Posted in The School Room

I have been pondering the article on homeschooling that Kim posted on http://www.homesteadblogger.com/wannabeone/101908 (sorry I still haven't figured out how to link properly).

It was a really good article and very well written although as some commented, he did generalise and lump all homeschoolers into one particular group, but the point is that we all know what he was referring to, and we all probably know families like that.

I was thinking about my history of homeschooling and how I related to this article, because I do relate to it in many ways. I was not homeschooled, although my brother and sister were partially homeschooled in their highschool years. Homeschooling has really only just taken off in New Zealand in the last 10 years. The only family I knew growing up who homeschooled was a family who lived way down the Marlborough Sounds and in those days it took a one and a half hour boat ride to get to their house. (I happened to be one of the daughter's good friends..... lucky me)! But I digress.

As my parents and family worked for a homeschool organisation for many years, when I married almost 11 years ago, it was just a natural thing that my husband and I would homeschool if we were blessed with children. And we have stuck with that decision and I am now into my 4th year of 'official' homeschooling, although I have not found homeschooling to be the easy choice. I daily have to die to my selfish desires. Some days I would love to send them off to school, and have the day to potter around home doing what I want, or go in to have coffee with some of my more trendier friends. As some of you know, I did missionary work before I married, and I have come to view my homsechooling journey as my little missionary field. If I see it like this, it is not so hard for me.

I have come to really enjoy homeschooling and I would not wish it to be any other way, but there are days when it has been a struggle, but in my heart I know it is the right thing to do and I am being obedient to God and the wishes of my husband, and that is what matters most.

In all these years I have always been very open with friends and family that we would homeschool, and I have only ever had one negative comment, and that was just recently from a chinese missionary woman and her New Zealand husband at our church, and we laughed about it, because they assumed we didn't send our kids to school because we couldn't find a school we liked. He gave us a list of good schools (well - I guess he was partially right).

I admit there have been raised eyebrows at times, but I have generally found people to be fascinated by homeschooling.

My husband and I laugh because as it turns out so many of our friends are teachers. We are always coming across school teachers, and our neighbourhood is full of them. It's a sure thing that if we move house the next door neighbour will be a teacher! I used to be a little intimidated by this, but I have actually found that teachers are the most supportive. We have some very dear friends living down the road from us. He is a primary school principal and she is a teacher, and they are just wonderful to our children and so helpful to us. A few nights when they have visited they have been happy to sit down with us and brainstorm on new, practical ideas for my son's writing curriculum or my daughter's math's exercises. We've even had him carry out science experiments involving the whole family that stretched from our dining room, across the living room and into the school room. And they willingly gave up an entire afternoon (at my request) to come and check their reading levels (they were above by the way, with a few things to work on though).

My non-christian, wealthy, worldly neighbours - who generally are two child families - also love to talk about the homeschooling with me. They even look out for educational material for me. As an example, one of my neighbours who recently told me she had never even thought about homeschooling as an option, found an animated map of our region that her little son just loves and is picking one up for me to put on our schoolroom wall.

My husband comes from a large family of high acheivers and all are very 'well-educated'. I have a nephew and neice in medical school and another in veterinary school, and all of them of age have or are attending university. They're very bright, very ambitious and very beautiful kids. Most of whom are strong christians. As for my brothers and sisters-in-laws, they are doctors, accountants, speech-therapists, psychologists, farmers, horticultural experts (very handy when you're a novice gardener like me), and they all have university degrees of some sort. I do not, but they excuse me because I'm 'arty', and have a book published!

Homeschooling for us is a conviction. We believe that Deuteronomy passage that it is our duty to teach and train our children at home. We believe in dressing modestly and not listening to rock music. We believe in all the fundamental things that most conservative homeschoolers do.

But, I think I have stumbled across the secret to living harmoniously with family, friends and neighbours of opposite beliefs, and it's this.

1. I don't tell them about our convictions - unless they ask.

2. If they bring up doubts or questions about homeschooling I do not get defensive, I put it back on them. For example I am always being asked by new people I meet, "why homeschooling?" And this is what I answer:

"Homeschooling is not the easy choice for education. (This puts it back on them. I stumbled across this answer once because it really isn't the easy choice for me so I was sincere, and suddenly I hear all these excuses as to why that person sends their child to school. It really works a treat everytime)!

"And we decided that there were things we wanted our children to learn that they can't learn at school, such as French and classic art, and I wanted to be absolutely sure that they were getting the best grounding in the basics that could possibly be given."

These are true, but they may not necessarily be the main reason why we homeschool. I choose who I give that information to. A non-christian would not understand 'conviction' or 'Biblical obligation'. In time, if they get to know us, they will learn this. But I do not inform them of that from the outset.

3. I ask questions. Particularly if they are in the education field. I love to ask teachers questions! For example, "what is your advice on ......?" People love to give advice, but you don't have to do what they suggest, and they'll never know if you don't. It's a great way of making friends out of teachers and you get free and helpful information.

The biggest question of course is SOCIALISATION. I honestly get so sick of that word. When people bring that up with me, I actually give a little chuckle, audibly - so they can hear. And this is what I say:

"socialisation is important to us, and we work hard to incorporate it into their education."

That is all I need to say, because by the time I know that person better, they will realize what a stupid question that is. Yesterday my daughter went to her best friend's 6th birthday party. Her best friend goes to school and she had her school friends (about 10 or 12 children) over for the party. My little homeschooled girl joined in all the games and teams and mixed better with the children that she didn't know, than some of those school children mixed with each other. She didn't sulk and she didn't shake her head with a pout when asked to join a team. She just jumped in and enjoyed herself.

Every week or other, a neighbour will call up, "can Hugh come and play with E this afternoon. He's driving me nuts." Or, "Can I come over and play at your house with Hugh today," or "would Meredith like to come down and brush the horse with T."

I love it. My kids are the most socialized in the neighbourhood.

On the dress issue, I do dress my children modestly, but I don't believe in making them too different from other children on this. I feel that homeschooling sets them apart already from others, and I don't want them as they grow up to resent the differences. I still remember what it was like to be young.

I like my daughter to wear skirts and dresses (and actually she's a very girly girl so it's easy), but I buy or make modern clothes for her. Pretty skirts and pretty dresses that are fashionable but modest. I do not at all like some of the modern clothes available for children - they are tartish and too grown up and some are even quite blatantly suggestive - but I avoid these and just get the nicer things. I always buy on sale (we are not wealthy), and I love to make her clothes. I am an experienced enough sewer now that I can adapt older patterns.

The other big question I get asked is about highschool, so I tell them,

"we are just taking our homeschooling one year at a time at the moment."

When my eldest reaches highschool age in about 5 years I will say,

"he is doing so well at the moment and his curriculum is just so fantastic that I think we'll carry on as is for awhile and see how we go."

When my friends or neighbours are talking among themselves about schools and where to send their children (which they frequently do), I join in. I say things like, "oh yes, I've heard that such and such a school is very good." Or, "I know one of the teachers there and they said....... "

I have found that once I adopted this more aggresive approach to 'defending' our homeschooling choice, that our lifestyle is looked upon as interesting, fascinating and convicting even, just as the writer of the article Kim posted says. People actually like the fact that they know someone who is 'different' from the masses. Their (little bit weird) friends, so to speak. It's amazing to me how many non-christians admire homeschoolers and how it makes them think about their own choices.

If you've managed to read through all this to the end, I applaud you! And I'd also like to say that I hope it doesn't come across as prideful, because I don't mean to, and I'm still learning, and I still get intimidated (I just try not to show it). I just wanted to share my thoughts on my homeschooling journey and how it has impacted my life and what I have found to work for me. I hope you enjoyed reading it.