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If you're anything like me, you have difficulty keeping a meek and quiet spirit about you.
- The children get busy, and their play becomes noisy. Your voice rises to be heard above their fun.
- You need one of the children who are upstairs, or in another part of the house. You hollar their name.
- Two children are in the midst of a heated squabble. You lose your patience.
- Your child directly disobeys you, and in frustration, you yell...
How do we lower our voices, and develop patience? Is there ever a time when it's alright to be loud?
Something very humbling to me, has been to witness the growing-up of my children. Those very things I most dislike about myself become apparent in them. One of my teenagers, for example, has taken after my tendency to yell...
Some things I have found to be helpful are:
- To remember that NO situation ever warrants sin. "Be ye angry and sin not..." -- When we become frustrated in some way with our child(ren), it is important NOT to allow our flesh to "give vent". Doing so, would be sin. It isn't the anger that is bad, necessarily; it is what we choose to do with it.
- To CLAP my hands loudly once or twice to get the child(ren)'s attention. Then, I can quietly speak.
- Lower your voice (within sight of your happy brood!) if the noise level in the house is becoming too loud. Chances are your children will lower their own so they can hear what you're saying.
- Understand you might have to remind a child many times to lower his or her voice before it becomes habit not to yell when he or she talks.
- What you choose to do with the stress of any given situation will be a louder teacher than your words/instructions.
- Use a hand bell to call the children to you, and a dinner bell to call them to meals.
- If two siblings are in an argument, get up and separate them or otherwise solve the issue. Yelling from your chair will not help matters any, and will forfeit a wonderful training opportunity.
- If you tell your child not to do something, and he does it... go to him and discipline right away. Do not wait for the next time... Your frustration will increase and ineffective yelling will invariably occur.
- Pray. Read your Bible. Mark passages that are relevant to your own individual struggles with your tendency toward yelling and memorize them. Hiding the Word in our hearts, like Psalm 119 tells us, is a lamp to our feet!
As our children age, new difficulties will present themselves in dealing with the many parenting issues we must face. Without keeping close to God, we will never find victory. It will always be impossible in our own strength.
If you've already noticed a "mirror-image" of your own sin areas, in one or more of your children, you must sit down with them and talk simply and honestly with them. For example, if you're trying to stop yelling and develop a meekness that is pleasing to God, tell them about your struggle. Admit that your behavior has been wrong in the past, but with God's help you intend to change. Ask them to pray for you. Then, turn the focus on to them.
"I noticed that this is something you deal with too. I've been a poor example, and feel I've led you to think this was a normal and right way to react. But, this is something that really has made life difficult for me, as an adult. I don't want it to hurt your lives when you're older and are a wife and mother. So, I am going to help you to do better in this area, also."
Be careful not to look as though you are focusing on how "bad" they are. Make certain they know it is because you love them and want to spare them some of what you've gone through.
Some incentives you might use to help them might be:
- For one week, start the day with four quarters. Give them to your child as soon as they are dressed and ready to begin the day. Tell them whenever you hear them raise their voice, speak impatiently, or say something unkind to a sibling, they will need to give you one of their quarters. At the end of the day, they can keep whatever remains.
- Do a Bible study with your child on speech. You can easily incorporate this into their homeschooling lessons. At least once per day, give the child some time in their Bible, and meet with them to share what you have each gleaned. Sometimes "immersing" yourself in verses of a particular thread are helpful in making change happen.
- Pray with your child. At least once per day, sit down alone with your child and speak together with God. Each of you will take turns praying for the other, and for your own difficulties.
- Share a journal. This is something I have been doing with my two oldest children (ages 14 and almost 17). We use two hard bound journals (one for each of them), and pass them back and forth to one another. It's been a wonderful way to share and encourage eachother! I can express my concerns about things I see in them, and I can speak openly about my own sin areas. We can ask for prayer, or write prayers. I love to tell them what I appreciate in them. It's been a blessing.
We must always strive to be bearing fruits for our Lord. Part of this is learning to "tame our tongue" with the help of God. Yelling at our children, and filling our homes with the noise of our voice, is not illustrating a meek and quiet spirit. It is not humble. It speaks of self. And it will be adopted by our children, eventually.
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