Shared in Our Walk as Women
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If you've been blessed to have a husband, your second priority (after developing a close relationship with the Lord) is to be a good wife. But, what is a "good wife"? Perhaps you think your marriage is wonderful as it is. Maybe you think there is no room for improvement. Things are just running along so beautifully, already! Who would want to change it!? Remember! There is always room for improvement. As long as we are part of the equation (being sinful!), there will be areas we can do better and make things even nicer! Or... maybe you have a challenging marriage. One in which you feel very unhappy most of the time. Your husband, perhaps, is not a Christian (or is one in name only). You find him very cool and unfair. He does not relate to you in a loving manner, and is not as present as you wish he would be with the children. Maybe he has other, more serious, ungodly problems as well. You cannot change his nature or habits... but you can change yourself. Whether we are in an easy or difficult marriage, we must always realize that the union is permanent. It is not to be dissolved. This will almost always help our focus to be more godly. It will not take away the hurt, or the disappointment that sometimes occurs, but it will lead us to understand we cannot just pick up and leave when the "going gets rough". If we've put our priorities in place (God first), we will naturally turn to God in times of difficulty. He will help to refine us and help us to focus on improving our walk as wives. This will prevent us from focusing on what we feel our husbands should be doing, or how we feel they should be acting or responding. This is not to say that your feelings do not matter. I am not implying I think it is right for a husband to treat his wife harshly. The Bible is very clear on the role he holds as well. Someday, your husband will have to stand at the judgement seat, too. Pray for your husband. During your quiet times with the Lord, spend some time in prayer for your beloved. Ask God to keep him safe at work, and on the road as he travels to and from home. Pray that the Lord would work in his heart in any areas that he might presently be struggling in. Pray for greater love between the two of you. Pray that he would be a good witness for Christ. Pray that the children would be blessed, daily, by his efforts as a father. If you are a struggling wife, pray that you would be a proper example of Christlikeness to him, and ask God to show you how to express your dedication and love toward him. Get to know your husband's likes and dislikes, interests and hobbies and even his preferences and tastes. Make it a point to serve up his favorite dishes, regularly. Serve him his favorite snack when he's relaxing in his chair after a hard day at work. Show interest when he talks about a hobby. Decorate the livingroom in tones he likes. Greet him whenever he returns home with a smile and let him know by your body language that you're glad he's there! I was challenged, during a church fellowship meal last year, by a dear friend of mine. Her family was at the same table as my family was, and while I had allowed myself to sit down once the children were settled and served... she was still busy serving! "Can I get you some water to go with that?" she asked her husband. "She has coffee out there, also, if you'd prefer that." "Yes, that would be nice," he replied. "Do you need a napkin?" "Sure. I'm sure I could use one. Thank you." Hmmm... Since then, I've tried to do the same. It is hard, though! My husband was so used to doing things for himself, that I found it almost impossible to do something before he tried to! It became sort of a personal "game"! I kept my eyes wide open for opportunities to serve. I actually feel disappointed if I don't get to do something for him, now! And I feel frustrated with myself when I fail to notice something that he might need... before he goes to get it himself! It is nice when our husbands help us, once in a while. But let's instead look to Christ's example, for Jesus came to serve, not to be served! Always, always remember God's order, too. According to the Scriptures, we are to be subject to our own husbands. Cheerfully so! I cannot count the number of times I have failed in this area! Yes, I always did what my husband asked me to. But not with a smile or happy spirit! I try, daily, to do better. And God is faithful! He has been working in me! It is far easier, today, than it once was. I do not panic or feel irritated when he has something he wants me to do that "cuts into" what I had hoped to accomplish that day. Will it hurt us to do that extra chore? Will we perish if we have to iron his shirt, quickly? If we have to make a phone call for him or pick something up? Of course not. Our society tells us that it is repulsive to serve a man. It belittles a woman who focuses her love, time and attention so completely on her husband. They would be absolutely mortified to openly express such humiliation! And to obey him? That's even worse! Some women will get angry with you when you tell them they are to be subject to their husband. What!? They are independent! They want to make their own rules and live their own lives! No one is going to tell them what to do! They're adults in their own right! But... if you are a Christian, how can you throw out part of God's word? If you truly believe, you will believe the Scriptures that tell us the Bible is completely God-breathed. It is not written by man... but through him. So, it is trustworthy. It can be safely used as a guide. And God has much to say to us women therein! I suggest you spend one of your next quiet times with God going through each Scripture that has to do with being a wife and a godly woman. You will be blessed! Try to make each day fun. Remember the days back when you were only dating. Think of how much enjoyment you had just being around one another! Think on the silly things you did together, and the laughter. Proverbs 5:18 reads: "Let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth" Smile and tease one another lovingly. Laugh together. My husband pulled me onto his lap in the rocking chair today, and it felt lovely! The fourteen year old was embarrassed when she caught sight at the commotion from the kitchen (the smaller children were squealing!)... but the laughter was nice! It really sets a different mood in the house when everyone is loving toward one another. And happy! What a great and drastic change there is on my moody days, when I seem to be able to do little more than frown! God help me to be more content and cheerful! We teach our children, by our words and body language as well as our habits and practices, what to expect from marriage. They learn from us how to act with their own husbands, someday, and what is right and wrong, acceptable or unacceptable. Show them marriage can be fabulous! Show them, even during the hard times, that God has the power to work within a woman to conduct herself properly. Make home a haven for your husband. Make the atmosphere one of love and peace. Don't be contentious or nag him. Have the children and house in order. Help the children learn to serve their daddy, too. Be sure to train them to respect him. Think -- If I were him, would I crave coming home? Would I be anxious to return home to this place? Answer honestly, then if necessary, make changes! And... Isn't it an amazing thought? Your husband chose you! Out of all those other girls he could have had, he wanted you. Here I sit, huge withchild. I've gained many more pounds than I can blame on the baby alone. I feel awkward and ugly. But, my husband isn't repulsed. Go figure that puzzle out, please! Age and multiple pregnancies have really done a number on me. But, he still loves and accepts me. I am thankful! If we take our role as "wife" seriously, we will grow tremendously! Lean on the Lord in the hard times and pray His work in your husband's heart, constantly. Trust that whatever happens, the Lord will keep you safe in His grasp. You can follow your husband's lead and be confident that, even if he makes a wrong choice, God will work it out for your family's good. Think of Abraham and Sarai! -- Would you have been as patient and submissive as she was?! Yet, look at the good that came out of her submission to him! Focus on yourself, alone. You will always see areas that could use a little improvement in your husband. Ignore them. If you've told him you prefer he put his dirty socks in the hamper, yet day after day they fall in the middle of the floor, so what!? Pick them up. If you wish he would take a more active role with the children, talk to him in a quiet manner. Pray that he would see the need, himself. Remember, your husband probably sees many areas you, too, could improve in! How would you feel if he should focus on all your flaws? We can make ourselves miserable thinking about how rough we have got it. Or we can deal with what is in our laps. You can do all things (even enjoy a difficult marriage, and remain committed to it) through Christ which strengtheneth thee. Someday, when your children are all grown and out of the "nest", you'll be left alone with your husband (Lord willing). Deepen and cultivate that relationship constantly so you have something even more precious, later... than you did coming in to the marriage! God bless you as you serve God through loving your husband! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* HELPFUL RESOURCES: "A Wife After God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George "The Fruit of Her Hands" Wilson "The Excellent Wife" Martha Peace "Me? Obey Him?" Elizabeth Handford
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