People used to constantly comment to me about my husband. I felt “attacked” and judged. It made me frustrated and upset. Didn’t these people realize how hard I’d been trying to respond in a godly manner to this man I married? Didn’t they realize how much harder their words made things for me?

“You put up with that?”

”Why don’t you do something about that?”

”That isn’t right. He shouldn’t do that to you.”

”How can you stay with him? That’s wrong!”

”Why aren’t you protecting your children from that? What kind of mother are you?”

“He’s abusive!”

Abusive?

That is a strong word.

No, my husband is not abusive, I would insist. To say such a thing is going a little far!

These things that I dealt with, were no more than what my own personality and “quirks” put my husband through, right?

Yes, I didn’t like some of what we lived with… but a person simply adjusts. Makes do.

Makes excuses.

A medical crises and my husband’s unwillingness to allow the medical staff treat me for it, putting my life at risk, turned my thinking around tremendously.

I began to question everything about him.

If he loved me as a husband ought to, he would never have thought twice about allowing the blood transfusions. He would not have gotten angry with me for accepting it after three days of my levels continuing to fall and the need increasing.

I was so weak.

How could he not love me enough to save my life and ensure my health remained stable?

That was the beginning of my seeing the things my husband was doing for what they truly were.

He was abusive.

I stopped making excuses for the two broken ribs he gave me. I no longer accepted the other physical assaults that he’d done to me as my fault.

I began seeing how unkindly he treated the children and I through new eyes. It was not alright.

He made me think I was going crazy, sometimes. He made me doubt my sanity. Literally. The way he would present himself and talk to me made me wonder if I weren’t losing my mind.

I wasn’t losing my mind.

I was caught in an abusive marriage.

It is painful getting out.

Getting out creates a mess all its own. Dust is still settling down around me, and we’re coughing and sputtering amidst it.

It feels like everything that was “blown up” has not only fallen down around me, but many big things have hit me where it hurts. I am in pain and my heart is in agony. I don’t know how to “dress” my wounds. I want to crawl away to somewhere safe and dark and hide away from everything. Period.

But I know that I must be patient. Change cannot happen overnight. The beginning has been passed and things can only improve. Building will occur. It may not always be pleasant, but as long as I am willing, it will be inevitable.

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momma25js
Said:

Hi there.. I have been in a very similar situation except when I was trying to get out of my abusive relationship that I could not get help and it took me 10 years to be able to get help and get my kids and I out of the situation.. We still did not get alot of help, but we are out and things are better..

If you need to talk feel free to email me marsbar27@localnet.com

Marcia

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seventhheaven
Said:

You are a very courages woman to realize and get out. My father is mentally abusive to my mom and she wont realize this. How I pray God will turn her eyes to see like he has yours. We will all be here to listen to you in your need.

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Anonymous
Said:

I have been through this two-fold.I was a child with a horribly abusive step-father..the image of him stepping on my pregnant mother's belly haunts me to this day...my mom never left..he just left her one day for another women. I married an abusive man....who would have thought..huh?? I remember one day going to the court house for something after I had been kicked with steel-toed boots all over my body and punched..I was limping and I saw police officers at the courthouse and I remember wanting to scream help me ..please help. But I couldn't...fear..denial ..stupidity..I don't know. I did finally leave him when he kicked my 2 yr old daughter..I knew that was it. I am so glad you had the courage to leave..some don't.

Amity
www.keepingourheartsathome.blogspot.com

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