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Amy Update

I continue to covet prayer and wish to extend my deepest gratitude to everyone who continues to lift up my prayer request. All the prayers lift me up and sustain me. Thank you.
Mr. Steady and I will be meeting with our pastor this Tuesday evening to give him our proposal of cutting down my hours (and pay). We will also be asking that the church board begin to actively seek a replacement for me. Our plan is that I be able to help see the youth ministry through this transition. We are setting a “time limit” stating that I would like to be phased out of paid youth ministry be early May.
This has been an extremely hard decision for me to make. And yet as things begin to come together to see the end- I am beginning to feel the release. I have never before been brought so low by a circumstance. I have never before not been able to bounce back.
BUT
It has been a most humbling experience.
I hit the wall.
And found God right there beside me.
I have cried buckets.
I have complained and whined to the Lord.
And I wasn’t afraid to do so- I know my God is bigger than my pain. Big enough to hear my whining.
Most definitely.
I have stepped back these past few days- I couldn’t do anything but.  I couldn’t “work” as I needed to- just how was I suppose to do more than the mechanics? Wednesday morning it took all my fortitude to get out of bed and face the day. I have never been a wallow-er and I felt that what I was doing was wallowing.
In pity, disgust, anger and despair.
Etc. Etc. Etc.
I cried out and said “I’m burning out! I can’t do this!” and felt that I wasn’t really heard.
But I was.
God heard me.
Mr. Steady heard me.
As did many others who lifted me up in mighty prayer.
Each day God met me right where I was at.
Each day got a little bit easier.
I have begun to experience the quiet again.
I believe God is giving me a cleaner, clearer vision.
The better to see my priorities with.
The better to see my family with.
The better to see myself with.
I love being “needed” and “necessary” but . . . . . .
It doesn’t matter how needed and necessary I am to others if I’m not delivering the goods here at home first and with my bestest most worthwhile effort.
I can no longer be split in two by ministry away from home and the ministry right here at home.
God has shown me time and time again that Home IS my ministry.
Period.
My prayer is that my pastor listens and begins to understand and accepts the proposal. Our church board’s monthly meeting is this Thursday evening and it is our desire to bring this proposal to the board at that meeting- the sooner “the cat is out of the bag” the sooner they can begin looking for a replacement and all the sooner for me to feel I can take a deep breath and am not squeezed in by the pressure to perform.
The sooner I can begin to rest.

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3:07 PM, 2009-Jan-5 .. Posted by raspberrydreams

What a positive move you are making. I am so pleased for you and am sure that your life will gradually ease for you day by day. Its not a nice place to be in when we feel like this but rest assured it does pass and you will find peace in your life again.

You are in my prayers and I will visit again soon.

Blessings

Janette

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8:41 PM, 2009-Jan-5 .. Posted by Anonymous

Still praying for you!! Keep listening God always knows best!

Renee

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1:21 PM, 2009-Jan-6 .. Posted by wannabeone

Amy, you are doing the right thing. You family IS your #1 ministry - as you said. And YOU KNOW that the Lord knows your heart and it's desire. :-) 3 of the 4 of us have been "the heart" (and I don't say that as bragging) of our praise and worship team for years. Ty & I have been on the team nearly since our first days at the church, Jenna (now almost 18) joined 4 years ago. We gave our pastor 4 weeks notice that we were leaving at the end of 2008. He was shocked, and I think a little hurt, but this decision to look at a church closer to home came fairly suddenly and was immediately confirmed in all 4 of us. It's really something! So, now another 30-something couple (which is what we were back then) has stepped into our place and I'm sure they will be such a blessing to all there. I believe it's an opportunity for THEM, too.

So...just think, you are opening an opportunity for the Lord to use someone else and to allow them to serve and grow! And for you...on to rest and then another - LATER - season of service.

Blessings from Ohio, Kim Wolf<><