Home Sweet Simple Home

A change of perspective could be necessary

Letting go and the need to leap

Let go.
Let God.

That’s what’s been humming in my head the last few days. I am in the midst of an opportunity to take what to me is a giant faith leap . . . .
I’ve always thought when such an opportunity presented itself that I would fling my arms wide and jump for all I was worth and without hesitation.
Instead it’s been a lot of false starts- I begin to run, ready to jump and just stop short.
Frustrated.
Big time.
Scared.
Just a bit over a smidge.
Well, okay, more than a smidge.
I am a planner. Not only do I have plans, but I have contingency plans- if A goes wrong, I’ve got Plan B and possibly C and D.
My faith leap requires me to totally let go of the need for any other plans than Plan G- God’s Plan.
So why am I afraid to leap into God’s plan?
Good question. I’ve been asking it to myself many, many times and wishin’ my self would answer.
It isn’t like God hasn’t been speaking to my heart and reassuring me.
Time and time again.
For instance- the following is scribbled on a piece of paper that floated out of a mess on my desk- just the other day.
When you pray about a problem, live as though you believe Jesus can do what He says.

Then this was my verse-for-the-day yesterday,

For the Lord gives wisdom: out of His mouth comes knowledge. Proverbs 2:6
And
When blog-visiting today, I found this beautiful reminder.
God is speaking to my heart and yet I’ve done a pretty poor job of listening.
I know that God desires my obedience above all else.
And I know that the good Lord rewards obedience.
I’m just plain chicken scared. It’s a big leap.

BUT

It’s a leap into God’s will. How can I not do it?
Of course, I’m going to do it. I’ve made up my mind that I will do so.
But what needs to change is the quivering anxiousness I have about the whole deal.
I serve an amazing, awe-inspiring, incredible Lord who not only knows my needs better than I but also knows my heart. He knew I was going to have troubles with this leap before I even knew such a leap would ever be necessary.

And so ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Let go.
Let God.

Prayer please

I would greatly appreciate prayers today. I continue to deal with a financial fiasco today. It pains me to say it but it looks like once again the "wool" was pulled over our eyes and we've been snookered. I am reminded of the phrase- "Fool me once, shame on you-- Fool me twice, Shame on me".
Shame on me.
It has been difficult to discern God's will in certain pieces of this terrible puzzle. I know He is with me, guiding me through this but I continue to feel stupid for being "duped" once again by double-talking people.
My first prayer request is this-- That God will supply and lead us. Mr. Steady has come up with a plan and we are currently praying that this plan of action is what God wants for us. It is a big step for us and GI-normous leap of faith for me personally but I am determined to follow the Lord's and my husband's leading in this matter. I know God will honor both of us for it. We are praying that God would make it abundantly clear that this is what He wants us to do.
My second prayer request is for the phone calls I must make today. I'm filled with butterflies and such because I need to make at least two very important phone calls concerning settlements and finances today. I put off making the calls in the morning in order to pray and spend quality time with the kiddos. My prayers seem all jumbled as my mind flits and races from one thought and concern and wonderment to the next. In a sense, I'm not really feeling "prayed up".
Lord, please be with me as I make these phone calls. Please give me peace, keep me calm. Please Lord more than any other thing- may Your Will be done. Help me Lord to speak the right words, properly articulating our desires in these matters. Please Lord let the people I must speak with have a firm understanding of what I am asking and Lord, please, if it be Your will- may these people agree with our desires. Lead and guide me Lord- Lead and guide. Oh, Please Lord, lead and guide. Amen.

God keeps giving me Hospitality opportunities- Yikes!

It sounds like I’m not the only soul feeling God-nudges in the hospitality department.
There are other kindred spirits who, like me, struggle with this.
Thanks for the encouragement dear readers, I greatly appreciate and need the boost!
Last night I stepped out of my comfort zone again (yes, so soon, I thought so too!) and hosted a little get-together with some of Mr. Steady’s shirt-tail relations who are also two-block-away neighbors.
They are family (something like 2^nd cousins once or twice removed) and live close and yet we hardly ever never see them. Go figure.
Mr. Cousin called out of the blue on Tuesday asking what our plans looked like. Well, that evening we were just going out the door to Mr. Steady’s softball game. Mr. Cousin explained that his oldest daughter, age 8, from his first marriage, is staying with them for the week and all she wants to do is watch TV and play video games. He further explained that he would like her not to do this, would like her to interact more and was very concerned about her “being bored” and not wanting to visit him in the future because of this.
While lamenting about this he remembered that we lived “just down the road” and our girls would be close in age. So he called.
I didn’t even hesitate- I said, “Yes, sure. Come on over tomorrow nite. We’re not doing anything. The girls can play and we can visit.”
Now, you’d think from my writing that I open my house like this all the time. Not so- remember when I admitted that I relate well to those who relate well to me? Yeah- well it’s easy to open my home on the spur of the moment to close family and friends but to shirt-tail relation that we see about once a year at the family reunion . . . . coupled with the fact that I don’t really know how “behaved” their children are? Hmm. Normally I would freeze in my tracks in a big ol’ ball of indecision on this one.
I must have been feeling pretty good from that clothes delivering mission ‘cause I didn’t even bat an eye or feel a flicker of worry. Until later on that evening when we were going to bed and Mr. Steady and I were talking about our day. Then I felt a bit of worry AND indecision. First- I hadn’t asked Mr. Steady if it was okay or worked in his plans; good thing it was and did but still saying yes without thinking can have its “hiccups”. I mused to Mr. Steady that I couldn’t believe I’d said yes so quickly—that I didn’t even know these kids  . . . . . I admitted to being an eensy weensy tad bit concerned that I’d bitten off more than I could chew. My good ol’ Mr. Steady “pa-shawed” me and assured me that I had done the right thing and that it was “all good”.
And folks- we prayed about it and I really-truly-honest-to-by-gosh-goodness didn’t worry about it again. I even baked a cake for the coming guests. [buttery yellow cake with chocolate, chocolate chip frosting, just in case you were wondering and it fell flat in the the oven but I frosted it and served it and didn't make excuses for it! Bravo Me!]
And we were watching/babysitting my brother’s little girl, 11 mos old. And having a most wonderful time of it.  And even better- when my brother and rest of family came to pick her up they brought donuts- oh, I mean to say they too stayed and visited and had a wonderful time.
Oh and the donuts were good too- Krispy Kremes.
I didn’t run around deep cleaning my home—instead I just sought the Lord in prayer as I did the daily swipe of the bathrooms asking Him to bless our visit.
And you must know the rest of the story . . . . .
Of course, He did!
So there is another new entry (and so quickly too!)  in my little notebook of how God is stretching me in this new area of hospitality.
God is so good to me!

On Hospitality and God-nudges

And now for the continuation of Hospitality and God-nudges.
After having my Moses moment, I went into prayer. I knew what God was nudging me to do but I didn’t know how He was wanting me to go about it.
And I started figuring that my miserable fiasco failures of the past were in all probability because I wasn’t going about it God’s way but my way.
I’d very much like it if things went God’s way this time.
So I prayed.
And I prayed some more.
And some more.
I wrote the God-nudges in my prayer journal and started jotting down ways I could show hospitality to my neighbors. Lots of little ways. And I’ve prayed over that list.
Waiting for the God-nudge to do something.
Because I’m now a firm believer in the God-nudge.
The nudge came Monday nite.
Mr. Steady and the kiddos were all outside; we were going to have a family campfire. I was inside puttering; picking up and putting away, fixing the toilet that wouldn’t stop running- you know- the usual Momma Puttering stuff. And I looked out the window and saw one of our neighbors in his little boy in the backyard talking with Mr. Steady.
Nudge.
I stayed in the bathroom.
Nudge.
I prayed.
I went outside and said hello.
Simple but again a hard thing for me to do (in the context of being scared of my neighbors. Yes, I know this is strange but all I can say is I’m still holding on to hurts from my past fiascos and yes, I am working on that.)
Mr. Conductor had sized up the little boy and went and got him a few toys he thought the boy would like. The little boy, who is almost 3, really just wanted to wander around the yard and follow the big girls. Mr. C didn’t understand this but watched with interest.
I ended up taking the little boy to see the girls’ fairy garden and Mr. C’s gnome garden and helped him pick a few prickly roses for his momma.
Ah, my first tentative steps at hospitality.
Then another nudge.
I asked our neighbor-man about his younger boy and in the course of that short conversation I remembered the 8 bags of outgrown Mr. C clothes on my front porch (forgot to put them in the car and take them to Little Busy Town on errand day).
So to make my long, convoluted story short- I excused myself, grabbed a large empty sack and quickly pulled out all the 24 mos. clothes I could find. I ended up filling not one but two bags.
By this time Mr. Neighbor-man’s wife had come home and so he and his little boy went back home.
Gulp.
I was okay with giving him the bags when he was still at my home.
Now he wasn’t.
[Yes, I am quite aware that my fears are silly and ungrounded but I’m being very honest with myself here.]
I asked My Mr. Steady if he’d be willing to help carry a bag and go over to their house with me.
Of course he did.
Short, nervous with butterflies walk across the street, greeted by a perplexed neighbor-lady, followed by my inane babble at the door about the clothes, the giving of the clothes and our exit.
And then I inhaled breath.
God-nudge mission accomplished.
How did I feel? Relieved and yet edgy. I had obeyed God’s nudge.
It was a two-fold thing: I had eliminated the need to haul two bags of clothes to Goodwill and more importantly I had helped out a neighbor who had expressed a need. I knew right then that it wasn’t my mistake in forgetting to put those bags in the car on errand day. God knew.
He provided me an opportunity.
He used me in a way I hadn’t expected.
I am reminded to expect the unexpected when God is in charge and to look for opportunities to get nudged by God to show hospitality to those nearby.
Every morning I pray “Lord, make me a blessing to someone today.” And yet I have kept my blinders on in regards to those nearby because of my past fiascos.
God and I are now working on that. I’d like to say that it’s simple and easy and I’m totally onboard. But that’s not reality. Reality is that I am still a wee bit freaked out by all of this.
Plus I don’t want to get carried away and get ahead of God. I do seem to have a bit of a problem with that. Gung-ho and then burn-out.
So I will continue to pray- specifically asking God to open my eyes to the opportunities right nearby and show me ways to bless my neighbors.
And I’ll be waiting for that next God-nudge.

What about Hospitality?

I’ve had some ideas and thoughts and God-nudges about hospitality lately.
Lots in fact.
I haven’t shared because I’m not quite sure how to put it all into words.
And I still don’t.
I’m a big fan of hospitality. I’ve been told that I have the gift of hospitality.
I am even the Hospitality Coordinator for my local MOPS group.
And yet I’m learning that I need to stretch myself a bit more in this area.
Like I said- I’ve been getting God-nudges.
Bottom line that I must admit to myself is that I enjoy giving hospitality to those who enjoy receiving my hospitality. In other words, I relate well to those who relate well to me.
Ahem- excuse me, but it still hurts a bit to admit that.
I’m usually quite okay with admitting that I am basically a selfish person. But for some reason this hospitality issue has a bit more bite to it.
I love to make little gift bags of little goodies to give to friends.
I like to bring a little something for the hostess whenever we have dinner with friends.
I find joy in sending cards- cards of encouragement, congrats, thinking of you and other acknowledgements.
I enjoy putting together a meal to take to a new mom. And I almost always include a little card with a packet or two of a spa foot soak or cream.
I love putting together get-togethers at my home for friends and family.
BUT
[Ah, you knew the big but was coming . . . .!]
There are more ways to show and share hospitality.
And sometimes what I think is hospitality is more in line with entertaining. And yes there is a difference- it’s a difference of the heart.
Again- there are more ways to show and share hospitality.
More ways for God to nudge someone out of their comfort zone.
What could possibly be out of my comfort zone hospitality-wise?
Don’t laugh but it may strike you as odd.
But by BIG BUT is my neighbors.
I have a hard time showing hospitality to those who live right nearby me.
Sigh. That was tough to write. I said this was biting me and it is.
We don’t have the best of neighbors all around.
We’ve got a set of wonderful ones.
A set that are friends.
And then there are THE OTHERS.
There have been lots of OTHERS over the years. When we first moved we found out that the house to the north and the one kitty-corner southwest- well both houses were under police surveillance for dealing drugs.
Then there was the living-together couple that were often having large drunken yelling matches in their front yard in the middle of the night.
Then the couple directly across the street who wanted us to sign a court document about who we saw playing and interacting with the children more since they were now in a bitter divorce/custody dispute.
Let’s not forget the one’s directly behind us who let their dog run loose and “deposit” gi-normous mounds of you-know-what in our yard- right next to the kiddos’ swing set. And put their trash in our trash hopper.
Or the ones who moved in after them who continually parked in our yard- without asking-  in front of our garage/barn (where Mr. Steady parks)— going so far as to park beside Mr. Steady’s car where he had spent back-breaking time shoveling snow this past winter.
These are just the highlights- there are more stories but you get the drift.
Plain and simple- I’m not too fond of the neighbors.
Which leads me to not being altogether neighborly.
Which has led to some grand failings in the times I’ve actually tried to be neighborly—which led to me wanting to be quite a bit less neighborly.
What? For instance— a few years ago, I was trying to make friends with the then-new family across the street but she kept telling my other neighbor (our friends) that I was a cold snobby *b-bleep*. As you could well imagine, I took offense to this.
And tried to go out of my comfort zone (and my reaction of wanting to just ignore her) to be nice. I made sure to smile, wave and call out “Hello” whenever outside (one of her complaints about me being snobbish was that I didn’t do this- never mind that she didn’t initiate this neighborly “hello” business either- but I digress). Then there came her yard sale and her big blow-up. We park my car in front of our home on the street. I figured that it would be the neighborly thing to do to park the car in the side yard so that people stopping at the yard sale could park right out front. Having had yard sales in the past and seen other neighbors have yard sales I knew that some people would just pull up and park in my side yard. Mr. Steady didn’t want this as we were trying to re-grow some grass in the area right next to where we would park our car during the sale. So he put out a small staked sign that stated “Please No Parking Here”.
The neighbor lady went ballistic.
I went into hiding. No more trying to make nice with the neighbors.
Too hard.
I could share other lessons learned . . . . Suffice it to say- I’ve failed miserably at being “neighborly” over the years. And it is just me. Mr. Steady does just fine- he sees a neighbor loading something big in their van and rushes over to help quick, he mowed another neighbor’s yard a couple of times when the man broke his ankle, he’s helped haul dirt for another and on and on. He’s taken our kids and our overflow of cucumbers and doled them out (the cukes not the kids- they were his produce haulers). He doesn’t struggle with being neighborly. He just is.
And he is quite perplexed by my obvious struggle.
Sometimes it’s a sincere struggle just for me to wave and say hi. I can’t explain it- it just is what it is.
And so how does this come back around to hospitality and God-nudges? I have been feeling nudged (more like jabbed with a sharp elbow in my soft fleshy side) by God to be more hospitable to my neighbors.
My reaction? Kind of like Moses- “Me Lord? You’ve got to be kidding? You don’t want me to do this! I’ve failed so miserably in the past- don’t you remember the fiascos? Are you sure this is what you want me to do? Don’t you know how far this takes me out of my comfort zone?”
And God laughs. He has a wonderful sense of humor, dontcha know.
So what’s a girl to do?
To be continued . . . .

Wouldn't you know it- God is good

But the LORD is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.
-- 2 Thessalonians 3:3

Praise Him in the Storms

We are doing alright here.
We still don't know what's going on with the finances.
My family is in the midst of planning my grandfather's memorial service.
I am to be writing the obituary.
And we're leaving in a few days for our trip to the Creation Museum.
So I guess I will continue to be scarce in my postings.
No menu plan to post today as we are going to be leaving soon and are working at eating leftovers.
Mr. Steady was able to purchase 3 doz. eggs last week for 99 cents/doz. So we've been eating a lot of egg dishes plus we received some free bread last week.
A friend of mine is astonished at how I can feed my family so cheaply and her husband has asked Mr. Steady and I to share how we do it.
The last few days have indeed been difficult but there have been good times too. I am  thankful for God holding us up through it all. I know that the God who ushered my grandfather into heaven is the God of my finances and He will see us  through. Something else--- as a surprise combined Mother/Father's day present- my parents bought us a new-to-us couch and love seat. Our couch was in deplorable condition and of course, financially we really couldn't do much about it. We had put some foam padding under the cushions and a slipcover over it . . . . but my Mama the Goodwill Shopping Queen got a real sweet deal (and used a 20% off coupon).
I am reminded that this is yet another affirmation that the good Lord is watching over us and seeing us through.
Throughout the weekend and today I've been whispering, "No matter what, I WILL praise you. No matter what, I WILL praise you." I listened to Casting Crowns' Praise You In The Storm this weekend and I was again reminded that I serve a God that is bigger than any storm that comes my way. I may get knocked down but I will not be defeated. I have the Lord on my side.

A thought for today:
The will of God will never take you to where the grace of God will not protect you.

Amen.

Please pray

My parents came home from visiting my grandfather only for us all to be hit with the news that he passed away yesterday morning while my parents were flying home.
With this news and all the other that is going on my heart is heavy today.
I rejoice that my grandfather is pain free and glorious in heaven today and yet I ache.
It is bittersweet.

God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you may abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8

Oh Lord I am not their puppet-- the lastest on our lastest crisis

Lord- I'd like a Do Over for yesterday and maybe today too

The Lord shall guide you continually.
--- Isaiah 58:11a

Yesterday was a difficult day.
My grandfather- who my parents flew out to visit and who we thought was doing better is now on hospice care. He is unable to talk on the phone much and can't get to his email so they've asked that all contact be through snail mail. I cried.

We had a few problems at our homeschool group day yesterday too. Minor compared to everything else going on but it helped set the tone of my day.

I came home to a phone message from the debt counseling agency. The message pretty much said that they have failed to negotiate and that it is now up to me. I can go to court or come up with the payment in full they are asking for (which is not possible). I am to call the debt counseling agency today for more information. To say I am concerned is an understatement. I feel as if my every breath is a prayer- given over and over to God.
I have once again battled deep fear and overwhelming worry. It has swept over me in waves but thankfully did not drag me down as it did this past January. It is more like a nagging feeling of possible impending doom. I know that is not what God desires for me either. I am to rest solidly in Him.

Dear Lord,
You know how much I wish to avoid trials in my life. But I know that growth and happiness are not based on everything going my way, but are in large measure the result of how I handle adversity. Renew in me the confidence that you have blessed me with, even in the tough times.
Please give me peace Lord. I am not feeling very peaceful right now but I know that peace doesn't come from my circumstances and such but from You. Grant me Your Peace, Oh Lord, the peace that doesn't depend on what is happening all around me but that peace that passes all understanding.
Lord, deliver me once again, I cry out to you, deliver me. Please Lord don't delay-- rescue me.
Show me the way to proceed in these circumstances Lord. Be with me--- continually guide me. Give me the words to speak and the ears to hear and the mind to understand what is going on. Help me with the solution dear Lord. I put all of this in Your more than capable hands.
Deliver me Lord.
Rescue me Lord.
Be near me Lord and be my guide.
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Please give me strength.
Amen.

Where I've been and still am

 My Grandfather is dying.
Our car broke down yesterday.
And is in the shop.
We are in danger of being sued by another creditor- the debt counseling agency is “supposedly” working on our behalf but according to them “you know how the economy is and there is only so much we can do if you can’t give us more to work with.”
We’re giving them everything we can.
Our homeschool group open house and program is this Friday and we need to get our unit study “showcase” poster done and also get around the items for our display table.
And bake 3 to 4 dozen cookies.
Sunday is our Honor Our Seniors special service and luncheon at church. I am in charge as youth director. In charge of everything for the whole day. Things have already gone wrong with the DVD I was going to play and the engraving on the Grads’ Bibles.
       I am not complaining (well, maybe just a tad) and I firmly believe that God is in each and everyone of these situations. I am praying for His desired outcome.
Yesterday when I was in deep prayer over some of these issues this phrase came to me, “These are not my problems but God’s opportunities.”
            These are not my problems but God’s opportunities. It is not for me to worry and be concerned over these issues but for me to open my hands and say, “Lord, I give my burdens over to You to use as you see fit. You are in charge Lord and You know best what needs to be done. Lead and guide is in these decisions Lord- may they not be our decisions but Your decisions. More than anything else in my life, I want Your will to be done. Your will, Lord. Your will.”
                        ------------------------------------------------------------------------
            My Grandfather is 82 years old. He has lived an incredible wonderful and interesting life. I believe he has done and seen enough in his one lifetime to fill 3 other lifetimes. He is a man after God’s own heart and I ask the Lord to call him home. He has never wished to linger in pain and suffering and watch his world shrink to the size of a hospital bed. While I wait for this, my heart is pained as my mind flits through so many dear memories but there is much joy in knowing that we will celebrate his mecoming.                       
                    ------------------------------------------------------------------
With all of this going on- I will in all probability be very scarce in posting here as we take care of these things.
Through the storm you do not walk alone. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.
---- Isaiah 43:2

God is Good- God is GREAT- Big time prayer going on

Famine

I am participating in 30 Hour Famine today. This means I have not eaten since midnight and will not break my fast until 6 am Saturday morning.
The 30 Hour Famine I am participating in is co-sponsored by Nazarene Compassionate Ministries and World Vision. The money we are raising will help fund a joint project between these two ministries to assist children and families in Malawi.
Allow me to share some startling facts:
29,000 children under age 5 die every single day because of hunger, disease, and poverty. That's one child every six seconds.
Of these children, 15,000 die as a result of malnutrition.
That's almost 5.5 million children each year.
Around the world, more than 850 million people are hungry, including over 300 million children.
That's one out of every six people on the planet.
$1 feeds a child for 1 day. Let me share how my youth group and I put this into perspective . . . .
$1- the cost of downloading a song
$1- the cost of a can of pop from the vending machine
$2- the cost for lunch at school
$1- the cost of two candy bars
My youth group set a goal of raising $365- enough to feed 1 child for an entire year. They set an individual goal of each raising $30- enough to feed a child for 1 month.
$30 is about what it costs for a family to go out to eat.

As part of our group fast- we are having a lock-in tonight. As a rule, I detest lock-ins. It is difficult to get ablebodied adults to volunteer to stay up all night with a bunch of teenagers. It is difficult for me to stay up all night with a bunch of teenagers. In the past, I have always had to clean up some "interesting" messes from lock-ins . . . . . and I could go on but I digress. I agreed to the lock-in as a way to encourage participation and hopefully to build group unity. I've planned some interesting games and devotions for this evening.
Please keep me and my youth group in your prayers today. I would greatly appreciate it. Please also pray for these people around the world that need physical nourishment as well as spiritual nourishment. We are praying today that God would use the money we are raising to do amazing things- not just to feed physical hunger but to touch and heal hearts.
One of my youth commented that it is her hope that when she gets to heaven she will meet the people she helped today. She will never meet them in person, yet she prays for them and hopes to some sweet day- make that connection.
May God be with us and may we bring Him honor and glory today.
Dear Lord- help me to stay up, stay sane and stay aware today and all through the night. Please, oh, please help me not to be a grump and remind me why am doing this. Help me to make a difference today. Amen.

Sufficient

Content no matter what the circumstances? Um, no, not yet.

I took the day off yesterday.
The family and I packed up for the day and went to visit my sister and her husband, The Newlyweds, about an hour’s drive north. We met them at their church and enjoyed a wonderful service. We spent the day just relaxing- enjoying good food and even better company. As I sat there enjoying myself and doing truly “nothing” I realized I was in the midst of another opportunity to Be Still. To just sit and enjoy my family. It was as if God were smiling and nodding His head at me- that I was beginning to “get it”.
I can be still in my quiet time with God.
I can be still in time spent with my family.
I can be still in my job.
Ahem- still working on that one. I don’t rightly know what it means to be still in a job that is a constant doing. I’ve figured that part of it is not taking on any new responsibilities or making changes, but I think there is more to it than that. Not worried though- God will reveal it in His good time.
I continue to pray and seek God’s will in these matters. So often in my life I have pushed ahead full throttle, giving no thought to if what I was plowing towards was what God wanted for me and of me. I will NOT do that at this time.
God has shown us again and again how He cares for us and takes care of us in our financial situation. He has strengthened our marriage and enriched our family through it- it has been tough going but the blessings definitely outweigh the pain and grief.
I am also feeling that God is nudging me to find contentment in the midst of this chaos of ministry and such. He has taught me to be content in plenty and in want but I am in need of learning to be content “no matter what my circumstances”. [Philippians 4:11-12] I need to learn to be content in my job, in ministry, no matter what the circumstances are. That is something I am praying about right now- praying that God will show me how to be content no matter what my circumstances are. That God would show me how to be content in ministry.
I am content in my home.
I am content with my family.
I am content in homeschooling.
I am content in friendships and even in extended family!
But I am not content in my job. It is something that needs to be looked at and prayed on.

Upon waking- no waffles

Yeah it happens- just didn't think it would be me

I know that burn-out happens. I’ve been to countless seminars/workshops about how to prevent it, read about it in ministry magazines and books . . . . . and yet here I sit. Feeling it.
I’ve been told it’s a natural part of ministry- you will feel this way at least once in the midst of it all.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it.
-- Matthew 11:28-29, The Message

Oh, Lord-
I come to you with a sense of weariness. I’m overwhelmed and unsure of how to get everything done. I don’t feel like I have anything left to offer.
You invite me to bring my burdens to you and lay them at your feet. Thank you Lord. Take them. I don’t want to carry that load. Thank you for having the empathy to know that sometimes I get tired and I struggle. It humbles me that you continually accept me, embrace me just as I am and that you willingly offer to carry my load for me. Help me Lord to find the balance. Help me to learn to be still and to listen to you. Please hold me up, Lord- I fear I may fall over.
Ah, right now, knowing you are here beside me brings rest to my weary soul.
Thank you Lord.
Thank you Lord.
Thank you Lord.
Amen.

Burn-out and Being Still

Be still and know that I am God.

And so what am I to do when faced with crumbling, fatigue-inducing burn-out? Be still. What does it mean to me to be still? Well, I do know that being still doesn’t mean to stop what you are doing. It does mean for me not to take on anything new. No new jobs, no new ministries, nope, nada. None.
It doesn’t mean that I need to scratch the ministry plan and totally revamp it. It does mean that I need to simply keep doing what I have been doing- no radical changes and no quitting.
I also know that in being still I may end up rocking the boat- in being still and not joining into the chaos/excitement (all depends on your p.o.v.) I may cause problems. I may “get in trouble”. What am I to do? Keep being still until God says otherwise.
Changes are coming at my church. I can feel them and it makes my bones weary.

Don’t be afraid. Just stand where you are and watch the Lord rescue you. Exodus 14:13

There is a wonderful song by Shaun Groves that God has been using to speak to me, Be Still.

Shaun Groves – Be Still
I remember all the times
the good times and the bad
I’m still holding on to You

some days I wanna run
sometimes I come undone
but I still belong to You
that’s how I know that

Chorus: when I feel like caving in
my heart my soul is wearing thin
I just want to give up
nothing seems at all to add up
can you hear me Lord?
my face is down upon the floor
it’s then You whisper in my ear
be still and know I’m here

I see a side of you my friend
the same struggles that I have
my heart goes out to you

I know it’s hard to feel alone
and this world’s so unforgiving
I’ve been feeling that way too
but I can tell you

Chorus

Is that You?
Is this me?
It’s sometimes hard to believe that
I am not alone

it’s not just You
and not just me
we all need to believe that
we are not alone
when I feel like caving in
my heart and soul are wearing thin
I just want to give up
nothing seems at all to add up
I know You’ll hear me Lord when my face is down upon the floor
it’s then You whisper in my ear
be still and know I’m here
we are not alone, be still and know I’m here
(repeat)

Okay- did you read that? This is the part that really hits me:

when I feel like caving in
my heart and soul are wearing thin
I just want to give up
nothing seems at all to add up
I know You’ll hear me Lord when my face is down upon the floor
it’s then You whisper in my ear
be still and know I’m here

Oh, man is that me! “Yes!” I cry out- “I do feel like caving in. I do feel like I’m wearing thin and oh, dear Lord, I want to give up. Nothing is adding up- I don’t understand what I’m going through. I’m crying out to you- down on my knees, crying out to you . . . . .”
And in these moments, again and again and again and again the Lord is taking the time to reach out to me and whisper in my ear “Be still and know I’m here.”
It is not an easy thing for me to be still. I could never be described as quiet and laid back. No one has ever said about me, “It takes a lot to ruffle her feathers.” Being still feels a lot like sitting in the waiting room waiting and waiting for your appointment. I normally tend to get quite antsy at this stage- this is normally the spot where you would find me yapping at the desk clerk demanding to know what’s taking so long.
But strangely enough I’m not doing that. God has something to teach me in being still and I want to learn it. Yes, I still feel on the edge of burn-out. I feel worn-out and undone- like someone is squeezing me through the ringer on an antique washing machine. I’m feeling a bit wrinkled. And while I know I am sitting on the edge of chaos I also have a bit of exhilaration bubbling up in me- I know God is up to something and it will end up something good. Something wonderful. Something beautiful.
You can’t rush God. I want what He has set aside for me and so I’ll continue to be still. I’ll continue to pray, seeking Him and His way in this. I think I’m probably going to continue to feel this unsettling burn-out. For a good long while, perhaps. God is preparing me for a change or two or three. It’s there. It’s coming.
I will be still.
I do know.
He is God.

Maundy Thursday

This morning I wanted to remind my youth group of what today means (and also of our service this evening) and I would like to share with you, my readers, what I sent on today.
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Today is Maundy Thursday.
This evening there will be a very special communion at the church @ 7 pm.
You may be asking yourself- what does Maundy Thursday mean? What is it?
From Wikipedia:
In the Christian liturgical calendar, Maundy Thursday or Holy Thursday is the feast or holy day falling on the Thursday before Easter that commemorates the Last Supper of Jesus Christ with the Apostles. It is the fifth day of Holy Week, and is preceded by Holy Wednesday and followed by Good Friday.