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Weeding, Deadheading and Pruning

Hmmm. It’s been quite the day. Some good, some bad. Got mad at myself for letting someone else’s bad attitude affect mine. Found myself yelling at DD9 for something that wasn’t her fault at all- because I couldn’t get my emotions under control in time (I was still upset and had an *attitude* after my encounter with that someone else’s attitude). Ugh. Sigh.
I, of course, apologized to DD9 and we cooked and talked about how hard it is to handle our emotions sometimes.

After dinner I went out and weeded and deadheaded in my garden. I needed the time away, the relaxation and monotonous work. As I was weeding, I thought about what had made me so angry. The words that had been said and how they had been said. I had let this person spew when I should have stopped them (didn’t because I didn’t want to upset the person even more- this person offends easily.) I realized that sometimes I need to weed/deadhead the friendships and acquaintances in my life. Sometimes, just like weeding, we need to cut off certain relationships and at other times, like deadheading, they need a bit of pruning back. I am feeling the need for some pruning.
Over they years I have found that am greatly affected by those I spend a lot of time with. I found that negative friends- those who always are complaining or whining or gossiping tend to draw me into their miserable-ness. I use to think I could be their encourager and help them rise up. A mentor once told me that in order to *teach* someone something they have to have a teachable heart. Well!
I have a hands-on situation I use often with the teens in my youth group. I have a bigger teen stand up on a chair and then a smaller teen stand on the floor next to them. First I have the bigger teen on the chair try and pull the smaller team up on the chair with them. I instruct the smaller teen to do everything they can to keep from being pulled up. As you may guess the bigger teen is unable to pull the smaller teen up. [With one exception- but that teen cheated- anyway- back to my illustration . . . .] After trying for awhile, I then instruct them to do the opposite- the smaller teen trying to pull the bigger teen off the chair. If you are a good guesser you know that the smaller teen ALWAYS pulls the bigger teen off the chair. I then talk with the teens about their close friendships and the importance of having a good core group of Christian friends in their life. Too often teens want to keep friendships that are hurting them- friends that cause them to slip because they want to be a witness to their friends. Now, don’t get me wrong- I want my teens to be good witnesses, but these friends can’t be their closest friends. It’s like the teens and the chair- your friends will pull you down to their level much more easily than you can pull them up to yours.

And that’s what I have seen happen in my own life. So I am very careful to cultivate close friendships with wonderful Christian women who uplift and encourage (and who will hold me accountable) and learn to keep other friendships at “arms length” so to speak. I wonder if you agree with me or find my standing to be wrong. That’s okay- I do what works for me. I’ve seen myself slide- seen myself with the negative attitude and the gossipy lips and let me just say, “That lady ain’t pretty!”

So, tonight, I am thankful for God showing me that a bit of pruning is needed. I am thankful that he communes with me before I go way off the deep end. I am in prayer not only for my own attitude but also for this *someone else*. I pray that I will always have a *teachable heart*- I don’t ever want to miss one of God’s wonderful lessons.

Untitled Comment

12:09 AM, 2006-Jun-27 .. Posted by happymama

I don't know where I heard this, but I have always thought of it when dealing with these issues...there are three types of friends, they called them "Paul friends": the you need me friend, the I need you friend, and the mutual friend. When someone doesn't fit into one of these catagories then it is usually not a good friendship.
And it is comforting to know that I am not the only one who sometimes gets my emotions a little out of whack! What great things you are teaching your daughter by going to her and apologizing...I need to do that more!