Homestead Refuge

Reaching the Heart of your Child

I attended so many great workshops this weekend, I don't even know where to begin.  The topic of reaching the hearts of my children has been on my heart for awhile.  I refuse to accept the fact that teenagers are just going to be teenagers and there is nothing I can do about it.  I refuse to accept the fact that I can't have a good, trusting relationship with my children because they are in the teen years.  I am not naive enough to believe my children will never do anything wrong or take risks I don't approve of, I just believe that we can still have love, trust and respect for each other as they grow into young adults.  I attended many different workshops this weekend and believe God was telling me I am not out of line in my thinking.  Even though the topics of the workshops were different and I chose them thinking they were about something else, they all made some kind of reference to training the hearts of our children.  I believe God was trying to tell me something and I decided I had better listen.  I will share some of my notes from one of the workshops, this one was from Rebbecca Ingram Powell.  I will not do it the justice it deserves I am sure but maybe I can share at least something that will encourage you as she did me.

She spoke of how the Bible discusses discipline and it is always with the rod and reproof, not just the rod.  (Prov 22:15 and Prov 29:15)  She said the reason we need to reach the heart of child is because sin is found and abounds there (Mark 7: 21,22).  We will never lose the capacity to sin but we want to lose the desire to sin. 

The worldly methods of child training

1. putting our needs & conveniences first (this is when we don't stop what we are doing to correct the situation appropriately)

2. repeating instructions (usually my tone gets louder with each repition, does yours?)

3. threatening (Matt 5:37)   If you don't ________, then I'm going to ________

4. reasoning with the child (Col 2:8), we do not have to explain why we do everything we do, we are the parent

Methods to reach the heart of our child

1. inspect the situation - ask heart probing questions (example: Are you putting your brothers needs before your own when you take the toy from him?)

2. identify the wrong behavior - call it what it is (sin), selfishness, whining, complaining, revenge, etc. (Matt 23:25,26,28) reproof

3. instruct your child - don't make it an issue of justice (well who had the toy first), make it an issue of selfishness (isn't it better to make your brother happy than to have the toy)

4. imagine the right way to behave - give them a way out of their sin (the right thing to do); encourage them to "put on" the good behavoir; use scripture references such as "Honor one another above yourself" Rom 12:10

By training the child in righteousness we are teaching them the word of God, showing them how they have violated God's word and coaching them to change through example (our's and God's).

If we train their hearts while they are young, they will know how to make decisions when they get older.  They will be able to think of God's word and how He would have them to respond.

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I know that my notes and comments are nowhere close to being at the workshop but maybe there is something in here God can use to speak to your heart.  I purchased the book "Don't Make me Count to Three", it is what the workshop was based on.  So, as I read the book, I will continue to share any insight or encouragement I receive from it. 

What are your thoughts about reaching the hearts of your children?

Blessings,

Rashel

**edited to add:  She also pointed out that we have to make sure our hearts or right with God.  We need to ask ourselves the same questions.  Are we putting our needs first or our husband's or our children's?  If you try to train your child when your heart is not following the word of God, your child will know and it will turn him from you.  This was really convicting to me.