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It's been a decade

Today my oldest, Maiden in Waiting, turns 10. It has been a decade since her birth and yet the memories are still so vivid and so fresh. 6 pounds even- 19.5 inches. She fit perfect in her Daddy’s arm, her head in his palm and her feet touching at the inside of the elbow. So tiny, petite yet so perfect. It wasn’t the birth plan I had wanted- we had to have a caesarean because of failure to progress. So I didn’t get to hold her or touch her right away . . . . .
But when I did I gently unwrapped her from the swaddling and inspected all her digits, just like any good mama would. I was 23. So very, very young. It had been a little more than a year since we had lost our first baby. She was fiercely loved before we saw her red hair, button nose and pursed lips. Oh, I loved her ferociously as did her Daddy. She had problems raising her temperature and while they cranked up the heat in our little room her Daddy Kangarooed her. The man was in blissful New Daddy heaven. There was a complicated matter with her hip and we spent 4 days in the hospital- then home, only to have to come back the next day for them to draw blood because of a mix up in charts. She had a touch of jaundice. I cried and cried as they pricked and pricked her tiny little foot. Her Daddy was so strong, even as the tears streamed down his face he helped hold her as they pricked and spoke soothingly to her. Oh the trust.
Daddy took  that whole next week off of work and we cocooned and loved. She was 8 days old when she and I were to go to a women’s party where many were eagerly awaiting their first glimpse of her. Her Daddy stood at the door hugging and kissing us and crying because our new little family was parting for the first time.
And still 10 years later my heart bursts with love for my daughter. She is so like me in many ways- even to the point of developing some of my less than stellar habits. Many say she looks like her Daddy- others say she looks like her Mama. We look at her and see her- Maiden. I am not a mother who spends time looking into the future wondering how my child will grow and what they will become- I just am unable to picture it. And I like it that way. Her future isn’t mapped out by me- but by God [Jeremiah 29:11] and I know it’s a good future because He says it is. That is all the assurance I need.
I learned long ago not to wish away moments. Today- today I do wish though. I long to go back a decade ago and just hold her as a tiny baby one more time. It is a mother’s longing- not logical but deep in my heart.
Maiden was born just before Christmas- you can only begin to imagine what that Christmas was like for us 10 years ago. We understood in a different and much deeper way. As we read the Christmas story from Luke I simply clung to this verse:
But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:19
I identify with Mary. I too treasure and ponder and store such sweet memories in my heart. That first Christmas with Maiden was eye opening- I was first fully comprehending a mother’s love- first fully understanding just how much my mother has loved me my entire life and then . . . .
I was thinking of Mary, knowing she too felt these feelings but that she was also aware that her son was not an ordinary baby and would never be an ordinary child. She held, cradled, rocked and soothed, nursed and kissed the Son of God. How overwhelmed she must have felt! I wonder did she ever question the role God laid out for her? Did she ever see herself as an unfit/unworthy mother? I wonder.
And so the feelings rush back at me today as they did 10 years ago. And I think to myself: Thank you Lord for sending Jesus to us as a baby. Thank you Lord for giving us Maiden. Oh, thank you Lord God.

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10:08 PM, 2006-Dec-12 .. Posted by BuzyMumof3sons

Thank you for sharing your story with us and happy birthday to your young lady!
Dee

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5:25 AM, 2006-Dec-13 .. Posted by katenicholl

This was beautiful! I understand what you mean perfectly but could not have expressed it like this!

Catherine :o)