“I won’t say that it’s miraculous, but you really are making great strides forward. That’s unusual. Many times things don’t move so quickly.”

This was a statement I received today from Nolan, one of the staff members here at the shelter.

It’s been very hard, but I have forced myself to do the paperwork and fill out the forms to get things moving.

To be honest, I have felt that all of this has gone incredibly slow.

It feels as though we’ll be here for always.

Appointments are being set, issues are beginning to see the light at the end of the “settlement” tunnel, and trepidation only comes and goes now in fierce waves rather than surrounding and overwhelming me constantly.

We have been here for two weeks.

I am thankful for this safe haven, but find that it is simply not home.

Our days follow a general pattern, and I am beginning to feel the “pangs” of needing to create a more orderly routine including solid educational structure.

Time to write out a schedule!

I’ve grown to really care about the other women here at the shelter. Three women, four other children… We are touched by one another’s experiences and grief. Our painful experiences have knit us together. Our natural sharing of day-to-day chores and living have taught us to better know one another. We laugh together, tease, cook and clean together…

Late last night another woman and two children arrived. I have tried to talk to her, but being shy myself, know that it is hard at first. She keeps to herself.

I have learned that even more people are in pursuit of us. Venturing outdoors is frightening to say the least.

I have heard things said about me that are both foolish as well as disturbing. I find myself angry that others would believe such idiotic tales. Were they never my friends to begin with? Don’t they know me better than that?

I feel as though everything has been robbed from me. Personal things such as my self esteem and the simple knowledge of who I am, inside… on down to the material things that matter to me, back home.

And how about other things that a price tag could never be put on, such as the few friends I thought we had, our entire church fellowship, the box of things that represents all I have left of my late daughter, baby books and photographs, things inherited after the death of loved ones, even our pets…

I am praying that all is resolved quickly and as comfortably as possible. With the best interests of the children in mind.

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HandsNHearts
Said:

It saddens me terribly that your church family, those who have walked with you for all this time, would turn their hearts during the deepest sorrow and stress you have. That they would, even could, believe the lies and stories.
Have you thought about relocating South? I'm not sure what resources we have here, but it's always an open door, I hope you know.

Prayers,
HandsNHearts

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Anonymous
Said:

Oh Carrie, You are echoing exactly what I went through for so many years. Please know that others have experienced this...you are not wrong, you are not "crazy", you have done all you could. I remember the fear I would feel when I heard my husband's footsteps coming up the front stairs.
I will continue to pray for you and your family.

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seventhheaven
Said:

Through this hard time put all your trust and faith in God. He will not leave you as others have. Rest in the shadow of his wings and let Him take this burden and carry it for you. You are doing what is right. Perhaps relocation would be good. Sometimes a fresh start where no one knows you is a good thing. I'll be praying for you in your time of decision.

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ginnabear29
Said:

As the subject header says, I am praying for you and your family, daily. I grew up with my parents abusing each other, yelling, screaming and hitting going on. I know what it is like from a child's perspective. I am lucky that my husband is loving and kind, even though there are minor disagreements. I pray that your situation changes for the better, and soon.

Virginia

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