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Yesterday was a very emotional day. I think that the entire situation, sometimes, hits me more fiercely than at other times. It knocked me down with a vengeance, yesterday. In addition, my husband “jumped into the skin” of another woman that is staying here right away that morning. “I wish I could just sit at home like you and do nothing.” She said unexpectedly. My fur ruffled, but I said nothing. “Instead this new job has taken over my entire life.” She shook her head, annoyed. “I wish I didn’t have to work and could just sit at home like you and take it easy all the time.” Ohhhhhh really? Also news is how a job at a fast food joint that could get you OUT of this place and into something you can call your own… could be grumbled about. I wanted to tell her, “At least you can go outside without fear.” And “At least you can gain compensation for what you do all day, and can socialize with the public.” Or how about, “Well, let’s see you try raising eight children in a place like this!” Instead, I quietly wiped my children’s “breakfast faces” and left the kitchen area. But those simple statements delivered to me so casually and pointedly sat and brewed in my mind all day long, and they ate at me and wore me thin. Then, evening arrived. Quiet and peace rolled in. The children began settling in for the night and dropping off to sleep. I had room to think… and I suddenly realized why I was so mad. It was as though my husband were sitting across from me, that morning. I heard his words… it was just another voice and body delivering them. I was angry with him. That one set of statements delivered to me by a woman who’s only had one child and has never had custody or responsibility for her… was given me because she didn’t know any better. She has nothing invested in my children. Why would she understand or care about how much work I do every day!? My husband, however, was supposed to have been a partner. He was supposed to have treated us so much differently than he did. He was supposed to have loved us, nurtured us and put our needs ahead of his own in a sacrificial manner as the Word of God instructs. That woman, yesterday, was a vehicle that brought me face to face with just a surface-brushing of all the pain and agony contained within my marriage. That’s all. In another vein… More fear was incited, today. Two women, who also live here at the shelter, were on their way out to run some errands when they passed by my mother-in-law. Apparently my “vultures” are still angrily circling. A message was left for me, bright and early this morning, from the Child Protective Services in this area, too. I tried to return the call, but only got the answering machine. Despite trying three more times, I still have not spoken with this man, and am very nervous. Now what is my husband up to? He’s already contacted the district attorney’s office back home. He’s contacted the police department in three counties, and now is working on CPS. I told my oldest daughter and another one of the residents that I believe my husband and in-laws will not quit until I am in jail. |
Thoughts
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