible day trying to praise G-d and I repeated "The L-ord give, the L-rd takes away - blessed be the name of the L-rd" over and over. It is not that I do not believe it -- on the contrary! Yet the devil seemed to have taken my sorrow as a weakness of faith and tried to fling his arrows at me and the family when we were going through such a dark time. July approached and the miscarried child was buried in a share-burial plot at a cemetery. The whole experience was surreal to me, and I had nightmares for months. As we were expecting at Christmas time, the joy of His birth was tinged with a sorrow I could not shed, and I found myself finally at the point where I could no longer try to deny the overwhelming grief I felt -- There would be no infant in my arms at Christmas. And my one precious grandmother passed away after Thanksgiving, so that the whole season was difficult. I ended up in the hospital for a short time for stress-related issues and found myself unable to find comfort though I prayed and read the Bible faithfully to find it.

Finally He spoke to me and told me that He had not left me nor forsaken me (which I knew but yet still needed to hear for the value of its reassurance). To help myself through the grieving process, I made a shadow box with the ultrasound pictures I had and one precious crocheted set of baby booties and hung it as a reminder that the baby had been real...It was difficult for others to join me in my grief, in part because I was still fairly early into the pregnancy (about 10-12 weeks) and so I felt very sad and alone (as far as earthly companionship and frienship went) in my experience. Another thing I found was that there were not many books that addressed the loss from a Christian perspective that gave me words of comfort. An avid reader, I was disappointed and frustrated. I have it on my heart to one day fill this need for others -- so (side note here) if you have gone through this experience and are willing to share your story with me, please e-mail me. I think that it would be such a balm and benefit to others. It has been a long process of recovery. I still ache for that precious baby, but I am comforted that my child will greet me one day and for now is safely in His care.

Aside from all of that difficulty, my dear husband and I have been having issues with so many other things from finances to children to extended family and the like. We truly feel like we are under some sort of spiritual attack. So if you ever consider us in your prayers we would truly appreciate it and be blessed by your remembrance!

Dear friends, the last time we spoke I was speaking of a heartfelt desire to eat locally grown produce inspired by Barbara Kingsolver's book "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle". We have not gotten to that point yet, but I am pleased to say that we had some measure of success with our little square foot garden attempt. The weather seemed to be unusually wet, so our tomatoes often "cracked" -- but they were still delicious! We even had cucumbers for the first time. My herbs did beautifully and my rosemary has even survived so far -- usually it dies very early on and I get discouraged. But as we love fresh rosemary - especially with "stick chicken", a dish my mother concocted - I keep trying! I had an abundance of parsley and cilantro too. I need to know what to do with it all -- ie, how do I dry it or freeze it? I feel like such a novice, but I am determined to learn. In the spirit of trying to organize my home and prepare for spring cleaning, today two of my children helped me organize our pantry shelves, which are full of canned goods that I will not be replacing (well -- except for maybe a thing or two) once they are used up. Thankfully with things currently lean budget-wise, I think we may just have enough on the shelves and in the freezer to avoid the grocery store til the farmers' markets start offering spring produce!!!

In my quest to learn to do more and be more self-sufficient, I have been making bread at least once a week. So far it is yeast bread, with store-bought flour, but I am hoping to save money to purchase a grain mill and grind my own flour, then graduate to making sourdough breads from my own starter...Once I learn to do that! Last year my dear friend, Joan, came over one day to teach me to make yogurt. After I got pregnant and was on bed-rest and so forth I, of course, did not do it. I want to try it again. In addition, I've subscribed to the New Homestead Harvest newsletters -- and absolutely had to purchase all of the back issues -- so that I am now even more convicted that the L-rd wants me to change many things from the way I've always done them so that I am providing the best for my family. I have even looked for upcoming workshops at the two closest county cooperative extension offices so that I can develop more skills. This is such an exciting adventure...

The other thing that has been going on -- as if this post is not already long enough! -- is that my dear husband felt led to raise pigeons. He has a contract to sell all the chicks, so it has been a sort of "safe" way to be introduced to farming. Neither of us come from a farming background per se, though he came from a much more rural area that did I...So this has been an interesting experience. We rented a barn about 1 1/4 miles away (the next road actually) and my dear husband spent many of his free hours laboring to make nesting boxes. He has 89 pair of breeders. We did start with 90 but lost two of the birds. So far we estimate that we have about 75 or so chicks. They grow so fast! It has been absolutely amazing to see the changes that occur even within the first few days! They are such tiny, naked little things at first, then get fuzzy little pinfeathers. Then they just grow!  We have not sent any chicks in yet, as they have to be at least 20 weeks old. So we have pigeons everywhere. One of the things I found most fascinating was that they are so beautiful! We have brown ones, black with purplish or greenish feathers around their necks, grayish ones, white ones...We have one white one that looks like someone flecked black paint onto her! It really has been a learning experience, having to get up and go over to the barn that is not on our property, feed and water the birds, clean up the floor, count eggs, count chicks, band the birds (they get a numbered band), watch for hawks in the barn (which eat pigeons), and so forth. Even though it is not what I envisioned when I thought about one day owning a farm, it is really giving us practical experience raising animals on a large scale.

So although this has been a really hard year, there have been little blessings along the way that have kept us somewhat encouraged. I continue to learn and try to ask for His guidance in these things, as I truly feel He is calling us to a simpler and more fulfilling life. Thank you for stopping by! I hope you'll come again soon, and I hope that it won't be too long before I have the opportunity to write again.

Many, many blessings!!!

~mary

Comments

Posted by stitchnchick