What a wonderful weekend we had! My children made me decorated Bible verses on paper instead of birthday cards and my dearest Mr. Steady gave me Jan Karon's latest book (with a wonderful endearment written inside the cover). My Mom and Dad gave me the most hilarious pair of gnome and flower PJs. My sister gave me a book, flavored coffee, chocolate and cow tails (a throwback to my childhood- my granny use to buy them for us and I still love them). My brother and sister-in-law and nephew gave me jewelry that she [sil] made herself (I gotta take photos of them all- just gorgeous!). My in-laws gave me a beautiful fall fabric runner for my table (because my mil knows how much I like to decorate my table with a runner etc. for the seasons). My Birthday Supper was gloriously delicious! It ended up being a family affair with me joining Mr. Steady and the girls to cook. I spent the afternoon with them all in the kitchen sometimes helping, mostly just enjoying us all being together. Later on when we were finishing up the final prep for dinner Mr. Steady turned to me and stated how much he loved just being with me, just spending time together- doing together. Now that was better than any Hallmark sappy card in my book! Saturday was Mr. Steady's birthday and we were once again all in the kitchen together. Maiden and I made her Eggs in a Basket while Mr. Steady cooked bacon. Maiden set a wonderful table for breakfast- complete with the silverwear wrapped perfectly in pretty napkins. Mr. Steady's birthday wish was to spend the day at home relaxing with his family and so he got his wish. Maiden gave him homemade birthday coupons (she did it all herself- coupons for such things as- special time with her, special breakfast, help cleaning the garage etc.). Sassafras made him his favorite pistachio pudding and Mr. Conductor gave him his favorite mountain trail mix (which they, of course, shared together). On Saturday evening, we all attended a hog roast benefit for Mr. Steady's cousin Mike and his family. The benefit was a huge success (raised $6,000+). Mr. Steady had a nice time visiting with family and friends and I enjoyed watching him do so (plus I spent my time with the kiddos).
The only drawback was that it was held at the local Eagles lodge . . . . we all left positively reeking of cigarette smoke- we couldn't even stand our own stink in the car and our throats all hurt. Our coats ended up on our front porch to air out, clothes went straight into the washer and people went straight into the tub! We closed out our evening with a fun family movie and everyone cuddled up together under toasty warm blankets. Mr. Steady and I felt it was the best birthday weekend ever. Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His faithful love endures forever. 1 Chronicles 16:34
So smoking is allowed INSIDE the Eagle's Lodge? Do a lot of people smoke in S. Michigan? Here in MD, in the under 50 crowd, there are fewer smokers. But, just go a little south into VA and it seems like everyone smokes there. At least in MD it is now illegal to smoke in restaurants (although the bar portion allows smoking). None of our hospitals allow smoking except in designated remote outdoor areas (not even the parking garages). It's horrible that you were exposed to so much smoke that you had to wash your clothes...
We have a somewhat similar problem. My mother in law started to wear perfume 2 years ago. She now wears toxic amounts of it. My husband picked her up at the airport last Christmas, and his eyes and throat were burning on the ride home. We have asked her to not wear perfume when visiting us, but to no avail. I am allergic to scented products, and I have had to be treated for a sinus infection after her last 3 visits. I have such trouble breathing when she is here that my doctor said in addition to prescription allergy meds I may have to use an inhaler when she is here. This has caused a true family crisis, because the kids are also bothered by the high levels of perfume, and I refuse to use an inhaler (which I have never had to use before) so she can overdose on perfume.
We have decided to visit her in MO, and to stay in a hotel so we can get away from the fumes and breath at night. Our plans have caused dissention in my husband's family as his sisters think they should talk to his mother so she will not wear the perfume when visiting us. This makes my husband really mad as obviously we have asked her not to wear it for the past 2 years. Sometimes my mother in law denies she wears perfume, sometimes she says she does not wear it at our home, and once she told my husband "if this bothers you then you must not get out much because everyone wears perfume when they go out."
So, your story about washing your clothes really hit home with me! When MIL leaves we have to wash all the bedding, wipe down the bathroom, our sofa, and turn off the furnace and open all the windows to get the smell out.
Oh, Lynne- that is so unfair! I am so sorry that she cannot do something so simple for your family. I know of one couple who ask us not to wear perfume/cologne when we visit because the wife is allergic. We gladly comply.
Praying for you. Thanks for commenting when you stop by- I enjoy the "chat"!
Amy W
Unfair? Unknown
1:08 PM, 2006-Nov-6
.. Posted by Lynne
Amy, I don't know if her behavior is unfair or something else. My husband and I went to a family counselor to discuss this issue. The counselor told us that many of the older women who seem to overdose on perfume are doing that because they are suffering from incontinence and are covering up the urine smell. My husband called his oldest sister to ask her if she thought MIL had a medical problem, and she said no.
She could be losing her sense of smell, and she could be losing mental capabilities, or she could just be uncaring. My daughters get really mad at her when she is here and says "I don't wear perfume..this is how I naturally smell." I have talked to them and told them we don't know if grandmother is being mean or if something is wrong with her physically/mentally, so don't be mad at her. My husband and I have been married 15 years, and this just started 2 years ago. In the 15 years we have been married, my husband's father died, and his maternal grandmother and grandfather also passed away. The maternal grandfather died 2 years ago, and we wonder if there is a link to the perfume wearing because it started at that time.
My MIL used to enjoy playing board games with the girls, but her latest visits have been different. She has been picking on my oldest daughter, even accusing her of lying. We have an old, broken antenna radio that my oldest daughter likes to take outside to play music while she swings or jumps on the trampoline. She was taking it outside, MIL questioned if that was allowed, and then accused her of lying and said she didn't believe she was allowed to take the radio out because "she would ruin it."
My oldest daughter keeps a journal, and on each day of MIL's last vist she wrote grandmother here, and a picture of a sad face. On the day she left, she wrote grandmother left with a happy face. My younger daughter also told me MIL was being mean to oldest daughter but not to her.
MIL is 75, and I don't consider that to be really old. Who knows what's causing this behavior. The kids don't want MIL to visit at all. I don't want DH to not see his mother, so we came up with the plan to visit there and stay in a hotel instead of her house. My husband's 2 sisters want to talk to MIL, but DH feels he should hand this himself (as do I).
Dear Lynne-
I will be praying for your family and your MIL. It sounds like so much more is going on than the perfume.
I pray your daughters will see past "this" and continue to make memories with their Gram and to pray for her too.
God Bless
Amy W
My Husband (DH)-
Mr. Steady
My rock and biggest supporter. The glue that keeps the family sane. He is like deep, deep water- it takes a lot to see a ripple.
DD12- Our Maiden in Waiting- By the world's standard she's a 'tween'. By ours and the Lord's- this is the time of her years of preparation. She is eagerly learning what it means to keep a home and daily becomes more and more of a helper to her Mama.
DD9- Sassafras My Sassy middle child. She holds her own so sweetly and has such an empathetic heart. While real Sassafras is used for flavoring- She is that added sweet flavor to our family.
DS5- Mr. Conductor- The train aficionado in the family. He's the little man and best helper around! He's also the biggest Oreo fiend in the family.