Thu-3-Jul-2008 - Am I Going To Be Able to Homeschool?
When I envision homeschooling, I must admit that I’m a lot more relaxed about it than most people that I know. I want my children to want to learn (like most people) and plan to read historically accurate story books rather than buying history curriculum and stuff like that. Hopefully, it takes longer for my children to get burnt out on story-time than it does "sit here and read this book for half an hour and then I'm going to ask you questions."
Recently, though, Samuel’s attitude has come into play. VERY tongue in cheek, I’ve started to wonder what the future holds.
I’m stubborn, and my wonderful husband can be very stubborn, too. So it’s only natural that our children have these stubborn streaks a mile wide. They get it from being human, I think.
Anyway, about a month ago, Samuel and I had this argument about colors. I was trying to helpfully teach him the different colors since he had expressed interest. However, he became utterly determined that everything he saw was going to be yellow. For a while, no other color seemed to exist for him!
He also grasps the concept of 1, 2 . . . . . and 5. So, today at breakfast, I got the bright idea to try to fill in the gap. I went and picked up three matchbox cars, and put two on the table. Problem is, he saw me pick up three, and set down two, so he was too distracted to focus on the words coming out of my mouth.
Finally, I helpfully prompted him. “Are there two cars, Samuel?”
“Yeah.”
I put the third car on the table, to his great relief. “Now how many are there?”
He studied them carefully. I tried to help again.
“One, two . . .”
“Nine!”
Where that number comes from, I don’t know. He must have pulled it randomly from his memory. We proceeded to argue about what the third car should be called – nine or three.
“One, two, thr(“nine”!)ee.”
Boy, my son can sure argue! It amuses me, because I’m sure sometimes I’m just as certain that I have the right answer, or I totally try to bluff God when I’m just guessing as well.
The part that concerns me is the future. Is this going to become habit? I can see myself years from now . . . .
“In 1492,
“No, mom. I’m pretty sure it was 1592.”
“Um, son, I’m reading this out of a book. It’s 1492.”
“Whatever. It was 1592.”
“1492.”
“1592.”
“1492!!”
Hahahahaha . . . . . . I love my eldest son . . . . .
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Thu-3-Jul-2008 - Tomato Updates
This year when I went to pick out tomato plants, I went a little crazy. The nursery I went to has organic, 6” tall (or taller!) plants for $0.99 each. I was after 9 plants (at that point in time that was the area I had open) . . . . so I bought:
One “Old German” – or something like that. An yellow heirloom. My *worst* plant so far, very spindly!
One “Cherokee Purple” – heirloom, supposed to be the ugliest, best tasting tomato around. Loaded with neat looking, zebra-striped green fruits right now that should turn purple.
Two “Sun Leapers” – I had such marvelous tomatoes with this last year. Then I had all the volunteers come up so I have LOTS!
One “Health Kick” – why not? I think if I remember right it’s supposed to have extra lycopine or whatnot.
Two “Husky Reds” – I don’t remember why I picked these out, either.
Two “Keepsakes” – Again, I was having fun and if I don’t try them, I won’t know if I don’t like them.
Well, of all the plants I put in, my “Health Kick” plant has yielded two red tomatoes already. They are the oblong shape of a Roma, but I’m not that picky. I didn’t know they were paste-type tomatoes when I bought the plant, but it doesn’t really matter anyway.
The tomatoes aren’t bright, bright red but I picked them anyway as we are due for a bunch of rain and I don’t want them to swell with extra water and dilute the flavor . . . I’ll probably cut one up today with a bit of salt and just eat it up!
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Wed-2-Jul-2008 - Addendum To the Previous Post
I woke up pondering my thoughts today. We slept much better last night, so my head seems clearer.
My attitude has been, ‘Lord, if I wasn’t pregnant, I could have done this! I could have handled it!”
Like He really wanted me to handle it by myself!!!
If I wasn’t pregnant, I would have been a little less exhausted by broken sleep.
If I wasn’t pregnant, I probably wouldn’t have had the nausea issues standing in my way of drinking more fluids and trying to boost my milk supply so rapidly.
I wouldn’t have felt near so helpless and perhaps even prayed a bit less. I tend to have this mental image of myself as this very strong, capable woman. I manage and I cope and deep down inside, I figure if I don’t bother God with the little things, He’ll listen more when I need Him when the really big problems arise. He doesn’t need to be bothered with all my petty “complaints”. I can make it – I’ll muscle through it.
I look back and see how the events of the last three years have shaped me in a major way. I had so many assumptions and such a wonderful image of myself. I was the perfect, capable wife . . . and I knew it . . . . I wanted to control things and stay safe and comfortable and within my control.
And then our first pregnancy moved me into a realm I couldn’t control, and I moved relentlessly towards an event I couldn’t mentally fathom – labor and holding a newborn child in my arms. I knew fear for the first time in years and took baby-steps towards God. It was like learning to pray all over again as I learned a small lesson in humility.
The miscarriage brought me face-to-face with the fact that I’m a vessel; and I can’t control or hold onto the life within me.
Elijah’s conception, in my humble opinion at the time, was terrible timing. His pre-term arrival introduced me to a whole new level of dependence on God and I discovered that I’m really not as faithful as I think I am when things venture outside of what I feel is “normal”. And now I look at my son, and I know that God does all things well. I'm so thankful for Elijah, and that I trusted God's timing and didn't wait to feel healed mentally and emotionally before "risking" pregnancy again. God healed me, and taught me that He is always in control, even when we aren't . . . .
Right now, I forget how startled I was when I wasn’t due a month earlier, in December. I didn’t know that I would face something so scary with Elijah at 10+ weeks when I saw those breathtaking double lines. Who can plan for such things? God did know the future – He wasn’t surprised. I wonder to myself if He allowed much of this so that I would not walk these valleys alone on my own strength, so that I would not take “my” fertility and each child for granted, so that I would learn to depend on Him . . . .
When we decided to let go and take as many or as few children as God would give, we also began to desire to live more by faith. God gives life, He has given Jonathan a job, He has given us all that we have. We want to trust God through everything, to live by faith and not by what we see with our eyes.
I just didn't expect to start learning to trust Him through anything difficult so soon . . . .
~Ashley~
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