Carrie's Country Cottage

Step-Blessings

It has been a little over a month since my step-son came to stay with us.  He had been earning failing grades for the past 3 years while living at his mother's home.  So, it was decided that if he had failing grades for the first semester of this (2007-2008) school year that he would be sent here (his dad's house) to work on lessons with us for 6 months and then go home.  I am having a very hard time with all of this for a number of reasons.  I will try to share with you were I am at and still remain respectful toward all people involved.  (That is a standard that I set for myself when I started to blog -- I want to share our lives with dear friends and family members that are geographically seperated from us.  I want my words to lift up and encourage others that may be in similar situations.  I do NOT want to use this forum to tear down anyone.  So, if now or in the future I say something that is hurtful, please let me know so that I may evaluate my motives behind the comment and remidy the situation.  Thanks!)

I have always struggled with the self-righteousness of thinking that I am the perfect mom and that I have perfect children.  Not that I ever put it into those words.  I just find myself on a regular basis thinking:  "I cannot believe that anyone would let their child (fill in the blank)."   So, the idea of having to (patiently) work through someone else's "failures" with their child has made me come face-to-face with that heart issue (okay it is SIN) of mine.  My step-blessing has been taught to aspire to a different set of standards than what my Manly and I are trying to insill in our children.  I am needing to evaluate "Why do we have (such and such) standard?"  and  "Is their (such and such) standard a preference issue or a sin issue?"  I am needing to stop judging the preferences and only make an issue out of the sin items.  

Before my step-blessing came to live with us I had been having difficulty keeping up with having one more student this year.  I seemed to always be 3 steps behind and unable to figure out how to catch up.  (I think the 6 weeks we got behind with Manly's illness at the start of the school year is what started it all.)  So, adding yet one more student has truely been a challenge.  I am finding myself frusterated at my step-blessing for me not being able to complete my list each day.  I am trying to gauge my sucess on a man-made list of what is expeced of me (how foolish is that?) and when it is not met at the end of the day I become frusterated with the one I feel caused the short-coming.  Frusteration:  Isn't that simply selfish anger?  Sounds like another sin issue in MY heart.     

So, I have decided to search out the positive not only in the life of my step-blessing, but also in the situation.  Having my step-blessing here has:  1.) enabled him to see us live out our faith.  He does not have that exposure at him mom's home;  2.) forced our other children to hold firm on their convictions and not allow other people's choices to influence them (this is a tough one);  3.)  provided my Manly and I the opportunity to explain why we do what we do (in regards to homeschooling, tithing, single income home, home industry, etc.);  4.) showed me more clearly where their is SIN in my heart.  I need to let go of anger and allow God to fill in the missing years / understanding between SB and Manly & I; 5.) has helped me to evaluate my own motives behind not only what I say about other people, but also what I THINK.   

Looks like I have discoved a number of areas that I can improve in my own heart (and I am sure we are just getting started).  Self-evaluation sure can get icky and sticky!   

That was a lot of rambling and if I lost you in all that I understand.

I pray that your home will abound with health and happiness.

Blessings;

Carrie

Hi

09:15, Thursday, March 13, 2008 .. Posted by busybeemama

Carrie, I admire the way you sort things out and try to be blameless. You carry a heavy load of responsibilities. It's so hard to achieve balance and complete those to do lists. It sounds to me like you are doing good considering all you handle. I'll be praying for you!