Is having a large family asking for chaos?

No, not necessarily. It doesn't have to be unless you allow it!

What advice can I offer to you if you are struggling to organize your days and your family? What can you do to bring calm to your life?

Every year, or as changes have occurred in my family, I have had to adjust and make revisions to my lifestyle. I am always learning to more deeply organize, and how to better parent.

A new addition to our family always meant a simpler routine, and more relaxed atmosphere. Chores took a second, and the older children learned to help more. Schooling became more flexible for a time. We all were adjusting to one another, again, and later could create a "new routine".

A move often meant new chores, and a new environment offering new challenges. As things were unpacked and we made the new home truly ours, schooling again became more relaxed and no "schedule" was adopted. We had to wait until we knew what was needed, and then made proper adjustments.

A new job for my husband, or a change in shifts, often necessitated a new routine for the entire family, as well. We had to shift our homeschooling to begin and end at different hours, and my "deep cleaning" and chore time was moved to another part of the day, as well, to open up time for togetherness and family.

Life means change. And you must first of all be willing to accept that.

Now, let's take a look at your family in an objective manner.

Start with the children. Are you happy with their level of obedience? Should they be going to bed at a different time? Maybe they're getting up too late or too early in the morning? Are they diligent, and growing into adulthood through performing basic household chores and maintenance? Are they a help to you or a hinderance? Are they responsible? Do they "buckle down" and study as they ought, or do they "slide" through their studies in a haphazard fashion? Is the noise level deafening in your house? Do your children run and scream through the halls and rooms? Do they jump on the furniture and "climb the walls"?

Now, look at your household. Are you caught up with basics such as your laundry? The dishes? Tidying? Are the rooms nice and clean or are there areas you desire improvement? Would you be happy to have someone drop in right this minute for an unexpected visit? Would they be comfortable? Is there a place to sit? Do you know what you're making for breakfast, lunch and supper, today? Tomorrow? If your husband asked you what check number was used to pay this or that bill or what date the payment was sent out, could you instantly tell him? What if he told you he sold the car, and that he needs you to fetch the title for the new owner? Do you know where that, and other pertinent papers are located?

Take out a notebook and begin thinking about all of the areas you would like to have changed. Write them down. Include everything!

How can you remedy these things?

DISCIPLINE:

1. Read every book you can get your hands on, especially the Bible (It has a lot to say!), on godly parenting and loving discipline. There are so very many helpful, reliable sources online as well. Some I've listed on this page under "recommended websites". THIS TRULY IS HELPFUL! If you saturate yourself with these new ideas, they will come more easily. Don't wait to implement changes, do it immediately. AND DO NOT GIVE UP if you don't see the results you want, right away. It takes at least a month to create a new habit. And the children will test you, knowing you sometimes change "method". DON'T WAVER!
2. Make sure the children all go to bed at a reasonable hour, and enforce it. Don't make exceptions. If they fuss, ignore it. If they get out of bed, put them back with a spank if necessary. If they call you for a dozen different reasons, don't allow it. Within a week of YOUR BEING FIRM and unyielding, it will become habit. Trust me.
3. Make sure the children rise at a decent hour every morning, and don't let them make you play "chef" for breakfast! -- If they sleep in too late, wake them gently and tell them with a smile it is time to start the new day. If they wake too early, don't be afraid to tell them to lie back down for a while. "When the sun comes up," you can tell them, "then you may wake me." or, "When the little hand on this clock points to the '7', then you can come to Mom and Dad's room". Some families allow quiet play in the children's bedroom if the children are older. Take away this privelege if they cannot be respectfully quiet, however. When you do rise, let them know what is on the breakfast menu, today. Don't allow "options". If you have a large family, you could very well have seven people having seven different morning meals. This is chaos and depletes your grocery resources. It is wasted money, and creates selfish, unthankful children. We rotate oatmeal, toast and peanut butter, fresh-baked muffins, waffles or pancakes, french toast, eggs and toast, and cold cereal, here at our house. If there is complaining, tell the youngster that is fine if he doesn't want to eat, today. It is unlikely they will react so unthankfully, tomorrow.
4. Talk to your husband and make sure you're both in agreement on issues of what is allowed and not allowed in your house. Shall you put a stop to running? Slamming doors? Lack of cheerful obedience? Is there a problem with sharing? Siblings arguing with one another? Hitting? Create a set of rules, discuss them with the children, post them if you wish, and STICK WITH THEM. If you "slide" even once, the children will not learn obedience!
5. Schoolwork should have it's own time for doing. What routine do you have, or want to have? Have a time set aside for correcting. Have a time set aside for the children to perform "seatwork". Do not allow bad attitudes, laziness, or half-baked work. You are their teacher, and you must have standards. Push them at their level, but not beyond. Watch them carefully and learn what styles of learning best suits them, and what specific interests they have in science, history, geography, etc... to make learning more enjoyable and fruitful.

HOUSEWORK:

1. Go room to room and in a notebook, list every chore that needs doing. Make mention if it's a "weekly", "daily", "monthly", "annual" or "bi-annual" job. Create a routine from this on a spreadsheet, so each month, you can jot down the jobs you will do on your calendar.
2. Put together a "household binder". I cannot encourage this enough. I am NOT a list person like my wonderful mother. I've tried it and failed many, many times. I find, too, that "routines" and "schedules" never really "stuck" when I attempted to plan my days and weeks on paper. But when I took a long, serious, honest, hard look at what my days are *presently* BEFORE trying to put together a routine on paper, THAT WORKED. Don't aspire too high! You will only frustrate yourself! Write down whatever routine you notice your life normally follows, first. THEN organize the "necessaries" around this. You will be more successful! Also, if you know your energy plummets in the late afternoon, make SURE you have the majority of your work DONE (including supper meal prep!) before that time. Use the later hours of the day for things such as reading to the children, or doing an activity as a family. Include a DAILY chore to focus on as well. For example, Mondays here, I focus on laundry.
3. Include not only a daily routine in your binder, but think HARD on the things that you find cause you the most trouble. Are you forever forgetting business addresses and phone numbers? Do you misplace bills or important documents? What are the areas you feel most disorganized? CREATE A PLACE FOR THIS INFORMATION IN YOUR FOLDER!!! A lot of ladies have everything from articles to artwork in their binders. Mine is more "bare bones". When I tried, in the past, to include those "extras", I found the folder rarely used. It was too bulky and contained things I didn't NEED. In my own "household binder, when you open it up, you have a zippered pouch that includes postage stamps, a few envelopes, a pen, some "post it" stickies, and some return address labels. These are things I used to constantly find myself RUMMAGING for. "Where in the world ARE they!?" -- Next, I have my daily routine (I do not include TIMES as this makes me feel pressured. I do have "morning", "afternoon", "late afternoon/evenings" as headers on a ONE PAGE routine sheet, however. Following this, I have my DAILY chore sheet. What I focus on, on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, etc... Then, there are three notebooks. I used card stock to cut, label and tape "tabs" for easy finding of separate categories of information. My first notebook, for example has "tabs" that help me locate bills/payments information; business phone numbers and addresses; friends/family phone numbers and addresses; birthdays and anniversaries; "Vital Information" -- social security numbers, account numbers, etc... Another notebook focuses on homeschooling and activities to do with, and books read to, the children. The third notebook is mine... I have my menu planning section, a corresponding set of shopping lists, my reading list, wish list, etc...
4. Use whatever resources the Lord has blessed you with to make your home attractive, restful and pretty! A little candle here, or a flower placed there really does make a difference.

You really can make your home a haven of peace. Home can be a place where YOU want to be and your HUSBAND wants to be! Even your children will welcome the change, because it truly will mean a happier, more joyful and content mother. Everyone will notice your increase in patience, energy and cheerfulness. It is the DISORDER and CHAOS that lack of discipline and organization has on a person that causes negativity, unhappiness and discontentment.

One last note of warning -- if you are not first of all connected to the Lord through prayer and the reading of His word, you will fail. You are leaning on your own strength. It is hard work to be a successful, godly wife, parent and homemaker. You need Him!

And, never, ever neglect to put your marriage as top priority. Without a cheerful, submissive and respectful attitude toward your husband all of the other "surface work" will be in vain. You can easily have children that appear to be obedient, and a house that is clean and organized, but your husband cannot stand to be there and your children are very unhappy.

God bless you as you create a HOME in your home!

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