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I am what he has made me

My husband is always telling me I’m beautiful. Over the years I have learned to accept and be comfortable with a compliment I never thought really fit me (doesn’t every woman suffer from this a bit?). I learned to look into his sincere eyes and see that he looks at me with his heart. You know, I still blush when he says it! After almost 13 years of marriage and 4 years of dating before that- 17 years total and he still makes me blush!
Anyway I was reading an article one day (and man, I don’t know exactly where if it was print or online—so if you’ve read it- jog my memory, please!) about a group of men who started sharing pictures of their families and one man didn’t want to show a picture of his wife. When asked why, his response was “My wife isn’t pretty anymore.” After a moment of awkward silence one man came up, put his arm around the other man and said, “She is what you made her.”
I finished reading the article but I can’t really tell you what the rest of it said as I focused on that line- She is what you made her. Wow. That explains it! My husband says I grow more beautiful the longer we are married and now I know the secret. I am what he makes me. Besides God, my husband is the most important and influential person in my life. What he says and how he treats me has a lot to do with what I think of myself. Really. He thinks I’m smart and beautiful- so I am. I’m sure if I could really, truly see myself through his eyes I would be shocked and amazed! Because of his love for me and how he treats me/shows me that love I am a better person- I want to be a better person. I want to shower him with love and affection to show how much he means to me. I desire to be beautiful for him!

If a mean man can demean his wife and tell her she’s ugly/fat/dumb after years of this she will (usually) begin to believe it to be true. She will undoubtedly begin to look/act the way he has portrayed her. So shouldn’t it work the opposite way? If our loving husbands tell us we are beautiful/lovely/smart/s*xy shouldn’t we begin to believe it?! Shouldn’t we hold our heads high with confidence and begin to look the part?! A smile alone will add to our face value!
I am reminded of something my Gram asked me after I was married a few months. She asked if I prepped myself before Mr. Steady came home from work. “Prep?” I asked. “Whatever do you mean?” and Gram’s reply, “You know, do you change your clothes, look nice and neat, do your hair, freshen your make-up and add a sprits of perfume?” Me: “Uh, no.” I remember being puffed up with that sense of idiotic self/pride and thought to myself- “I don’t need to do that. He needs to accept me just the way I am. I don’t need to impress him!” I remember shaking my head later and thinking that was the difference in me being a woman of the 90’s and her being a woman of the 40-50’s. To me, women just didn’t do that anymore- it just wasn’t necessary.
And now, here I am at 33 years of age with close to 13 years of marriage and every afternoon about an half hour before Mr. Steady is due home I do the following:

I brush my teeth and comb my hair; add a couple sprits of perfume and a dab of lip gloss. I check my clothes to make sure I’m clean and neat. Then I pick up anything lying about, light a couple of wonderful smelling candles, give the house a once over to make sure it’s nice and neat and tune my ear to the sound of his car or the front door so that I can be opening the door as he reaches for the knob.
Now, how do you think he greets me? *wink* Can I just say that it’s worth the bit of time I take? It really isn’t a big deal to take a few minutes to prep myself on the outside- mostly I find there are days when I have to prep the inside (heart/feelings) more.. Sometimes it’s been a rough day and I am feeling angry/worn-out/stressed out and not feeling the least inclined to take the minutes to primp. On those days I find my heart needs primping more than the rest of me. A few deep breaths and a prayer to calm my heart usually do the trick. There have been a few afternoons when I’ve known that a quick 20 minute cat nap is necessary to restore my good health.
Often those few welcome home moments with Mr. Steady can wipe away a horrible, bad, no good, dirty rotten day. And he says that the greeting at the door can do the same for him on those days.
This is a small way to let Mr. Steady know I deeply appreciate him and his love for me. I know that I am not always beautiful- often I have an ugly temper and pair that with a bit of selfishness. It never ceases to amaze me that the man knows all about me but continues to love me in spite of myself!

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2:01 PM, 2007-Jan-11 .. Posted by Suze321

We are indeed what their love makes us and isn't that wonderful?! I am blessed every day, even after 29 years of marriage, by my dear hubby's love and devotion. He is my biggest fan and my most awesome cheerleader. How can I not give my best back?

I so enjoy your blog! Blessings! Suze

Edited by Suze321 on 2007-Jan-11 at 2:01 PM

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2:05 PM, 2007-Jan-11 .. Posted by sweetie

My husband, les Berry wrote an article for Making It Home with this very theme, and he had originally written it in his blog, More from les on xanga...but the original story is old I suppose, but the lesson was ever new.
hugs
sweetie

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7:18 PM, 2007-Jan-11 .. Posted by katenicholl

Your post really challenged me! I need to make more of an effort. I know hubby does appreciate it when I do! Thank you!

Catherine :o)

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11:34 PM, 2007-Feb-24 .. Posted by Roberta

I am new to this blogging thing :) I have loved reading all your blogs. You are very gifted with showing your heart through your words. I have been married almost 19 years and your Gram was right about the primping thing before he comes home. And it is sad that in todays society the norm seems to be for us to look out for "#1". Roberta

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4:23 PM, 2008-Jun-9 .. Posted by hmsteader71

I can't tell you how much this touched me. I have read the same thing in a book called "Created to be his help meet". I had forgotten how important it is to do these things for our husbands. Some days it seems like there is no point in it. The feelings we shared when we were first married don't seem to be the same, we don't talk like we used to, but we still love each other very much. I am going to take what you said and start this day and do just those things.