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MPM: Menu with Daily Costs

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11:18 AM, 2007-Sep-24 .. Posted by Lynne

How was the wedding? Did you have good weather?

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11:31 AM, 2007-Sep-24 .. Posted by Lynne

Amy,
I hope I wasn't too harsh in my email about the family relations issue. Just in our case, we tried ignoring the comments, staying away from family events, and none of that helped. We still got the interferring and criticism aimed at our kids until we just had to get somewhat mean about it and say no more, period. We haven't had one issue in 2 years since we "got tough".
The irony of all this is that the SIL who is so critical thinks her children are perfect. When the oldest was 18, she was visiting us and got a bad rash on her neck. Our pediatrician agreed to see her that morning (which saved us a day of sitting in the ER) and quickly recognized the rash as an allergic reaction to a leather necklace we did not know the girl had been wearing. I did not go in the examination room, because the girl was 18.
About 6 weeks later, I was at the pediatrician's with one of my small girls. The ped. asked me if the 18 year old told me what happened on her visit. I didn't know what she was talking about. The ped. told me the girl was so rude to her that the ped. told her and wrote in her chart that she would never see her as a patient again. We did not report this to SIL, because we are not trouble makers, and I figured, hey, the kid is 18 and an adult. It was embarrassing to be told this by the ped.
Then SIL's other perfect child spent the summer at our house (free) as my DH had gotten him a very good summer job at his company. We went away on vacation for the last week of this 20-year-old's visit. DH asked him to mow the grass while we were gone and do a couple of other small things, which the boy agreed to do. When we got home, he had done none of them. This was after weeks of living and eating at our home plus getting this great summer job. Once again, we did not report this to SIL as we are not trouble makers.

To Lynne

12:24 PM, 2007-Sep-24 .. Posted by YPAmy5

Lynne- I did not find your comments too harsh. I am beginning to understand why some families cannot interact together on a regular basis.
This weekend was lovely as I worked by best to ignore the “comments”, enjoy the day and keep a careful eye on my children. Mr. Steady was a blessing- he knew my sister would need me and he took the brunt of the “watch over”—which wasn’t a real hardship as he and the kidlets spent a lot of time down at the beach building and digging.
The comments are mostly from my DB and are quite biting. I cannot reply to them as it will only start an argument and this weekend was so special that I just walked away from him or didn’t even acknowledge his little asides.
Mr. Steady and I have also developed a couple of signals, one signal is to say that we need to intervene and perhaps remove or child and the other signal is that we need to leave and in a quick and orderly fashion (meaning I may blow my top if we don’t . . . .)
I understand about “thinks her children are perfect”. Things they had once complained about in others- they are brushing over and making excuses for in their own child. It would be hilarious- some of what they have said and done, if I weren’t smack dab in the middle of it all. It hasn’t ended well when my mom has tried to talk to them about some of it. My DB has gotten so irate that he’s picked up the kids and wife and left- right then and there and he doesn’t realize how he is hurting our parents, (which weighs most heavy on me).
It is not a great situation at all. It is also obvious that they want to limit their contact with us as much as we want to with them- even at family events we both work hard to keep the boys away from each other. It is sad indeed but it helps that they do it too.
I pray that some day this will come to an end- this strife and bitterness until that time I pray that God would grant me the wisdom and strength and patience to deal with what comes my way.
By the way- my children behaved so incredibly well all weekend and displayed their very bestest manners while out to dinner with everyone on Friday evening that Mr. Steady and I had the great pleasure of just sitting back, smiling and watching them interact with the family and the restaurant staff- it was a beautiful thing that we thanked God for again and again that evening. It was indeed a great blessing to us in the midst of so much strife. We thank God for giving us such a weekend of treasured memories.