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Part 5: Just want to mention one more thing

This post is dedicated to all those who shake their head- thinking they “can’t have it together” like me or that shake their heads thinking I don’t know “where they’re coming from” and have “never had a messy day in my life” . . . . . This one’s for you!

I’d also like to mention here, the day I went on strike. This was before homeschooling, before Mr. Conductor and before my wonderful daily routines (did I mention that those daily routines are laminated and posted in the kitchen for easy access? I’m sure I also mentioned somewhere that I’ve been labeled an*l retentive too by other well meaning individuals . . . .) Anyhoo- there once was a day that I decided what I really wanted to do was lie in bed, eat chocolate and read a good book. I didn’t want to clean or feed children or cook a nice supper complete with pretty set table (do paper plates and napkins and plastic cups count? LOL). I didn’t want to rush through breakfast and jockey for position in the school parking lot to drop off and pick up my child. I didn’t want to pack a healthy lunch and snack. I didn’t want to read stories to my youngest or change diapers or go grocery shopping with a toddler and I most certainly didn’t want to paste a smile on my face and act as if I was capable of much more than rolling over and going back to sleep. I was tired, worn-out, burned-out- you label it- I was it. But mostly- I had lost my joy and contentment. I was Madame Blueberry (HT: Veggies Tales)- singing “I’m so blue-hoo-hoo, blue-hoo-hoo, I don’t know what to do . . . .” I had lost contentment in my home so I had lost the desire to keep it nice and tidy. I felt overwhelmed by obligations that I wasn’t finding joy in and that were sucking the joy from the things and people I did indeed enjoy and love. So, I know you are waiting with baited breath- asking “so what did you end up doing?” Well, I did get up- but I didn’t get dressed, I did take my oldest to school but came back home- put a video in for the toddler and flopped on the couch wishing I was in bed eating chocolate and reading a good book. I tried to doze off but I couldn’t- my heart was heavy and I felt the weight of many burdens. I lay on the couch- looking at the cracks in the ceiling and thinking “if only I had a bigger house with a dishwasher and fancy washer and dryer and a Jacuzzi bath tub- a new house with new stuff that wasn’t in need or repair, a new minivan so kids wouldn’t squabble in the backseat, a new hair do and maybe the money to go to the gym to work-out . . . .” Then I heard it, “I’m so blue-hoo-hoo, blue-hoo-hoo”. In my daze, I had put in Madame Blueberry for the toddler. I listened as the poor little asparagus sang “I thank God for this day and this piece of apple pie  . . . .”. I blinked. Then I blinked again. I had forgotten- I had completely become engulfed by my circumstances and forgotten that my joy and contentment don’t come from the things around me- they come from the LORD. Now, the story would be all nice and tidy if I had repented right then and there and quickly gotten dressed with joy and elation and began cleaning my home and preparing a joyful and content elegant supper for my family- I would have walked to the school pushing my clean and read-to toddler in the stroller, face radiating with joy and contentment to pick up my oldest at school. The laundry would have been done- pressed and folded and put away in a wink. The kitchen floor sparkling from my vigorous cleaning while singing hymns of praise.
Ha! Excuse my snort here! Snort! That, my dear readers, is the fairy tale ending. Reality was a tad bit more painful and a whole lot less exciting. I did repent and I did get dressed but my joy didn’t come with the morning. I fought the sluggishness of discontentment and joy sucking for awhile. I had to purpose to accomplish one task a day with joy. I had to relearn to be content. How? Well, I began to keep a gratitude journal and forced myself to write down at least 10 things a day that I was grateful for- and at least one of them had to be something bad that I could find something to be thankful in. A couple of examples- Today I am thankful that the toilet ran over but didn’t leak into the basement and that it had been flushed before it overflowed. Today I am I thankful for doing dishes because it means we ate 3 full meals today- something never heard of by some. Some days I was eager to write in the journal and others I would postpone it until the next morning. During this time, an acquaintance mentioned Flylady and I decided on a whim to check out her website. I quickly became hooked by her simple methodology of baby steps. My meltdown to that dark morning didn’t happen overnight- nor did my recovery. It was a gradual process. Once I started to take pride in my home again- I became content in it. Once I started a daily morning quiet time again, I developed a deeper joy and contentment. Once I learned to really look at all God has given me- the good, the bad and the down right nefariously ugly- looked and saw that it was good for my growth- I grew. I grew in my walk, I grew in joy, I grew in contentment and wonder of wonders- my home became a haven- not just for me but for my family. I am thankful for that time- thankful that it didn’t last- but I believe it was that dark time that ultimately led to us homeschooling- if I hadn’t gotten my act together back then and gotten back on track- we wouldn’t be able to homeschool today.
My husband has thanked me for his new wife- and I am thankful that I AM that new wife! I have truly learned that my children are my joy and blessings and today simply can’t imagine them being away from me for so much of the day. I count it pure joy to be able to school them and keep them home with me. I love learning alongside them! [Disclaimer- please don’t think I don’t think a mama doesn’t enjoy or isn’t blessed by her children if she doesn’t homeschool. This is my story.]
So Laura- to conclude this completely long winded, winding and drawn out story- I desire to be like Paul and encourage you to keep the faith. Run the race. Keep homeschooling- implement some of the tips that have been shared and tweak them to work better for you. Please know that I am praying for you and rooting for you! I pray that your children will find joy in acts of service and will “rise and call you blessed” and that you will know it! I pray that the Lord will hold you up with his strong right arm and that you will see the blessings in the midst of the overflowing toilets of life. I pray that the Lord will lead you to the right doctor and that your health will continue to improve. I pray that the Lord will also lead you to creative ways to continue homeschooling on the days when you just might want to stay in bed and eat chocolate. I pray that your days aren’t raided by joy suckers and that your contentment won’t be stolen in the night- that your days would prove to become more and more relaxing and less and less stressful. I pray God’s best for you, dear lady.
God bless.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him. --Romans 15:13

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9:31 AM, 2007-Oct-18 .. Posted by Lynne

Amy,
I liked your decription of teaching your children to break down a big task into smaller parts. I took piano lessons as a child, and it becomes obvious that you have to learn a few measures at a time to master a large, difficult piece. I learned to apply this method to everything.
I think a lot of kids would do better in school if they were taught some self planning techniques. My kids are both in public school, and they have classes where "pop quizzes" are often given. Over time, they have learned that to sit down and study their social studies/science, etc. notes for ten minutes each night means you don't have to panic during the pop quiz. It also means studying for a major test is one hour instead of five if you continuously review your notes each day. I like how you applied this "break things down into small jobs" to home keeping, too.

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2:06 PM, 2007-Oct-18 .. Posted by Laura

Amy, thanks again... I think I might be right where you where, just after you heard Madame Blueberry singing. I've already done my moping, and I'm trying to do better - but I think I did too much, too fast, and got overwhelmed.

I don't want my kids to go back to public school - I like them being home with me. I enjoy spending the days with them (most of the time, LOL!) and I like being the primary influence in their lives.

I appreciate you taking the time to write so many words of wisdom for me, and I've taken every morsel to heart. My soul was starved for some "motherly wisdom" and you've provided it. This is new territory for me - I'm the only homeschooler in my immediate, physically nearby family, so I don't have any intimate people to help me along the way... thanks for being a bit of "family" for me when I needed it - I can't wait to see where we are 6 months from now!

Blessings!
Laura

PS I did just go to a new doctor two weeks ago, who diagnosed a Vitamin D deficiency (I'm lactose intolerant) that could be causing a lot of my pain - we'll know in about two weeks if the prescription vitamin D he prescribed to raise my levels is working or not - that's when I should start feeling better. I'm also going to see three other specialists, including an endocrenologist, at the end of this month at his request - he suspects the other part of the equation may be hormonal, due to my thyroid problems. That would be so easy, but I am prayerful that could be the answer we've been waiting for. Thanks for the prayers - much appreciated!

from Amy

2:46 PM, 2007-Oct-18 .. Posted by YPAmy5

Laura- I am so proud of you! I too can't wait to see where the Lord leads you in 6 months- even 1 month! If homeschooling is what God wants for you then He WILL bless it- I have no doubt!
Keep me posted and be encouraged.
Amy W