Shared in Godly Parenting
|
Normally, I get a lot accomplished around the house, each day. I feel good when my chores are completed and things are neat and clean. I have a good, hardworking husband who loves me, and I have been blessed with a number of dear children who are generally well-behaved. I should have been content with how things had been running here on the homefront. But... The children's squabbles and noise... Their inability to work together... The general chaos of a larger family... Lack of true diligence, cheerfulness in attitude and complete obedience (the first time!)... prevailed! By two in the afternoon, I felt like dropping. At bedtime, I was cross and irritable, and not much of a mother to the children. Night prayers were often rushed and I couldn't wait to tuck the little ones and reduce the noise and stress. And getting to the point where all of the children were asleep was the day's greatest, most coveted goal. Lying in bed, I would be filled with regret over the day's happenings... I have felt for a long time that a major change needed to be effected. Indeed, I longed for it! I've lacked the joy that is supposed to be inherent with motherhood. Somewhere, somehow... I had failed... We all lived together... without truly enjoying one another and relishing one another! My children and I have, for a long time, been living "parallel lives". "Play nicely," I would tell the children, as I turned back to my sewing. "You do not hit your sister. Naughty!" I scolded the four year old, before disciplining him. Then, I'd go back to cooking lunch. "Lower your voice! Daddy is still sleeping. You know better!" I would tell the four little ones before heading to the laundry room to switch loads. "How old are you?" I often complained to the olders. "That is not the way a young adult behaves! Now, finish your chores." I shook my head and went back to vacuuming. "Oh, please, please!" I'd beg one of the olders who'd come to read me something they found interesting. "Wait to read it to me when it's quieter!" "Sit!" "Come, now!" "Stop!" "Obey!" I was guilty of being a tyrant. Demanding obedience, without developing relationships. The children did what I told them because they had to. Not because they couldn't bear to make me unhappy. I was already unhappy! I went through my day with a scowl on my face. Oh, those children try my patience! Why, when they know what is expected of them, do they insist on misbehaving and doing what's wrong!?!? This week, I can already tell, I successfully have created change. And it is absolutely wonderful! In regard to the little ones... How much simpler it is to just do a job myself! -- "No, no. Why not play with that, instead. Momma's almost done here." How much easier to cook without little fingers bumping and spilling things about! -- "That's okay. Momma's almost done. Now, go down and sit at the table. I'll give you a pancake in just a moment." MISTAKE! -- So much is lost when I respond in this manner! I have always kept the four littlest children at my side throughout the day. If I allow them to leave my sight, they get into mischief. However, it has taken a lot of energy on my part, and a lot of creativity to find ways to actually include them in everything I am doing throughout the day. I am developing a completely new habit... But there is a reward to the hard work! I have more smiles... I have less squabbles between siblings... I have more quiet and peace in the house... The children enjoy working... And best of all, there has been a deepening in the feeling of closeness I feel toward the children. And, they're even gravitating more toward me! I used to think I spent a lot of time with the children. I did. But it was not together. They were there with me all day, in the same room. But they were playing. I was working. And the olders... they had their schoolwork and their chores... Mother, are you doing this!? -- It's an easy trap to fall into! Particularly if you have more than a couple of children in your charge! Our laundry room is like a closet. Literally. There is room for the washer, the dryer and our pet rabbit. That's it. But, with some creativity, I've found I can actually include all four smaller children in my work in that laundry room! It takes a lot more time to complete the task, but the four year old boy enjoys showing his "strength" by pushing the basket of clean laundry out of the laundry room and into the livingroom (several rooms away!), the three and one and a half year olds have fun putting wet laundry I hand them into the dryer, and they all enjoy taking turns adding detergent and softener by standing on a stool next to the machine. Even the "job" of closing the dryer door, and washer lid brings a smile! Folding? -- The one and three year olds think they're being just like me by "shaking" out the clothes... before tossing them onto the floor! But, if I "redirect" them, they gladly hand me the items, instead. The four and six year olds actually help fold very well! The six year old even hangs up dresses! All of them help to put the laundry away in the correct droors or rooms. Cooking? - Well, it's messier. It takes a little longer to have them help. But it's also a lot more fun! Instead of making sure they aren't fighting over the same toy in the kitchen, or getting into the cat bowl... they stand on stools and help add ingredients and stir. The four year old holds onto the hand mixer while I am using it, too. The six year old, this afternoon, made juice with supervision. All of them enjoy helping their "big sisters" set table. I have yet to find a little one who doesn't have fun vacuuming with the big, noisy vacuum! Cleaning bathrooms is... well... wetter. But there is a job for each of them! And they feel so pleased to have a place in the cleaning alongside me! Give them a rag, and they will scrub walls, lightswitches, and floors! Sweeping is a little dangerous. They don't want the little child's broom, but rather the "big" one. So, watch out for that handle! Yikes! But wouldn't you know... they actually can sweep very well! And they work together. One holds the broom and sweeps while another holds the dustpan still. Still another holds open the trash can. Dusting? What joy to them! That fuzzy little duster is something they all clamor for! But, they'll happily settle for a rag with some "spray" cleaner (um, well, it's actually a water spray bottle, but don't tell them that! They might think it's not so important any longer!) Sewing is even possible, now! -- The six year old I trust with some button or quilt thread, a larger needle and some fabric scraps. But the others like "threading" buttons. And the older children and I cut out shapes, numbers, animals and suchlike from craft foam, punching holes round about it so it could be "laced" with a shoelace. What fun! The olders have been a bit more challenging to find ways to increase our relationship. I've found a "looser" homeschool schedule (with less bookwork and more oral work and sharing projects such as "presentations" and assignments to "teach" the others on a specific topic they've chosen) has helped to intensify both learning and love between us. I have a couple of games here that we enjoy that drill them on math facts... without them even realizing it! I've allowed each of them more "room" to do things that they enjoy. For example, the 16 year old enjoys sewing, so I have her help me out. She has aided in making dresses and many other things. She's also a wonderful cook! I make a point to express interest in their interests. This is sometimes "tricky". For example, my eleven year old is fascinated with insects. I'm not. It's hard to show interest in something that makes your skin feel spooky. But... This past week, his bunches of "Painted Lady" caterpillars came out of their cocoons, and I forced myself to ignore the "bloody mess" from it (he informed me that it's not blood, at all, but rather "meconium". He showed me the information in a book! See, we're learning together!). And I try very, very hard never to tell them to "wait" to share with me! If I'm in the middle of something, I do my best to pay attention to what the olders are telling me. If the little ones are being noisy, I tell them to hush. At the end of the day, we do a craft together (like tonight), or just sit and talk over tea. I am more tired at the end of the day than I was before. But it's a good sort of tired. With fewer regrets, to be sure! Don't make my mistake. Don't live parallel lives with your children! Work isn't the most important thing! Your relationship with your children is. And you can have obedient children... who are willingly obedient. Not just forced into subjection. Best of all, you can enjoy peace at home! There is a special glitter in the eye of a child who just knows their momma enjoys them! I want all my children to "sparkle" like that!
|
Thoughts
|
|
|
|
|
Shared by
|
|
|
|
|
Shared by
|
|
|
|
|
Shared by
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Shared by 
