Home Sweet Simple Home

Bad Fridge, a loaner & no water in sink faucet

Bad News:
My fridge never cooled down low enough to put my food back in it after the repairman left yesterday. At 9:30 pm last nite it was still registering 60 degrees in my fridge.  Unbelievable. So another nite of buying ice and filling coolers in my kitchen.
Good News:
The appliance store came and picked up my fridge today. I refrained from kicking it. Just. Thankfully they brought me a loaner fridge until mine is fixed. The loaner fridge is a lot like a loaner car- just enough to get you by until yours is fixed. I am praying it gets fixed quickly we have 35 people coming over here for the 4^th of July . . . . .
It runs which is all that is necessary at this point.
I was able to cram everything into it, which is also good.
Mr. Steady’s brother is coming over tonite to begin the cement work on the foundation on the backside of the house.
It’s about 10 degrees cooler today also.
This all does much for my frame of mind and state of being.
Last night, when the water in the upstairs sink came out as barely a trickle, I just went to bed and cried and cried. I felt completely undone.
I was exhausted physically and mentally.
Mr. Steady held me and reminded me that everything is fixable; that we’ll be okay.
I am taking things one day at a time.
I can’t do any more than that.
This is yet another reminder that I cannot but God can and sometimes it means just sitting back and being still.
God be with me.

Mini-disasters and where my help comes from

My help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:2

Oh, Lord do I need your help.
It seems like so many things are going ba-zonkers and not much of anything is going right.
Including my perspective.
The new fridge won’t stay cold and the freezer above it is suppose to be frost-free but has 2 inches of snow. I am now using 2 coolers again after 2 gallons of milk were spoiled plus other foodie items of not near as much importance.
I painted an entire room earlier this week. Our soon-to-be schoolroom.
Then I found out that I used latex paint over oil-based paint.
It nicks and peels and it’s awful.
Just plain awful.
I look at the whole room and I know I don’t have it in me to scrape and strip all that paint off of every surface. I’m just going to have to live with it. Every little nick and mark and scrape.
The schoolroom also has an outside door that we have never used because its broken. Mr. Steady got a new free door and decided to start working on replacing the old one.
This required him to take off the bottom two pieces of siding on the house which led him to find carpenter ants and rotting wood. Not good.
He found this out on Saturday and since then 2 green tarps have been nailed up to the backside of the house while he figures out what to do.
After having consulted a few good remodeling guys who advocate “do it yourself”, he has decided to remove the rotted wood, spray for the ants and fill it all in with concrete. One of his brothers is coming over to help with this tomorrow nite.
Last night as he was knocking out some of the rotted board he found the telephone line that we now know wraps all the way around the house to the other side- except that he found it by accident when he pulled it out and split it with the hammer claw. So we had no phone.
I found this out after bringing the kiddos home from a cousin’s VBS, at 9 pm. He wanted me to place a call on my cell phone.
Bad news- I had let the minutes just about run out on my phone because we had been discussing buying a new one since the phone barely holds a charge anymore.
And so I went over to the neighbor’s to get online and order more minutes feeling like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Did I mention that its been in the mid-90s the past few days and with all the extra work Mr. Steady has been unable to take the time to put in the air conditioner and its too big a job for me to do myself?
Recap: no air, it’s hot, fridge not working right, coolers in my kitchen, it’s hot, rotting boards on the house with a partially ripped out door, a newly painted room where the new paint is peeling, it’s hot and did I mention we don’t have the air conditioner in?
My attitude about all of this has been “borderline” at best. When I’ve been asked how I’m doing, I really want to reply, “I’m hot and I’m cranky and there are coolers in my kitchen again.” So far I’ve only actually said it once to my mom and once to my husband.
It is all getting to Mr. Steady too. Last nite when I broached the subject of putting in the air conditioner he snapped at me. Something which he never hardly-if-ever does. He shook his head and simply said, “I’m sorry. I’m overwhelmed.”
Me too.
I know the Lord is near. I know He is aware of what we are facing and how we are feeling. He knows the bottom line to our finances, or sanity and so much more. I want to ask, “Why?” but quickly on the heels of that comes, “Why not?”
In all honesty, mine are just a bit of little nuisance-y problems stacked in a pile all at once. They aren’t “major”. They aren’t catastrophes or even mini-disasters (okay, the whole oil to latex paint thing could be considered a mini-disaster).
I do not doubt that His grace is sufficient for me and that His mercies never fail.
I’ve failed.
I’ve failed to worry and fret not.
I’ve failed to remain calm.
I’ve failed to trust Him completely no matter what.
But no more.
I may whine a bit, because I do and it’s still hot.
But I will press on. I will tackle what I can with God’s help and let the rest slide.
Priorities.
Scraping, sanding and painting are not priorities when it’s 88 degrees in the house and so humid. They are also not priorities when there are other things in your itty bitty budget and buying more paint isn’t one of them- instead you find you need a lot of cement.
Cement= fixed back wall of house. Much bigger priority.
Even bigger than getting the air conditioner put in.
I have failed to prioritize these last few days.
I am reminded of the importance of committing my day to the Lord when I wake up and ask Him to help me prioritize my day.
I am reminded of where my help comes from.

My help comes from the LORD.

Doing the Hard Thing

Sometimes what seems like a hard task when it is begun ends up being not so difficult after all.
As I have wrapped up my years in youth ministry and we’ve now wrapped up schooling for this past year . . . . . I’ve been turning my thoughts towards continuing on with my hopes and plans and learning on the subject of Hospitality.
I have mentioned this nudging I am feeling in this area in previous posts- about stepping out of my comfort zone in showing hospitality to my neighbors last summer and fall but I found myself shrinking back into my cave when winter set in.
As I’ve “closed up shop” in so many different areas of my life these last couple of months, I felt the nudging returning and started jotting down ideas for how I could share hospitality in simple, frugal ways . . . .
One of the most simple and frugal being a simple note.
Not hard at all.
Unless you feel God nudging you to send a note to someone you are not having the kindest feelings towards at the present time.
That’s what happened to me.
I had the thought to send out a couple of “Thinking of You” cards to others and as I was doing it- the nudge came.
Seeings how I was just praying this morning for God to soften my heart towards this person and to help me forgive this person . . . . I figured this was God’s way of “getting the ball rolling”.
I decided to go out and use one of the new note cards I just purchased yesterday and knew that while my words should be few and sweet that my best bet was to simply enclose a scripture and the words, “Thinking of you.”
Here is the scripture the Lord lead me to:
Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all His benefits. Blessed be the Lord, Who daily loads us with benefits. ~Psalm 103:2, 68:19

Writing the card was in no way a struggle. It was peaceful. As I sealed it, I knew I meant what I said and a small piece of me that was hard fell away. I thanked God for His work in me and admitted to Him and myself that it wasn’t nearly as hard to start as I had originally thought.

One day at a time, Jesus, I’ll take it as it comes each day.

Photo: wonderful little note cards picked up for $1/8 cards at Target yesterday.

Overwhelming in more than one way

There are moments some days that are overwhelming.
The overwhelming can be good- swamping you with joy
Or
It can just about bring your to your knees with the strength of fret and worry and dismay.
Guess which one I experienced yesterday?
Both.
Highs and lows.
Mountains and valleys.
The day didn’t start out with the planned special pancake breakfast followed up by attending our little village’s Memorial Day parade.
It was spent fiddling with and cleaning out our fridge/freezer.
It stopped working.
I washed and cleaned the freezer on Saturday.
Seems water must have gotten into something.
It hadn’t “kicked on” since Saturday. Light worked though so I didn’t notice until Sunday nite.
At 11 o’clock at night.
Monday Morning- Mr. Steady was working on the back as I was cleaning out the front. I filled up two coolers with food plus another large borrowed cooler and added a large almost $5 bag of ice. Three grocery bags, 2 small boxes and a laundry basket of other fridge items was packed up to put in the fridge at the little farm next to my parents that we help them “caretake”.
So there I was picturing our emergency fund dwindle down to nothing in my minds eye, trying to figure and calculate the items we’d need for the next few days, packing and repacking ice chests for maximum usage, cleaning as I went, packing the food to go to the farm fridge, trying to make the items I was taking to the family cook-out and feed the kids (cold cereal) and on and on and on.
I felt swamped in the overwhelming-ness of it all. Engulfed.
I sat on a cooler, fighting the need to breakdown in a real good cry and instead just focused a minute or so on breathing- in and out, in and out.
I reminded myself that God was in this moment just like any other and that He never gives me more than I can handle. I told myself that I had to stop looking at the big messy picture and focus on the one thing to do right now and then the next and the next, breaking it down into smaller manageable pieces in my mind’s eye.
I reminded myself to be thankful for everything.
I made a list in my head:
I am thankful that we do have an emergency fund in place for this emergency.
I am thankful it happened on the weekend when Mr. Steady was able to help me.
I am thankful for ice coolers and a big kitchen.
I am thankful to my brother for bringing over his coolers for us to use also.
I am thankful that we have an “extra” fridge available to us at the little farm to help us out in this emergency.
I am thankful that this is really a small inconvenience in the grander scheme of things.

In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. ~1 Thessalonians 5:18

Being able to put things in perspective gave me the momentum I needed to get up and go on. We enjoyed a lovely day with our family and left the fridge and it’s troubles at home.
In the early evening my mom took the kiddos and I on a gator ride thru the woods and to the “froggy” pond. Sitting there on a stump, looking at all the beauty around me, hearing the birds and frogs and watching my children enjoy themselves in the midst of it all overwhelmed me with such joy that I simply had to bow my head and tell the Lord thank you for His grace, His mercy and His incredibly goodness.
I am so very blessed.
I must not forget that.
Ever.

Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith. ~Hebrews 10:22a~

4 and counting

4 more days.
I have worship team practice at church this evening.
My last.
Tomorrow nite is my last church board meeting.
My last monthly reports to the board.
The last time I have to do a financial report for the ministry.
Friday nite is one of “my kid’s” ball games- I plan on attending.
Saturday nite is the “good-bye” party that we aren’t calling a “good-bye party”.
And Sunday is my last day.
Mother’s Day.
Difficult.
Mr. Steady has been wonderful.
Each nite, he has written me a little note to read the next morning.
He encourages me and reminds me that he is praying for me and counting down the days until I will be “all home”.
This feels so strange to me.
I will be done but not done.
Just because I resign doesn’t mean that there is a switch inside me that I can flick off and “not do” youth ministry anymore-- That I won’t be interested in youth and their lives and still be concerned about the ones I have had in my group.
The bible studies.
Goofy games.
The discussions.
So many things, feelings/emotions, thoughts, that can’t be boxed up like the books and CDs.
It’s a tough week.
And I am wondering . . . .
Will next week be better?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths smooth.
~ Proverbs: 3:5-6

Holding my hand & leading me

You are holding my right hand.
You will keep on guiding me with Your counsel,

Leading me to a glorious destiny.

~Psalm 73:23-24 NLT

RESTore

I have found myself thinking on this:
RESTore.
I believe I need a bit of restoration.
Of my spirit, heart and body.
As I mentioned in an earlier post- I’ve been grey and dreary.
I’ve let all of this “stuff” sink in and affect me. It is a difficult transition but I don’t need to be wallowing in the difficulties of it.
Mr. Steady has often told me that I think too much and overanalyze way too much.
I agree with him. Don’t like it-- but I agree.
I have often wondered how he does it- how he can brush off the worry and ignore the waiting and “let it ride”.
He says it’s probably a man-thing.
I have taken to watching him as he rests and relaxes- trying to see “how to do it”. In my quest for rest, I have noticed that my husband very rarely brings home stresses from work or lets things get him ruffled. I have noticed that he doesn’t let our current church situation consume him as I do. He is a wonderful example of faithfully believing that God will steer us in His direction.
Currently, I am trying to teach myself to rest under my husband’s protection and his leading of this family. It has only been these last couple of days that I have begun to work consciously to push aside those worries that gnaw at me, to stop the “what if” situations I play in my head all too often . . . .
I have always been a Worst Case Scenario person- picturing the worst possible outcome, figuring if I can live with it or not and then proceeding.
A slightly pessimistic attitude for sure. This, at times, drives Mr. Steady up the wall.
How does faith and hope fit in with this Worst Case Scenario profile? At times it is very difficult. I don’t often allow myself to think of the best possible thing that could happen because I don’t want to be disappointed when it doesn’t- or worse yet, miserable when things go from bad to worse and I’m sitting in the midst of the worst case scenario. I’ve told Mr. Steady I see my approach as being “ready for trouble”. He gives me a strange look when I tell him that.
So this is where I stumble in my faith walk. I believe God wants to give me great gifts, that He desires to bless me and yet I don’t want to visualize any of it because “it” can fall short of hopeful expectations. Which tends to squash faith doesn’t it? Which then leads me down the road of dwelling in the negative.
Big Bummer.
I am a contradiction because I have ceased to worry about the financial aspect of the changes going on. I have come full circle in being obedient to God’s call to resign and believe totally that He will make $ends$ meet for us. And it is full circle because 18 months ago I was in the depths of despair over our financial situation and even though I felt God calling me to step away from my job, I kept saying that I couldn’t/wouldn’t because financially we would never ever make it. The thought continued to frighten me when I consulted another youth pastor last November and he told me to step down and I squawked, “What about the kids? What about the money?” and his response was, “Where’s your faith? Step down and step out! God will provide.” I felt frozen. Head knowledge couldn’t meet heart woes.
Until December when God hit me with a 2x4 to make it clear to me what needed to be done. That is when I ceased worrying about the money.
I would prefer that it not take the proverbial 2x4 again to get my head on straight this time.
And so I am finding myself a wee little bit laughable when I think that I am trusting God with our family, our home and the finances and yet won’t yield Him control of the church situation?
Why can’t I get past the trouble in my church? Why can’t I come to grips with the fact that we may not go back? Why does it matter so much?
And why have over 50% of my conversations over the past how-many-months been about this?
It’s people-pleasing.
I have got to get past this people-pleaser problem because that is the root of this mess, in my opinion. I hate the thought of people being disgusted and disappointed with me.
It’s time to get over it, woman!
It is time to be restored.

From Grey to Bright and Beautiful

The grey-ness of the last week or so seems to have seeped right into me. I didn’t realize how much until I sat to do my devotions this morning and felt the warm sun on my face and body. When I closed my eyes I still could see that pink light under my eyelids . . . . so bright and beautiful. And warm.
Sitting here in the quiet with the sun and God, I thought of how grey and dull and worn-out I’d been feeling. I’ve known God was near these grey, dreary days but I didn’t feel the light of Him.
And then came this morning- dark was turned to light.
I read this quote this morning—it is so very fitting:
Be with me in my silence and in my speech,
in my haste and in my leisure,
in my company and in solitude,
in the freshness of the morning
and in the weariness of the evening.
~ John Baille
I know the Lord is always with me and I know the grey-ness I have been feeling is somewhat due to dreary weather but mostly to the myriad of changes going on right now in my life and my own inability to control those changes. I really don’t like not being in control and tend to begin to pout and withdraw the longer things are out of my control. I also tend to whine about it all and if I am not careful my whining and complaining can turn to gossip as I air my opinions of all the undercurrents that have brought me to this point.
Now, that’s enough to make a person feel grey. But- in doing so, in perpetuating this, I am choosing to wallow in the grey.
Today I am choosing not to.
Today, in the quiet of this morning I was able to simply be. It started out because I was worn and didn’t know what to say this morning- so I eased back and let the sun wash over me and felt it’s warmth and then a change began . . . .
I felt the warmth, the glory of God, seeping into all the grey cracks and pushing it all away. I felt lighter, I felt the joy of His amazing presence.
I didn’t have to say anything, I didn’t need to fill the silence.
I just simply needed to be.
Something I know God has been working on teaching me for quite some time. And today I learned it a little bit better.
The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
~ Lamentations 3:25

It always has been- Is change coming?

My church has been “my” church my entire life.
It has also been my father’s church his whole life (minus years away @ college).
My great-grandfather started the church.
I am fourth generation of my family in this church.
I met my husband at church (when I was about 2 yrs).
I was dedicated to the Lord as a baby in this church.
I became a “certified” member of the church when I was a teen.
I was baptized in this church.
I was married in this church.
I have dedicated all 3 of my children in this church.
My oldest has now been baptized in this church.
My parents and my in-laws attend this church.
Three of Mr. Steady’s brothers and their families attend this church.
My oldest and my youngest children have uncles as their Sunday School teachers.
I don’t need to go into detail of how involved we are in our church.
But I do want to mention that church has never been a “Sunday Thing” for my family. I was raised that you offer your time and talents to the church.
It is a good thing.
I say all this in order to shed more light on how incredibly hard this time has been for me.
Things have been difficult for a very long while and my eyes are being made to see that resigning from my job may not be enough. My accountability partner has often admonished me to come to understand that while our family will leave after my last day as youth director and take a sabbatical, that God may not call us back after that sabbatical.
Mr. Steady and I firmly believe that God is calling us away and will keep us away as long as He deems necessary. Others have asked us for a time frame- when we think we’ll be back at church and our response is that we’ll come back when God calls us to. Of course, we still get pressed for an actual date.
I have always heard my accountability partner say the words, “He may not call you back” and I say, “Yeah, I know. I know.”
I didn’t know.
I still don’t know.
As the weeks have progressed more things are coming to light that may make it very hard for our family to come back to our home church.
I am the oldest of 3 children. We have all felt this church was our home- staying on into adulthood. The youngest of us, my sister, was the first to leave the church- 2 years ago when she got married at age 27. Not a big deal . . . . you expect that. My brother left for awhile after college, when he had a job 2 hours away but he felt pulled to come back and after 2 years away he and his wife moved back here- back home and back to the home church.
And then at the end of last November something changed.
My brother shared with me that he and his family would be attending a different church for the holidays and he didn’t know if they’d be back after.
They haven’t been back.
Why did they leave? Lots of reasons . . . . being asked to do, do, do and being snubbed when they didn’t “do”, conflicts with leadership, upset at the treatment he would see that I often received in my church roles, general dissatisfaction etc. But yet not very “general”-- as it was a very difficult decision for him to make for himself and his family. After all, that church has been just as much home for him as it has been for me. It was painful and he struggled with it for months and then it happened.
Our family reeled from the shock and didn’t talk about it much. I talked with him because I understood some of what he was feeling but we didn’t talk as a family because it was so painful for my father. I could tell him that I agreed with him making the right and best decision for his family but I have missed worshiping with him and his family.
A month or so ago, he mentioned to me that while he loves the church they are attending, it isn’t home. He still feels that our church is his home church . . . . .
I listened and agreed but I don’t think I really listened until last week.
I had the most wonderful conversation with my brother and his wife. I believe God opened my eyes to really see. I not only heard him say he was happy but saw in him that he truly is. They enjoy their church, their stomachs don’t tie up in knots thinking of going to church, they don’t dread going but are very excited. He said that Sundays have a whole new feeling now and he likes it very much. Sundays don’t start with gloom and doom but joy.
And since that conversation with my brother, God has been moving in my heart even more. While I have stated that I am “open to the possibility” that we may not be called back to our church- the reality is the opposite. I haven’t been open- all I can think about is how much it would hurt not to worship with my parents and in-laws, to not be with the church family I have known my whole life- people whose lives mean so much to me, how it may hurt/affect my children, how it would hurt my parents.
There is another reason I have not allowed myself to be open to the possibility, because I already feel a bit of a tug towards another church. This church has become like a 2^nd church family to us. The transition would be easy in many ways- my children already have great friends that go there- Mr. Steady and I have friends that go there. We enjoy the pastor and I have formed a wonderful prayer bond with his wife (through us both attending Women of Faith together). The church is healthy and growing, including its children’s and youth programs. It sounds wonderful doesn’t it? Too wonderful, too easy.
Now let me share something trifling that happens to carry a bit too much weight. This church is of our denomination and is located only 12 minutes from our church. There has been an intense men’s softball team rivalry between the 2 churches for years. My father-in-law does not speak kindly about this church (granted he doesn’t speak kindly about a whole lot) and would not look kindly on us going there. My brother wouldn’t even consider it when they began “church hunting”. Such a dumb thing but yet its there and would be something we would have to deal with. It feels dumb to even write about it but it is what it is.
Anyhoo- this is a long convoluted post to say that our problem is a long and convoluted problem.
To wrap it up- I am beginning to see that God may not call us back and I’m not sure how to deal with all that entails. It hurts. A lot.

To Remember

Very Hardest part

The very hardest part of giving up my job is the youth I am leaving.
Letting go of these kids that I dearly love has been an incredible struggle.
I have a new understanding of when God tells us to let go of good things.
Those kids are good things.
But I have come to realize, just as a dear reader remarked in a comment, that those kids have become like idols to my heart. I wasn’t listening to God calling me to step away because those kids and my feelings for them were in the way.
I kept telling God- “I can’t quit! Those kids need me! We’re losing volunteers left and right- there isn’t anyone to take care of them! I have to stay!”
Delayed obedience is disobedience.
Yikes.
This last year I was disobeying- I wasn’t listening. When my own children do this to me it drives me nuts! About makes me want to pull my hair out and yet . . . . I was doing the same thing to God. Like a petulant child that thought she knew more than her parent.
This last year has been very difficult for me in youth ministry and I now realize (with that wonderful thing called hindsight) it was because it was no longer what God wanted me to be doing. I knew it in my head and that conflicted with my heart. I let my emotions for those kids overrule God.
These final weeks are hard- it hurts something fierce to be hurting these kids but I realize I would be hurting them (and myself) all the more if I stayed.
I have hurt my own little family this past year by staying on. I cannot let my love for those youth override the love and ministry I am called to right here at home.
Amazingly enough- that last sentence has been very difficult for me to really come to terms with. It is so often easy to let family play second fiddle to ministries that are seen and heard—where you are weighed and measured by many and expectations are high. I worked hard and harder not to fall short in others eyes and yet, here at home where it counted most, I was continually falling short. It is easiest to fall short at home- they’re your family, your kids and they have to stay with you, they can’t leave because they don’t like you like the youth at church. I don’t have to answer for dwindling numbers at home, they can’t dwindle- I’m safe. At home, if devotions fall flat we move on- I don’t stew—if someone doesn’t agree with how I do things it doesn’t matter, they do them anyway. At home, if I don’t get to a project or don’t follow thru on someone else’s great idea—it’s not hashed out at board meeting and/or the pastor doesn’t talk with me about it—if it doesn’t get done at home or  I don’t want to do it- it just doesn’t happen- period. So in the regards of public ministry and home, well, obviously it’s been easier to “fail” at home. Mostly.
Because that doesn’t last forever- I’ve seen it happen to other ministering families, your family begins to crumble and fall apart. Your family can only get the “short end of the stick” for so long before there is permanent damage.
And while I feel I have no “serious offenses” against me in my family (due to my husband helping me) there have been many little infractions.
I have always known that the ministry I have at home to my family is the most important ministry God will ever give me. Through God’s guidance and opening my eyes, I have seen that and made many necessary adjustments to be in alignment with His will and I have seen the improvements in my home because of listening to Him. It shames me that in this particular instance it has taken me so long to listen but I work to not dwell on that but focus forward.
My children are happy that I am resigning. My oldest, Maiden is now 12, finishing up 6^th grade and is a very astute young woman. Many times she has helped her daddy take care of things here at home while I was off at a meeting or youth event or something else for my job. She hasn’t resented it for the most part, yes, I asked-  talked with her about this. Instead, she is simply thrilled that I will be home more with the family and not running off to this or that meeting only to come home when they are all in bed.
Here’s a good example of God’s reminding me. A couple of weeks ago I had decided we were having messy tacos for dinner. I started prep early and we decided on an early supper. Maiden came in to offer her help and upon seeing what I was making she said, “Mom, what meeting do you have tonight?” You see, messy tacos is the go-to meal when I have to be gone from the family. I never realized that before. When I shared with her that not only was I not going to be gone for a meeting but that we were eating early because we had a special family movie to watch . . . . well, the look on her face said it all. She has been the most vocal, after Mr. Steady that is,  in saying she is looking forward to me not having to be gone from the family so often.
I know God has good things in store for me and my family as we continue to move forward in His will and in His plan.

Pursuing Peace

The days have been good. Filled with many wonderful things.
Busy-ness is better when it is enjoyed.
I continue to fill boxes with the books and what-not of my “job” to take to the church. The shelves are not bare though. Mr. Conductor has added a few of his “possibles”- rocks, trinkets, acorn caps and the like, to the corner of one shelf. Pretties for me to admire. I’ve made more room for homeschooling books and bible study materials and other things that I would like to have close at hand.
I continue on with the plans for these last 8 weeks of my 8 years in ministry. There has been no public outcry or backlash which has been a blessing.
I must admit to feeling a bit odd about it all. Dazed is a word that comes to mind; also: A bit off-center sprinkled with a lovely dose of anticipation and a nip of apprehension.
We plan to embark on some room rearranging complete with patching, painting, and wiring a few new outlets, afterwards. Plans that have been put on hold the last two years that can’t be put off any longer. I’ll be trading in my sunny blue office for smaller digs just off the kitchen so that the girls can have more space and Mr. C can be “on his own”. I am looking forward to the new challenge. A definite ending and a definite beginning. I believe I need things like that.
My new school curriculum catalogue came in the mail and I’ve been pouring over it with a highlighter- scratching notes and figuring figures. I doubt I will ever cease to be amused at myself so excitedly planning the next year when this one hasn’t even finished yet.
I’ve also spent some good quality quiet time reading an assortment of books. It’s been awhile since I took the time to free-read. I need to slow it down a bit though. While I enjoy completely losing myself in a good story, I don’t want to make a habit of losing track of time and forgetting about dinner. Which has happened a couple of times in the last two weeks.
I’m excited about some tomatoes we are starting from seed this year. I must admit I’ve never grown tomatoes from seed. These are heirloom tomatoes, a striped variety with a name I simply can’t remember right now. My brother, sister and I went together to place a seed order. The girls are excited about using the light hut we built as part of our Botany studies this year. Mr. Conductor is excited about expanding his gnome garden. He saved the pieces of a cracked coconut in order to expand from one gnome home to a gnome village this year.
We are planning to plant tomatoes, cucumbers, potatoes, a couple types of lettuce, a few peppers and some pumpkins. I am still toying with the idea of beans. Mr. Steady expanded his vegetable beds by about five feet.
Living in town as we do, we haven’t seen many vegetable gardens but I have a feeling that will be different this year. My mom is toying with the idea of chickens. Mr. Steady likes that idea very much and has mentioned that we could make it a joint venture since there are ordinances about chicken here in town.
I still haven’t finished the revamp I was doing on my household management binder but I did, however, redo my daily planner- adding some pieces from my household binder. With all the changes going on with us, I think it best to reconfigure afterwards.
God, in all His amazing goodness, continues to daily provide me with glimpses that remind me I am doing what He wants for me and for my family. There is much joy in the midst of the uncertainty I daily find myself meandering around in. I admit I continue to be worn and frayed at the edges as I try to keep balancing all the tasks, jobs and “stuff” but it isn’t so bad- not nearly how I was feeling a few months ago. There is a bubble-wrap-like layer of God’s peace that buffers most of it.
Here is a quote a jotted down the other day:
Peace is not the absence of trouble.
Peace is the presence of God.
Amen.

God continues to lead

Don't Worry-- Don't be Afraid. Stand Firm.

Mr. Steady and I are praying that God the Father will speak through me this Sunday nite as I share my resignation with the youth.
A meeting between the two of us and our pastor is tentatively scheduled for Monday night. As I understand it- we will be discussing his desire for us not to take a Sabbatical from the church. We pray that God would speak through us at that time also as we feel led that time away is exactly what God is asking of us.
As stated in a previous post, this is not a decision we have made lightly. Not only have we made it a major matter of prayer but we have sought informed and knowledgeable people who have traveled a similar road before us. We aligned ourselves with another godly couple to be our accountability partners and have stayed in constant contact with them throughout this process.
And yesterday afternoon . . . .
I remarked to Mr. Steady- in a pondering voice, how I wished we had gone to his 3^rd oldest brother (there are 6 older brothers) with this to get his prayers and his take on it. His brother and wife are amazing prayer warriors and have had to follow God’s will in difficult times- when others thought they were crazy . . . . anyway- I wondered aloud what his brother’s take on it would be.
Have a mentioned to you all that we serve an awesome, rock-you-socks God?
We do.
Brother #3 called Mr. Steady about an hour later about a matter Mr. Steady had seen to for him. In the course of the conversation, Mr. Steady invited them to come pick it up and have supper with us. Which, as you have probably already surmised is just what happened.
But wait there’s more . . . .
We spent over 4 hours together sharing the situation and our hearts and hearing their take on it. Yes, they agreed with our accountability partners and the others that it is obvious that God is calling us to not only step down but step away for a period of rest. They admonished us that we can’t not do anything other than follow God’s will. “God blesses those who seek after Him, who follow His will” Brother #3 stated, “And He will take His blessing away if you do not follow Him and His desires for you in this. It will be more difficult if you do not do this.”
And that’s not all folks . . . .
Before leaving, Brother #3 and wife knelt with us and prayed over us. To say it was incredible seems way too simplified. God was here- right here in our living room with us. His presence was fierce and thick. Incredible. The Father spoke through Brother #3’s prayer. God blessed Mr. Steady and I. God encouraged us to remain steadfast and firm.
Isn’t it just like God to hear my heart and answer my prayer?! So many times that I have lost count lately, has He intervened and sent the affirmation I have needed at just the time I needed it so that I can remain steadfast and firm in His plan.
I simply cannot question God in this. He has spoken.
I will follow.

Do not be afraid. Stand firm and watch the LORD rescue you. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.
~Exodus 14:13-14

I resigned. Difficulties continue.

I have begun to push

Finding my rest and learning to be Okay (trying to at least)

God is so good. I just can’t get over how good He is. I spend my days praising Him and thanking Him for His goodness.
He moves mountains. I’ve seen it.
I am assured that He knows my needs
As well as my fears and concerns.
And He’s taking care of it.

He's Home!

Praise the Lord my friend Rich came home from the hospital on Saturday. We are thrilled with his progress and praise the Lord for our friend’s life. We thank God for His incredible provision.
Rich has a long road of recovery ahead of him- one person said that recovery from a heart attack is a marathon not a sprint.
So many times during the last two weeks we saw God use what we thought of as negative situations to bring about His good.
I continue to marvel at God’s grace and mercy. What an incredible “in your face” reminder that NOTHING is impossible for God.
Whatever Mr. Steady and I have to face in the future- we are encouraged that God goes before us and plots out of path ahead of us. We daily remind ourselves that what seems bad to us right now—God will use for our ultimate good.
Chin up!

Prayer Update

Urgent prayer needed