There are few things more frustrating than having a child that doesn't come when we call.

The Bible tells us that, as parents, we are to "train up" our children. Child training is just that. The training of a young soul. This includes and encompasses so very much. Our responsibilities as mothers are great. And all the work begins even before a child's first birthday. If we do our job carefully, and adequately, there should be very, very little need for punishment.

As the child ages, and matures, there will be different issues that crop up requiring attention. But if we've begun training early, and our child has learned to obey us in the small things... we will find it relatively simple to get them to obey us in the more involved and important things.

One of the very first things that you will want to train your child to do is to obey your call.

When a tiny crawler begins wandering away from you, he is already old enough to both choose to obey or disobey as well as to recognize his name. Now is the time to begin teaching your child to bend his will to yours. In a normal tone, a request for him to come to you should be expected to be obeyed.

If we're diligent as parents, it won't matter if they're 9 months old, ten years old or twenty. When we need one of our children, we can simply say their name, and they will come to us. We will find that we need not shout or hollar.

By teaching this one simple act of coming when called, we can:

1. Ensure the safety of our child. He will not wander or run off from us when it is most dangerous or unwise to do so.
2. Always know where the child is at, and what he is doing.
3. Expect prompt help with chores or other tasks.
4. Can all be seated at the table together in a short time, so we can enjoy our meal as a family.
5. Prevent chaos and stress in the household - as Mom and Dad will not be filled with frustration, anger or yelling.
6. Teach our children to respect our voice/commands. What Mom and Dad says, goes. Someday, they will (I believe) then be able to more easily heed the calling of the Lord, and obey His commands.

If we've failed in this one simple area of training, we might find ourselves growing in irritablility. We may yell. There will be threats and punishments. Discord. By teaching our children to come when they are called -- just this one little act of obedience -- we can expect other areas of obedience to fall into place just as easily.

What if our child is older, and they still do not come when they're called? What if we find ourselves raising our voice more than we ought? Is it too late to train? -- No, I do not think so. However, it might be more difficult than if we'd done it earlier. We must resolve to train our older child to learn to come immediately, and without question.

If you have a small child that is just beginning to learn that he is a separate individual... learning to crawl, climb stairs, or toddle, timing is ripe to begin training now! In fact, if your child is still small - younger than five years of age - your chances of fast success are wonderful!

You can do something the Pearls (see links at left for "No Greater Joy Ministries) recommend in their book, "To Train Up a Child" -- Booty Camp. Sounds cute. But it's serious business!

Pick a day, and find an activity or toy for your young child to get interested and involved in. Now, call him. Do not raise your voice. Just speak normally and plainly. "Come, [child's name]." If he doesn't come, or if he looks at you when you call him, but goes back to his play, get up. Go to him, take him by the hand and walk with him to where you had been seated, waiting for him, while repeating, "Come, [child's name]. When Mommy calls for you, you must come."

Repeat this once more with the same action if he doesn't obey.

After this, you can be quite sure that he understands what you expect of him. If he doesn't come the next time you call, go to him, switch him once and again take his hand and walk with him to where you'd asked him to go to you.

Do not raise your voice, or sound threatening. Do not appear or become angry. You are only training. You will find, as your child ages, that sometimes words of training need repeating dozens of times before your words are strictly adhered to as a fact of life!

Repeat, "Come, [child's name]", as many times as necessary, with one switch, until your small child comes immediately to you when you call.

If you have a child in a diaper, it will not suit to pat his bottom. There will be no stinging reason/sensation to help motivate him to decide he really should obey you, unless he has an unusually sensitive personality.

I grew quite tired of calling my one and a half year old to me, this last week. He would wander from me, in the mornings, when I try to keep the house quiet while my husband sleeps in. I like to have all the smaller children in the same room I am in, in order to oversee their play and keep them quiet for Daddy. But, amazingly, I would turn around for just a moment, and my little one would suddenly be in the bathroom getting into the toilet... or in the kitchen on a children's chair getting into the cookies... It is amazing how quickly those little people can move into trouble!

I decided to try "Booty Camp", as outlined above and in the Pearl's book. And, I can attest to the fact, it does work!

Now, if your children are older, you will have to adjust things a bit.

In our house, if one of the youngsters runs in the house, or comes down the stairs noisily, we have them go back to where they started and try again, properly. This usually gets annoying enough to them, that they more easily remember to do it right the first time. 

You do not want to illustrate fleshly anger to your older children. This is exactly what happens when you call one of them, and they either tell you, "later"... or pretend they do not hear you at all! -- We grow (understandably!) frustrated, and we end up yelling, throwing out idle threats, or distributing punishments we probably won't even end up enforcing or be able to carry out.

Sit down with your child(ren). Tell them, "I don't like to call your name, and have you refuse to come. I am your mother, and find that very disrespectful. You must come when Mom or Dad call you. Immediately. It bothers me greatly that I find myself getting angry at you, and I don't think it is right for me to yell, anymore. We're going to do things differently from now on."

I have had good results with a dinner bell to call the children for meals. We found one at a "Family Dollar" type store and got it for the children as a gift. It cost less than five dollars, and has really made a wonderful difference in our home. The youngsters thought it was great! Now, no one is yelling, "Time to eat! Time to eat!" at the top of their lungs. (In our larger family, having two to seven children all hollaring this same thing for "Daddy" made for a lot of noise and stress! I'd much rather have the one or two simple "clangs" from the bell to call everyone from each of the three stories of our house!)

I have also had decent results through clapping my hands once or twice to get the children's attention if I need all of them to quiet down and hear me ask for one in particular.

Some people have found a hand bell to be a great investment. Ring it when your child is needed, or when you want all your children to come. Decide how you will utilize it, and then discuss it with your children. I have discussed the use of one of these on another "topic" (see Taming The Tongue - Yelling At The Children - Part 1, at left), but it works equally well in this case!

There are those who love the "sports whistle". Some even have a unique pattern of blowing the whistle for each child. If you're good at it, and the sound doesn't bother you, perhaps whistling from your lips will work equally well.

If you utilize one of these techniques and your child still fails to come to you, you will have to decide how you will handle this. Make sure your child is made aware of your decision as well.

Some children are embarrassed at being treated, in any way, like a tiny child, and will avoid it at all costs. For this child, you might find going to them, as you would a toddler, and taking them by the hand saying "Come, dear. You need to come when I call you." enough.

Others, you will have to spank. This is willful disobedience. If you have asked them to come in a mild voice, and they have heard you and chosen to disobey, this must be stopped. Again, this isn't just about coming when called. It encompasses so many other areas of obedience.

You also must never allow your child to tell you to wait. "I'll be there when I'm done [fill in the blank]". -- Mother, use the switch.

(NOTE: It is vital that you not have an angry spirit. And I am not suggesting a whipping. But one or two stings on the bottom should suffice. He needs to learn Mom must be obeyed, has authority, and means business. Don't be "wishy washy". Diligently command obedience each time, every time, the first time.)

Afterward, once your child is dismissed, wait until they are in the other room, again. Now, call once more. Continue to repeat this process, and don't give up until you have immediate obedience. Offer your child a new task each time he arrives, or simply tell him, "Thank you for coming this time, [child's name]."

If your child is too old for spankings, chances are you've waited too long, period. Rebellion is set into his heart. He has grown up thinking he doesn't need to obey you. 

I suggest making special engagements with such a child. Spend more time with him "tying heart strings" as some suggest. Find activities to do with him. Show interest in the things he is interested in. 

If you have a disobedient, straying older child... I would safely guess coming when called to be one of your least concerns in comparison to other issues. If you are going to turn this child's life around so he doesn't stray completely away from you, from safety, and from God Himself... there needs to be a complete change in your relationship to him.

God bless you in your parenting efforts. Enjoy your children!

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