The Prayer of Faith

My dream is large. My time is not.

I have the childish tendency to want what I want right NOW. Once I decide on a course of action don't bog me down with details like patience, preparation, and God's perfect timing. Don't tell me it would be imprudent to go from a townhouse, with no pets, and no yard maintenance required; to the 100 acres of forests and farmland, gardens and livestock that I long for.

God has promised to take my by the hand and lead me to land, and I will wait patiently, and know the home he provides me with will be the perfect and seemly one for my family and myself; our health, and sanity. I will be content and productive where I am, finding ways to prepare for the promised blessings.(instead of sinking into despair and inactivity)

Step #1: My goal for spring: have space to plant a garden, and keep a pet.

That simple goal won't take much space, and it is reasonable for me to be able to accomplish. With a new baby coing in the sping, I won't want to take on too much; but a small garden, and one dog (?) should be doable.

I keep telling myself that I can wait until spring, yet the thought of another long cold winter stuck in this dark, small apartment almost panicks me. I don't know if I can take another such winter. Especially being pregnant. I suffered, last winter, from depression like I have never known. Which was in part due to being stuck inside. The wind here is so cold and cutting, that you cannot bundle up against it. It lashes out all winter long, whipping savagely across these plains. The snow is so dry you can't really play in it, it dosen't pack for snowballs, or snowmen, and when you try to sled, you sink to the bottom.

Now I am rambling on and bringing fear and despair back. I will trust the Lord. He has promised me deliverance, and I will hold to that. "Look to God in every thought, doubt not, fear not."