Shared in Our Walk as Women
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Disclaimer - Please know that I am still in the midst of learning and growing, and expect that I will continue as such. If you have anything to add or share, I do hope you'll take the opportunity to do so through the comment section at the end of each entry!
Today I will be writing on a difficult topic. It is such an important part of our responsibilities as Christian women. Mothering. God has told us, in the Bible, that children are a blessing. We're told to be fruitful and to accept these gifts gladly, joy in them, and train them up for the Lord. Parenting truly does begin in pregnancy for us, doesn't it? We watch what we eat and are careful not to take medications that might harm the baby. We don't do certain activities out of concern for our little ones growing within. Already, we realize that they're completely dependent on us, and we do what we can to be a good mother. Then, labor and birth day arrive. Joy! Finally meeting that precious bundle for the very first time! Face to face! Skin to skin! "So that's what you look like! We've been waiting so long to hold you!" Suddenly, parenting brings a multitude of questions and insecurities. Is the baby warm enough? Are we holding her too much? Is she eating too much? Too little? Is it time to start solids?... What do we do with the child when she begins to get into things she shouldn't? That screaming! I shouldn't allow that, should I? The toys are a mess. Should I be teaching her to pick up her things? Why doesn't my preschooler listen when I tell her, "No"? How can I stop that child from throwing toys at her cousin? Why won't she stay in bed at night? Is there something wrong with my elementary child? She's not reading yet. The other children tease her more than they ought. How do I respond? Why doesn't this child pick up her room as she should? And on and on go the questions as the years pass by... They never end! We, as mothers, are never sure what we're doing is right. We can only pray daily that the Lord bless our efforts, lend us wisdom where needed and "fill in the gaps" where we make mistakes. Here at our house, I have often told others I feel like a circus trainer. All day long, line upon line, precept upon precept, I am training. "No, we do not color on walls. We color on paper." "Tell her you are sorry. We are to love one another and be kind. That was not a very kind thing to do, was it?" "I told you once to put that away. Is there a reason it is still sitting out?" "Stop yelling. You are teaching the other children to do the same." "No pushing. That is not the way we treat one another here." "Daddy is sleeping. Lower your voice." "Please do your job over. It wasn't done properly." Helping to settle arguments, keeping the peace, training to obey and respect us as parents, answering endless questions, teaching about God and about loving one another... Like the circus trainer, I know where I want my children to "rest" in the future. I can "see" the "end goal". And I hourly work them toward it. The training seems endless. Sometimes futile. I feel almost helpless at times. Impatience can get the better of me. As mothers, we must remember our children are born with a sin nature. This means that they come "wired" to be selfish and need training almost from birth. By the time a child is six to eight months old, they are learning to exercise their will. They hollar when Mommy leaves the room without them, or complain when Daddy tells them "No, don't touch." Now is the time to begin training! Not later! Always ask yourself, as your child reaches new stages of independence, "Is this something I want her to be doing five years from now?", or "Would others appreciate this in my child?" Don't wait to stop a bad habit, as it will be harder to break later. It is much easier to train them as they age, than try to make up for lost time. Children today have a great lack of respect. This is atrocious. As a child, my sister and I would have gone running had a neighbor stood out on his porch and merely shook his head at us, if we were doing something he didn't like. Nowadays, children snicker and keep on. When you go out in public, your children should be a testimony of careful parenting. They should reflect the godliness that you profess. There should be something markedly different from your children as compared to worldly children. Teach them manners. Respect. Diligence. Cheerful submission. Always be on the lookout for areas that need refining. Be firm, not wishy washy. Now the hard part. In all this training... you must tie their hearts to yours. You must spend "down" time enough with them and focus attention on them enough that they trust you and come to know your true love toward them. It is only through our efforts in this area that the other areas of training will succeed. We can get our children's compliance. But do we have their hearts? I find it most challenging to be both an authority figure and a kind, compassionate person who just enjoys my children. I get so wrapped up in meeting their daily needs and in teaching each one according to their individual sin areas that I become exasperated and weary at times! We must make time to sit and listen to their stories and dreams. We cannot always say NO when we're asked to play a game or sit and color. And are we smiling more than frowning? -- On a difficult day (like mine was, today! Injuries, countless potty accidents, noise and rivalry!), this can be hard! I sometimes catch myself and realize what my countenance must look like -- indeed, feel like! -- to my children! I want them to feel my love so thoroughly that they see my walk with Christ as real. It is only then that they will be able to desire what I have. It is only then that they will see meaning in all our training. It is only through our love, as mothers (and fathers!) that our children will be drawn toward the Lord! Our end goal is to have a child capable of living a productive life... for Christ. We desire nothing more than to see them one day give their lives over to God, and commit their life to Him. Let us not fail! Let us pray for the Lord's wisdom and guidance in this gigantic, sober task! God bless you!
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RESOURCES:
I highly recommend the following books, if you can get them: "To Train Up A Child" by Michael Pearl "What the Bible Says About Child Training" Fugate
And, you'd likely appreciate the godly cassette series (free of charge) from Charity Gospel Tape Ministry called, "A Godly Home". It's a 16 tape set. My husband and I greatly enjoyed it several years ago. And it isn't gathering dust on the shelf, today! A new tape that blessed me was:
Also see the links on the left hand side, as there are many wonderful child-training and mothering sites.
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